Was Afraid of Gradual Tinnitus Increase, Now Experiencing Pulsating Spikes

When I went to my mother's audiologist 7 years ago for the ringing in my ears, he told me if I didn't cut down on the loud music I would be wearing hearing aids by the time I was 30. He also told me I have TMJ. I was 20 then, and since then I have taken utmost care about how loud the volume is and what noises I am exposing myself to. No treatment.

These past years I have spend hundreds of hours putting my fingers to my the part of my ear called the "Tragus" (just learned that) and pushing to block off sound so I could focus on the intensity of my T. I try to remember back when I first noticed the ringing and try to compare it to what I am hearing now, my pessimistic mind always assumes the worst. I am constantly afraid it will get worse, I am terrified of becoming as deaf as my mother.

My father's side has excellent hearing. However, a good portion of my mother's side of the family have hearing problems, my mom and her dad both wear hearing aids. I am afraid my genes will force me into wearing such devices sometime in my life.

The environment where I work can be loud at times, it is a motorcycle shop, but I am constantly vigilant about staying away from loud hammers, revving motorcycles, and the like. (Thankfully I'm not a mechanic). Unfortunately after a long time of delicately avoiding dangerous situations for my ears, I was on the wrong end of an extremely loud motorcycle when some loony decided to give it some gas. There was no immediate change in the tone however I was still really upset at the time.

Maybe I was focused too much on worrying about past exposure, so I hit the internet and came across TinnitusTalk once again, and read that alcohol is ototoxic. I had been drinking almost every day even before I had T. I remember waking up in the early morning after heavy nights of drinking and my T would spike tremendously. So I quit, however not without a lapse, after 5 days of sobriety I fell of the wagon (hard) one night. Two days later I developed a loud spike, another high pitch that would drift in and out every half a second or so. It would sometimes go away, and was always the worst at night.

It's been almost a week now, and I think the severity has tapered off a little bit, the only thing that kept me going was the thought that "This HAS to get better". As I write this I realize this sudden spike may be a cumulative effect of a degeneration in the "hair cells" in the cochlea caused by exposure, my sinus' acting up causing my nose to be stuffy an my ears to mildly ache, stress of course, and I wonder if my TMJ could be a culprit also. I grind my teeth while I sleep and I'm sure that is not good for TMJ. I would love to go see a doctor but I am broke.

I just feel there will be no end to this, I try to stay positive and not think about my T, but I have lost so much time just sitting in a quiet space just listening to it, worrying that it is getting bad, worrying about how loud the sound will be when I'm 40-50, if I'll be able to bear it, if I'll be as deaf as my mom. I have dreams of becoming a programmer but as of late I always get distracted by my T when trying to focus on a textbook.

This really sucks!