5 Years Later, My Tinnitus Story — Don't Give Up! The End Is FAR from OVER!

My Success Story—5 years later


Intro

Five years ago I received tinnitus. From that point, life has never been the same. I know exactly what you are going through. You are lost. You are fearful for your future. You have no energy. You are apathetic. Carrying the simplest conversations can be difficult due to the anxiety tinnitus causes. Your concentration has been affected and want the torment to stop. As a matter of fact, you already thought of suicide. Tears pour down your face because of the life have. Your thoughts are very destructive. Life seems impossible. As if there is no hope. But there is. And I found mine in God.

This letter is written to you—tinnitus sufferer. As many other success letters start, I am crying. I also can’t believe I am writing this letter. I will recollect my life shortly before tinnitus to where I am now and truly hope that you find value. The majority, if not all, of this letter is credited to God. He has brought me through the torment of tinnitus and still carries me today.

Onset

It was October 15, 2014. The events leading up to that day is a story itself. In short, I was 26 years old and felt I could achieve anything. The world was not enough. I thought I was the smartest person in the world. Amidst that day, I was preparing to move into a new city and begin a career as an owner operator truck driver. But God had other plans for me. To completely humble me and bring me to Him.

Prior to tinnitus I may not have made the best decisions in life. Some may have called me wild. Receiving tinnitus was God’s way of getting my attention. He slowed me down and simply said “Enough. Now I will take control”. Did I like it? Not one bit.

Challenges

In experiencing everything tinnitus offers, I hit rock bottom. Speaking to people was incredibly difficult. Getting my ideas across was challenging. I had no energy. I felt as if there was a ten-ton vest on me every time I tried to get out of bed. Through my eyes, everyone was having fun except me. Life sucked. Everything I worked up to until that point in my life seemed all for naught and adding tinnitus to the mix couldn’t have come at a worse time. I felt way over my shoulders in doom. So I sincerely repented and turned to God for help.

Around that time, I severely questioned my ability to function as a productive member of society. How can I hold a job? The anxiety made it unspeakably difficult to hold a conversation and concentrate. I had no energy. How can I drive a truck for 12 hours if I can’t even stay confident and focused for the better part of the morning? How can I live a normal life? How can I have a wife? The destructive thoughts of worry and fear about my future occurred daily.

Tinnitus Talk

Life was not easy. Even praying didn’t do much at first. I resorted to Tinnitus Talk for support, but it only went so far. The advice I received didn’t immediately change my circumstances. I was still facing daily problems with tinnitus and it was difficult to grasp that it gets better. There was a regular theme on the forum of individuals turning to anti-depressants as the solution. No matter how difficult it was, I knew that was not the answer and decided not to go down that path.

Accounting

I settled into the new city beginning of 2015. At that time there was an oil crisis and experienced truck drivers were getting laid off. I prayed to God for my future. Knowing it wasn’t the best time to join the industry, I reflected on my life and realized I would make a great accountant. I told myself that the opportunity for further education may not always be there, and I could always be a truck driver. My parents were willing to support my decision. I was hoping that by graduation I would recover from tinnitus, but I was concerned with my decision. Having graduated recently with a Bachelors of Arts, I was never a good student. Now I had to perform in a rigorous accounting program, and with tinnitus. I was not confident in my future.

University—pre Business School – 1 year since onset

Starting university in September 2015 was rough. I was 27, frustrated in my life’s position, and I was surrounded by freshly graduated high-schoolers trying to get into business school. My mind reflected to how my mom used to grill me about the importance of school. Had I have listened to her in the first place, I wouldn’t be in this position. It seemed that life had come full circle and I was paying the price. Fortunately, I met new people on campus who became friends. I also joined a Bible study group. I spoke about my tinnitus to professors, the toll it takes on concentration and inadvertently broke down several times. It didn’t embarrass me. You know how uncontrollable the tears can be. Taking my first exam with tinnitus was a nightmare. The anxiety and lack of concentration that strikes is severely debilitating and causes a disadvantage. I sought help and thankfully was able to gain accommodations for my future exams giving me 1.5 extra what the regular exam time was. As the months and semesters went by I gained confidence though my grades, Bible studies, and interactions I’ve had on campus. I was thankful to report receiving the first As of my life—even with tinnitus!

