Will Tinnitus Change My Personality?

Will Tinnitus change my personality?
I have always endeavoured to treat people nicely, kindly, with warmth and with respect.
When this wretched condition came on strong, I was devastated. Truly desperate.
I didn’t know how to face anybody.
I tried to bury my wretched head in the corner of the settee, and just stay there.
When my absolute panic eventually subsided, only to be replaced with a despairing resignation, I worried that my personality would change, that I might become preoccupied, ineffectual, irritable, morose.

Being a Jazzer, of course, I am often on stage, presenting, playing, announcing, etc....
Could I still do it; could I concentrate well enough to converse with people,
to exchange banter with shop assistants,
enjoy the visits of the grandchildren etc....
or would I become an impatient sad old grouch?

Obviously I have to live with a noisy head - I have no choice there - but as far as I can tell, whatever my attributes were before, I have them still.
I can still enjoy company; a lovely meal still tastes really good, intimacy still feels wonderful, people amuse me, and I amuse them.
The problem is essentially mine.

I wake up in the morning often feeling fatigued, due to excessive neural activity I imagine;
a cup of tea in bed, half an hour in the bath, practicing my meditation routine mentioned in an earlier post, which always seems to help me, and then start my day.

My day is accompanied by my uninvited guest, and some days are better than other, as I’m pretty sure you all understand, but we ‘box on’ looking for better accommodations all the time.
Jazzer

 

It could. I became a lot more stressed and edgier after getting tinnitus.

 

When I first got T it definitely changed my personality for I wasnt happy and went through a short period of depression. Now that I have semi habituated my old personality is pretty much back but with a few modifications. I sleep with nature sounds and try to keep my brain attentive to other things besides listening to my T. More conscious of wearing ear protection and avoid noisey places. Once in a while my T is still annoying but it doesnt frighten me anymore and carry on life pretty much as before...

 

Thanks for the reply William,
you sound good and very positive.
That’s very helpfull to me,
Jazzer

 

I went from friendly, outgoing, nice person to somebody I didn't know. I was a zombie out of body experience. 4 months into t I'm better. Got rid of some stress helped. Learning to deal with t by finding great info on this site, and realizing a lot of us are in the same boat.

 

Couldn’t agree more MBH.
I was advised by an audiologist not to read about T, not to join any groups. To forget about it.
What total crap!
It’s there - literally on our minds, and noisy.
Audios dish up some crap sometimes!
“T” is an isolating experience.
We need companionship.
We need all the help we can get.
We need each other.
I look on here every day.
Best wishes x

 

My docs offered nothing if I didn't read from this site, I would have lost my mind, I went to 2 GP, 2 neor, 2 ents, dentist, final I decided to go psychiatrist and on the right meds. But it was only on this site that I was informed. If you don't read other people's experiences and you do the wrong thing you can damage yourself further, and the docs I went to have no clue at all. And mine is moderate head t moves around. I only way I know what is going on is this site.

 

Absolutely right MBH.
I come on here particularly when I am low,
and in need of some understanding and companionship.
We are in the best place. x

 

Me too! I always find solace here. As for the change in personality, I went from being being a happy yet somewhat anxious person to just being someone who is always kind of sad. I don't worry about death so much anymore.

 

With you completely BuzzyBee.
Anxious as a result of a desperately isolated childhood, which I eventually surmounted, but always cheerful.
And now sad from all this noise I have to endure.
I have a lovely wife, wonderful family, and this hateful condition.
But I consistently search for better ways to cope.
As for death - couldn’t care less. xx

 

When i had moderate tinnitus it didn't change my personality, since becoming severe it has changed me a lot, people tell me i have become very quiet, i find it hard to even want to take part in conversations or anything else for that matter.

