Talking to friends and family

Discussion in 'Support' started by Banana, Dec 3, 2013.

    1. Banana

      Banana Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      I find it difficult to talk to everyone around me about the changes in my lifestyle. I didn't dare to go to club, concert or even cinema during the last month, I told everyone about my condition, but I don't feel understood. It really makes sad when I have to explain everytime that no, I can't go to that gig, because it's too loud, I have to wear ear plugs whem it's getting loud in the restaurant, I ask my friends not to shout next to my ear at a social gatherings. Many people think I am beeing paranoid and that I am obsessed, Maybe I am protecting myself too much, but I think I need time to adjust to my condidtion and to learn what I can and cannot do. Even in my closest family people think I'm freaking out. (well, maybe I am, dunno) Many think that it's like having a cold. I feel that I am alone with this.. anyone had similar problems with lack of support?
    2. Sean

      Sean Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Banana - have them visit this site and they will know what we go through .
      Changing a life style is a real bitch .i am bit older so I bad stopped going to clubs long back ..but what to do in relatives party ?wedding receptions ?cinemas ?
      It is a adjustment we have to make and I got no choice so as they say - you gotta so whatcha gotta do !
    3. Relic Hunter

      Relic Hunter Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      No one will understand tinnitus and what you go thru except someone who has T. It is as simple as that. I rarely talk to family or friends anymore about my tinnitus. I avoid large get to gathers with friends or family. I hope they understand but could care less if they do not. I am too old to care what other peoples opinions are of me.

      I do not need to explain myself to family and friends because I have a medical condition.

      I am sure people in my family think I am antisocial , crazy, or just a wimp but I do not care and neither should you.
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    4. Sherri786

      Sherri786 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      yes, same here.
    5. christine kauhane

      christine kauhane Member

      honolulu hawaii
      Tinnitus Since:
      june 9th 2013
      hi banana, dont feel bad i had my T for almost 5 months now and my husband still forgets :facepalm:, when we are in the car he turns the radio up loud:sour: and i'm like HELLOOOOOO t cant handle that sound :dunno::nailbiting: and he's like oh sorry i forgot.....:banghead: maybe i should wear a bag over my head that says dont forget i got T :bag:... it drives me:wacky: crazy, buy yes i just dont talk to anyone about it . they just wont anderstand(n)... mahalo....
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    6. gary

      gary Member Benefactor

      Macomb, MI. USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who Knows
      I agree with relic, but then again I am 66 so I really don't care what others think either. Plus my wife, God bless her is an angel who gives me 100% support, that is all I need. In your case though, being a younger person, I can understand your mixed feelings about how your life has changed and your concern about family and friends.

      If someone does not get it, and you really want them to, get an earphone, plug it into a TV or radio, tune it to where there is no station just static, turn up the volume, have them put it in their ear for 5 minutes. Tell them that is what you hear 24/7 I have done that to a few people, and I get a "how in the hell can you stand it, that would drive me crazy"

      After that, if your friends don't understand, they are not your friends. If your family does not understand, then they need help. As Sean suggested, have them read a few stories about some people right here on TT that have thought about suicide because of T

      We can't take the place of your family or friends, but we are always here for you!
      • Agree Agree x 2
    7. AUTHOR

      Banana Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Damn. Everyone my brother, my friends, even my parents think I should go out and have some fun instead of sitting at home all the time. I am thinking about going somewhere, not too loud, but just to try things out. A pub maybe. I will be wearing ear plugs. I didn't go out at all since T appeared. I don't want to become an outcast. I think it's time to go out. wish me luck.
    8. Carlo

      Carlo Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Do it. Go and don't be afraid, just wear ear plugs if you go to a pub. Good luck, everything will be fine!
    9. Riikka

      Riikka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Yes, you should definitely go out again. You can still enjoy going to restaurant, cinemas and pubs. It is just annoying to always have to be so careful about loud noises and wear earplugs. But that's just what we have to do.

      I also feel that many people aren't understanding. There are some people who have told me, tinnitus is horrible and they couldn't live with that :arghh: (Guess what, I wouldn't want to live with it either.) On the other hand there are people who feel I'm overreaction and too whiny. Neither of these attitudes is helpful at all. I have thought about playing a mp3 with tinnitus sounds to those of my friends who react like I'm being oversensitive. I think that would help them to change their opinion. I guess people who have never experienced tinnitus sounds can't understand why we need to avoid noisy places, as their ears just aren't as sensitive.

      I feel I also still need to adjust my own attitude. It is hard for me to accept to not being able to go to concerts or other very loud places anymore. Or that alternatively I need to wear earplugs plus earmuffs. I somehow feel self-conscious when wearing stupid looking earmuffs.
    10. AUTHOR

      Banana Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Well, I did it.

      I went to a pub and met with my friends. At first I was very stressed about the loudness, but then it disappeared (with alittle help of the fine beer they sold there, of course) And then, as the liquid courage kicked in, I decided that we might go dancing somewhere. I thought that it my as well be my last clubnight ever so let's at least make it damn good. We went to a club I really like, which doesn't have the loudest soundssystem. I wore ear plugs all the time,, took frequent breaks, didn't stand next to speakers and tried to have some good time, among the constant anxiety. I actually stayed for about 3-4 hours, danced like I didn't care. In fact i even felt that ear plugs keep the music at a very comfortable level, I even think it's better then without them. And nobody noticed them. I was afraid that today I will wake up with a bad headache and an onslaught of ringing inside my head, but guess what! My T is even quieter than before! I'm not sure what does it mean, maybe beer and music are actuallu a good treatment :D
      All in all, it was worth it. I met the owner of the club I used to DJ in, met my friends, and hell, I had FUN! :D

      Thanks for hearing me out, it is very important for me. You can actually go out with your new friends T & H.
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