Business School—2 years since onset

Life since onset was still very rough. Every single day was a battle. Lacking energy, fighting destructive thoughts, looking unavoidably sad or tired were the norm. I made a choice not to speak to professors about tinnitus. A part of business school is going through the co-op program where you get experience in the professional world by taking time off from your studies. My thoughts of “how can I hold a job” were about to be meet. I found employment and began work. Throughout my co-op experience I worked at three different jobs. I was commended several times on a job well done and was able to not only function, but thrive. It wasn’t easy. Tinnitus impeaches your communication and concentration skills. Sometimes the anxiety overtook me and wasn’t able to perform my best. This led me back to being frustrated about tinnitus and life as a whole. I tried to stay positive and reflected in how far I’ve come.

After finishing my last co-op term, I was 4 years out since onset. At that time, I was working part-time while studying. Just 2 years earlier I didn’t even think I could work and study, and 4 years earlier I could barely get out of bed. What an incredible transformation!

Graduation and beyond

I graduated with distinction. Not only that, I immediately enrolled into the CPA program which is the professional designation for accountants. This program is twice as hard as university and I passed the first section by July 2019 while securing a position in a respectable accounting firm. Unbelievable! Afterwards, I went on a much earned vacation that allowed me to reflect.

Reflection, God, and the truth

You may be wondering why I told you a whole story of where I was to where I am now. It is important to see that process I went through to where I am today and how God carried me. Tinnitus is a monster. It can be paralyzing. After hitting rock-bottom and turning to God, I knew there was no turning back. I prayed every-day for Him to get me through the day, help me with my goals, and restore my life. Time and time again He placed the right people in my life to help me and allowed me to get the right job at the right time. It was not easy attaining those co-op positions. Two of the three positions were after 50 job applications each. He allowed me to graduate university with distinction—those exams were not easy, pass the first section of the CPA program—very difficult, and has provided me employment in an industry that is viciously competitive. This was achieved with tinnitus and through God. Thank you God!

It has been 5 years since I received tinnitus, and I’m going to lie—life is not all roses and dandelions. I still have difficulty with anxiety and energy. At times people look at me and ask me why I am sad or that I look very tired. Unbeknownst to them, it is the inadvertent effects of tinnitus. I hate such comments because it reminds me of my situation with tinnitus. The anxiety is more manageable, but I still have difficulty with comprehension at times. During some conversations, I simply want to agree and leave to make the anxiety stop. That doesn’t mean I’m not doing better. I’m doing better now in life than I ever was before tinnitus.

If I look at my life objectively, I’m doing amazing! I have a job in a respectable accounting firm working towards my professional designation. My physical body is in the best shape it has ever been after being consistent and get frequently complimented on my physique. In 1 month I’m going to be celebrating three years’ sobriety from any form of drug or alcohol. Just last week I celebrated 90 days not watching pornography. And so the list goes on. As I am writing this, I am in the head board room of our office at the head of the table. Did I think I would make it this far 5 years ago when I was frozen in fear and worry about my future? No! I do not want to take this journey for granted because I am grateful for all God has done for me. At rock-bottom I sincerely pleaded for help at the bottom of my heart. His grace has allowed me to achieve success and you can too if you turn to Him and lean on Him for support. Every day continues to be a battle with my thoughts and anxiety. I’m not going to tell you it magically disappears. I still cry at times. I’m actually crying right now. But it does get incomprehensively better. Of course I wish I don’t have tinnitus. There are more days than not that I wish this. But this is the life we have, and I plan to make the most of it. You can too, and I encourage you to do so.