 

I understand completely S.E.
I am so so sorry my friend.
I am so sorry for you, sorry for me, sorry for every single one of us. This is hell on Earth.
We are all heroes to cope with this condition, but that is little consolation. It doesn’t help.
We have to try to find ways to cope, and come through this thing.
I wish I could come up with a master plan.
That’s the bit I’m still working on.
My meditation routine does help me to a degree.
Have you tried that S.E?
Very best wishes pal,
glad to know you,
Jazzer

 

Hi @Jazzer,
I think all events in our lives change our personalities.
I became deaf in one ear in 2013. It happened suddenly. I have constant tinnitus in the deaf ear and my deaf ear reacts to all sound from my good ear. My life changed and my personality changed. At first, I was full of anger and fear and self pity. I did not want to accept the changes and I did not want to live.
I have learned to accept the lifestyle limitations and accept this distorted and uncomfortable way of hearing. I accept a lower standard and I box on, as you say. I am happy but not as happy. On a positive note, I am more empathic and more mature and stronger somehow.
Do you still perform? I played the oboe for decades before hearing loss and T and H. Occasionally professionally but mainly as a hobby. Giving that up was the hardest part of all of this but I can't hear well and I am sensitive to sound. I need to preserve the hearing in my good ear.

 

Hi @Lorac
So sorry you have this problem also, except I have another opportunity to make another friend.
Do you think your deafness was caused by acoustic trauma?
Yes, I agree that every significant happening in our lives contributes to personality changes.
Deafness and Tinnitus are hugely significant, and I too have experienced anger, fear, and terrible sadness at these horrible conditions.
I have had to fight for my life before, in a desperately isolated infancy and childhood, devoid of bonding, from a mentally ill mum.
I came through that, and once again, I need to come through this.
I have a beautiful family around me, all so lovely that they quite literally take my breath away with their kindness and love for each other.
That is a tremendous help to me.
Yes I still perform professionally in jazz clubs.
My ear plugs sit just inside my outer ears, ready to be engaged if the volume feels dangerous.
Member Kolisar asked me to post a couple of live clips of my playing, so they are up there on a post relating to Jazzer’s record albums, if you would like to see them.
I’m so sorry you had to give up performing, but I can see that you didn’t really have any choice.
I have to say that you sound very courageous and positive about the situation. Well done!
No doubt you get low at times, as I think we are all bound to be on occasions.
Lovely to chat with you Lorac,
Much love,
Jazzer.

 

I’m so sorry to read all the stories about how tinnitus can steal our happiness. My tinnitus began in July 2016. Since then my life is governed by how bad my tinnitus is on any given day or hour to hour sometimes. The doctors are no help, and I’ve seen a lot of them. All my coping strategies are self initiated. I’m new to this forum and hope to learn more from other tinnitus suffers, and there is no doubt, we suffer. I’m like many others, once you live with tinnitus, there’s not much that scares me, even death.

 

I don't know if it's a personality change, but it does gave me perspective on life.

When Tinnitus hit me everything went bad. As time passes, sadness and anger gave way to a will to move on. You know the story about the monk that everyday asked a little bird if this was going the day of his death, so he would go on and live his life the best way he could? Well, I have Tinnitus to remind that.

It also gave me an appreciation for what I have.

I would say that intrusive Tinnitus is in the category of conditions that have the power to change our lives (and how we see the world around us).

Best,
Zug

 

Yes it did, it made me a mess and from a positive person i became quite negative. Anxiety thorugh the roof

 

Oh absolutely. I used to be an empathetic and kind person. Not anymore. I've become bitter, hateful and cruel - I was actually a lot more positive about tinnitus when it began, but it ended up breaking me in a way I didn't think was possible. It's funny how much constant noise can mess you up.

 

That is very interesting @Helheim.
Because I really do ‘hurt’ and absolutely know what ‘hurt’ feels like, I have no wish to hurt anybody.
It’s not as if our suffering is their fault, is it.
In my own case there was a culprit.
But even there, I work hard to ‘let it go.’
I have to - to move on. x

 

@Jazzer, my answer to the title of the thread is: it will if you give it permission.

It’s a tough journey, but absolutely nothing in this life can change who you are unless you let it. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean life can’t be incredibly challenging or difficult. I believe if we strive to overcome and succeed then we will.

 

Same. But as time progresses I feel this starts to get a lot better. Long term, we are who we are. If you were an ass before tinnitus then you’ll still be one after, and I still believe the opposite is true. I try not to let T define who I am.

 

For a while

 

2 and a half months in, its changed my personality. I seem to be on a constant low in terms of mood. But to look at me and talk with me in person you would never know. Its like we live in a parrallel universe.

