Two Months — Getting There

It's been two months since I developed tinnitus.

After spending four consecutive days recording and mixing music (at, in hindsight, stupidly high decibels) I developed what I thought was ear fatigue; however, something did not feel right and this piqued my anxiety - though not enough to discontinue making music, sadly. Alas, due the continued abuse, I was awoken in panic some days later by a high pitched ringing which had now engulfed my right ear only.

The days and weeks to follow were brutal. The noise began to dictate what I thought and how I felt: I couldn't tune out the ringing in my ears, I couldn't sleep and I had only now begun to grasp at the thought that this noise may not go away. I felt defeated and lost.

After relentless online research, I started to listen to white noise in attempt to aid my sleep, to no avail. This only seemed to replace one noise with another. I drank camomile tea and took melatonin - but still, I couldn't sleep. Looking at my recording equipment and instruments, I felt sick that the things the used to bring me joy had lead me such despair. By now I hadn't slept properly in 2 weeks and had made an appointment with my GP to seek some respite. After a previous 2 week bout of tinnitus, I had pinned my hopes on the ringing being the recurrence of an ear infection in the same ear that I had only just recovered from in March; however, the GP could see no signs of infection, inflammation or wax. This was also confirmed by an audiologist who I would book an appointment to see a few days later. Moreover, my hearing tested well with the normal ranges. I also seem to be able to hear well in the highest ranges based on some self-testing.

The ringing began to intensify and louden and my sleeping pattern would worsen. As the fatigue set in, my mind was in a constant state of fight or flight. My work became impacted and at this point I began taking prescribed sleeping tablets every other night as well as eating more sensibly and sticking to a regiment of Rhodiola, Magnesium, Zinc and Gingko. I avoided music, clubs and pubs. Each day I would plug my ears to see if the tinnitus was worse at least a couple of times an hour. I had developed mild hyperaccusis and ear fullness which would come on after noise exposure and seemed always to be followed by a tinnitus spike and dull pains in the right ear.

I stopped living and began monitoring my tinnitus at the expense of my social life and relationship with my girlfriend. Looking back, it was an extremely hard time, during which I was breaking down.

Over the next few weeks I would make a conscious return to the things I did before tinnitus. I returned to kick boxing and jiu jitsu, which would begin to take my mind off things. I began to force myself to build a tolerance to noise by gradual exposure and, similarly, expose myself to silence. The hyperaccusis eventually softened and at some point my sleeping pattern got better. I would get at least one or two nights of good sleep - enough to see me through. I returned to making music at lower levels and I restarted meditation. Gradually the ringing became a hiss - not a constant hiss, but for a few hours of the day it would hiss before it would ring again, or it would become a pulsatile version that I could feel all over my head.

Still searching for further improvement, I took up acupuncture. After one session the pulsatile tinnitus diminished and the hiss became more steady. I've had a further session since then and I'm hoping for more improvement; however, I do so accepting that there are no cures.

Today, on what is more or less my two months anniversary, I've been making music, drinking beer and watching football. I've been enjoying my weekend. My tinnitus is still here and to be honest it's probably the loudest it's been in a couple of weeks - enough to make me aware of it routinely. But I'm not bothered in the way that I was two months ago. My progress to "recovery" is pointing in the right direction. Now, whether that means spontaneous recovery or habituation remains to be seen. I wake each morning expecting to have tinnitus and I live in a way that I hope fosters recovery, not hinder it. I also engage in things like meditation and acupuncture because they tie in with practices I believe are positive and may have an impact on my overall wellbeing and my capacity to control my outlook on life. If they also have an impact on my tinnitus - which they already seem to - then that's a bonus.

At this point, I'm not back to a completely normal way of life just yet. Tinnitus is still there, but it's becoming a paper tiger. In the coming months, I plan on being careful with sound by continuing to avoid clubs and any other excessive noise but also to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. As best I can, I've tried to use this extremely negative situation as a chance to become more resilient - treating my mind as something that also needs to be exercised.

With that in mind, I know NHS waiting lists are long, knowledge of tinnitus is in short supply and recovery rates are sporadic - so I take things at my own pace. Tinnitus has taught me that there are no quick fixes. Luckily, at 29 time is something I hope to still have plenty of and if my progress continues along this trajectory, then, like all bad relationships, tinnitus and I are doomed to be parted - or, at the very worst, distance ourselves but remain friendly.

Regardless, this forum is a great resource. The stories of success and perseverance I have read here have given me hope when I had none. While I'd rather not be writing here, I hope that anyone who has just developed tinnitus can relate to my experience and gain some hope too.

Thanks for reading,

Ross