2 Weeks in and Ready to Do Anything

Hello everyone,

I'm 2 weeks in and would like to share my story, hoping for some helpful feedback.

The nightmare began almost 2 weeks ago when I arrived in a new place where I would do an internship for a few months. I already met some cool people in the first weekend and I was taken to an electro/techno nightclub out of the blue. I wasn't planning on it, but my roommate went there and I didn't know how to get home otherwise. Long story short, we entered the club at 3 am and left at 11 am. I could feel that this tinnitus was different than the other times - I had gotten it before but really barely noticeable and it lasted briefly - so I wasn't too worried. This time around I also felt that lower levels of hearing had been affected and all external sounds had to break through a barrier. This barrier dissipated after a few days, that's when I started to notice the high pitch ones: my right ear was ringing constantly, the beeping in my left ear was less noticeable. Both were accompanied by an orchestra of crickets. I didn't think much of it during the first week, I read up on tinnitus on this forum, but since it was so fresh I remained optimistic and it didn't occupy my thoughts that much. I used headphones at low volume to cover the sounds and fell asleep with white noise, which seemed to help initially, but towards the end of the first week it seemed to emphasize the higher pitches when I stopped listening. It also felt as if there was pressure in my ears, just like in an airplane, and I kept trying to clear it by moving my jaw around. I kept hearing something breaking loose in my ears, but the tinnitus remained.

At the beginning of week 2 I went to see a hearing specialist who took a standard test to check for hearing loss. He could not find any hearing loss, nor externally measurable tinnitus. He told me to relax and focus on other things and that there was no medication he could prescribe at that time. I felt great that day, occupied my thoughts with other things, fell asleep to some background nature sounds.

Then over the course of the last five days, the anxiety set in. During the day I work in a small office with electronics everywhere, buzzing and beeping, which masks my tinnitus. In any normal environment, in the car, on the street, I cannot really hear the tinnitus but I am aware that it is there to the point where I can feel it. I'm moving my jaw around every other minute to release the pressure in my ears, while I know it won't be any help. When I walk around on the street it is like I can hear everything, my hearing is incredibly sensitive, but it also occupies my every thought. It is as if my focus is entirely dedicated to hearing.

My fears took control these last few days. I'm trying to stay cool, calm and relaxed, but it's too strong. Silence used to be my savior from stressful times and now that has been taken away. My neck and shoulders are now consumed by stress. The more I try to distract myself the more obsessed I get to check if it's still there. I keep trying to convince myself to accept what is happening and think about the other important things in life, but it's incredibly difficult. I have abandoned my headphones and can only stand sounds at low level.

I walked through the city today to get quality ear plugs, loud noises everywhere, tinnitus not heard but felt, no ear plugs found... When I got home, for the briefest instant it always feels like the tinnitus just got a bit better, then it rushes back as soon as I start hoping.

Current status: incredibly high pitched ringing which merges with the crickets, constant ringing in the right ear, pulsatile ringing in the right ear, ringing in the left ear that switches from constant to pulsatile. Pressure in the ears still present.

That's all for the moment folks, my current list of thoughts are:
- Is walking through the city considered habituation or damaging?
- Can it be that white noise made/will make the tinnitus worse?
- How can I get my mind and focus off of this?
- Should I try a steroids treatment?
- Should I sign up for am101?
- How far away is the nearest hyperbaric oxygen chamber?
- ...


To those who stuck around to read all of this and reply,

thank you very much.

 

Hey I would firstly like to start off with welcome, and I am going to try and answer your questions as best I can

Walking through the city is something I think a lot of us struggle with because of the noises. I don't think its damaging but it certainly feels damaging like I am always worrying if these noises damage my hearing, (I hope they don't). So its how you perceive it really, I came to realise that there isn't anything I can do about them so I just plug my ears when it gets too much and the other times I think its best you see it as habituation because its better for you to not work yourself up over it otherwise they might just make you feel terrible which is something you really need to avoid because T gets so much worse with stress and fear.

White noise. Okay in my experience as long as the white noise isn't a noise that your T will react badly to then its generally okay. I find what is really hard with T is that it can feel like no escape because we need noise to help us forget but it can cause pain. Like my ears get over heated stuffy and I get stabbing pain and generally sensitivity, as well as louder T. But overall for the white noise as long as it doesn't cause you any noticeable problems Eg: Ear pain, T spike, then I think it s okay to use.

Getting your mind and focus off this?
Okay best thing to do is to actually use this as an advantage to find your passions or to pursue them more. it can be hard, you might feel like giving up but I found my passions are what help me get through this and help me to be happy, because when you're interested in something T can feel so much more distant and you feel empowered and strong and intrigued. You feel all the great things about being alive, and that is something that will drive you away from being depressed or always thinking about T.

I don't know about your last questions because they aren't my area of knowledge to be honest, however about trying steroid treatment I wouldn't try but that because my hearing loss is sensorineural so I doubt there is anything for me, but its probably very different for you

I really wish you the best, please remember that you just need to stay strong, I try to use my t to make me stronger and more understanding although I still have rough days, I really hope you'll do the same I know that everyone here is strong enough to keep going and be happy.