I get out and about as much as I can and try to do the normal things I always did, but it seems I am just going through the motions - the constant battle with my psychology and the actual sound are there fighting away.

I dont know how long it takes to digest this Tinnitus, but at the moment its constantly making me sick. I am a grown man, but I cant help breaking down in tears. This is a good thing I think as it releases a lot of tension.

As a consultant at the Tinnitus clinic said the recovery graph from tinnitus is up down and all over the place.

What is really weighing me down is my other physical symptons along with Tinnitus. My ongoing Sinus issues, ear pain etc. Before Dec last year I was in perfect health.

Good luck to all. Time is a great healer they say. I hope they are correct.

Cheers.

 

What meditation routine do you follow?

Thanks!

 

@monkey legs - Well I learnt some meditation techniques years ago to help me cope with an isolated infancy.
But my current routine is dead simple:

After getting out of bed, I run a nice warm bath,
I lay there with my head resting slightly to the right,
I take a deep (nose) breath,
Exhale (through the mouth)
I ask my tummy to take over the breathing for me,
I allow my mind to hear my noise, (exposure)
I make no attempt to escape from it,
With my breathing getting calmer and much slower, I gradually drift off, into a lovely peaceful slumber.
Sometimes I ‘think’ the word ‘Easy’ with each exhalation, until I get off......

10/15 minutes or so later, I count from ten to zero, and bring myself round.

I have to tell you that nothing really worked instantly, but over time, I began to realise that relaxation is possible, even with T.
When T breaks through to my awareness during the day, I tend to associate it with my relaxation experience.
Some people may put this down to codswallop or psychobabble - but it truly is helping me.
Best Wishes xx

 

This isnt psychobabble, sounds like solid psychology to me. I can just about hear my T in the shower. I prefer shower to bathing. I dont think I can be relaxed enough at this point in my T journey.

Perhaps I can tell my mind that the relaxing feeling in the shower is associated with T. And therefore when I hear it, it will not make me freak out.

I will have to try different methods.

Thanks! and take care.

 

See, it triggered the exact opposite reaction in me. I'm constantly hurting and I can't see a way out - my career is destroyed and so are most of my hobbies, so is the ability to relax or hell, even to get a good night's sleep. I've stopped feeling joy or any kind of happiness, because I just can't ignore this thing. It has made me constantly tired and stupid, and I can't even do most of the things I love. I went from an active person with a good job to a cripple in a few weeks and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. No amount of positivity helps with this thing and as much as I'd love to ignore it and just go on with my life, I cannot. I watch my friends continue their life without me and I'm left in the dust, constantly stressed and tired. Why on *Earth* would I have any empathy or love for anyone when they're living lives I would literally (and I do mean literally) kill to have?

Again, tinnitus is torture and it successfully broke me. That's all there is to it. I'm not as cool as strong as some of the older posters here, I suppose.

 

Ditto Jazzer. This is why I do not talk about how those methods helped me. Especially guided hypnosis.

 

@Helheim - I understand - I’ve been there.
I wish I had something constructive to say.
What I can say is, I eventually went from seriously wanting my life to end - I couldn't wait for that...... to wanting to find some way through this mess, so that my life could continue.
I am lucky enough to be part of a beautiful family, wife, children, and grand children.
We have suffered so much together, losing a daughter to breast cancer, her husband to brain cancer, and looking after their two lovely boys.
Having suffered so much I simply can not countenance inflicting more pain on them.
They know of my problem, not that I actually mention it to them, and are very caring.
Tinnitus is one of the worst challenges in life, I know that, but I simply do not want to fail.
I’m currently four years in.
Perhaps, with a little more time, your torment will ease back a bit, or become less intrusive.
I honestly think it could well do.
Best wishes x

 

I find it hard to seperate if anxiety frustration is caused by the T, or if I would of been frustrated and anxious anyway. For example tonight we couldnt find anything to watch on TV, and I was endlessly flicking through the tv guide to try and find something.

I couldnt find anything and everyone kept saying "Keep flicking" "Have we looked at that channel" "What was that we just flicked by" it started to drive me insane. I dont know if the T has made it worse, or it was just one of those things that drives you mad anyway.

Cheers.