What worked for me

1. No drugs, no alcohol, no smoking

- When tinnitus struck, it took my energy away. I had to figure out a way to gain it back. Marijuana and alcohol became incredibly harder to recover from after tinnitus. I rationalized that having anything making my life worse in conjunction to tinnitus was not worth it. Ridding yourself of these poisons allows your body and mind to function significantly better. It allows God to work in your life. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish to light a J. But I know that will only destroy all that I worked for and contribute nothing to bettering my life’s circumstances.

2. Physical exercise

- Exercise releases endorphins. Tinnitus can make you feel gloomy and a way to attack that is by exercising. I hold a regular fitness regime. The benefit is that you look good, feel good, and boost your self-esteem—all ways to combat the paralyzing effects of tinnitus.

3. Staying off tinnitus forums

- Forums can be doom and gloom. Take what you find useful and get out because some of the negativity of the forums may affect your mood and drown you.

4. Being grateful

- Be grateful for what you have. I would be thankful for the opportunity of getting an education, having a full stomach, having a great workout, having a great social circle, having a comfortable bed to sleep in, and so forth. Being grateful allows you to focus on the positives of life. What you have some people can only dream of.

5. Sleep

- I made sure to get well rested for the next day. I felt frustrated that some people can do more with less sleep, and not have to deal with tinnitus, but that simply didn’t change anything. So I focus on getting a good night’s rest. Work-out days I get nine hours of sleep. If I don’t work-out, then eight and a half is good.

6. Not comparing yourself to others

- We may have tinnitus, but other people surely have their fair of challenges as well. Focus on being the best version of yourself and don’t compare yourself to others. You are you and they are they. From the outside, they may be wishing to be you.

7. Not speaking about tinnitus

- I found speaking about tinnitus is a double edged sword. Every time I speak about tinnitus I cry. It reminds me of the realities of living with tinnitus and only adds fuel to the fire. As a result, I don’t speak about it. Speak about it only when you need to.

8. Earbuds

- A big blow to my self-esteem is having to wear earbuds in loud environments. Thankfully the buds I purchased are discrete and I’ve attached a picture. I tell friends—friends that don’t even know I have tinnitus-- that loud music gives me a head-ache in the morning and the buds prevent that. Most people don’t even notice I use ear-buds. The sooner I conditioned myself wearing the ear-buds, the better I felt. That doesn’t mean it’s all roses. I still feel slightly isolated as a result of having to wear them, but they provide me the means to go out and enjoy myself so I am thankful.

9. Journaling

- Journaling is a great tool to straighten your thoughts. It allows you to write down what is working, what isn’t, and what has to change. I encourage you to simply get a piece of paper and pen and write down your thoughts without any distractions. Turn off your phone and put it away while you write. Your soul will guide your hand to develop a successful plan in life—no matter what the odds.

10. God

- After how helpless I felt being struck with tinnitus, I turned to God and learned more about myself, life, and Him by reading the Bible and joining a Bible study group. This letter is a conviction to this glory in having brought me this far. I simply would not be writing this if it wasn’t for Him. The Bible teaches us that life is not free from suffering. Even Jesus suffered the on the cross. The following are biblical truths that helped me.

- Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him”. Life with tinnitus sucks. But it allowed me to become a better person. I don’t use drugs or alcohol anymore. I stay away from pornography. I’m a significantly nicer person. I do nice things now that I formerly would never do such as buying food for the homeless and donating money to church. God is always working behind the closed door. We may not necessarily always get an immediate answer, or ever, but God is good and will bring us through this. Believe in his plan and know he is working for your good. The best is yet to come.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16 “be joyful; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you”. You never know God’s plan for your life. You don’t, or may know, why tinnitus is good for you. God is a caring father and hardship is a way of him communicating his concerns for us. It allows us to grow and become more Christ like. This passages allowed me to look at the positive side of tinnitus, or other events life that displease me. I take heart that God is in control and is working for my good.

- Genesis 37 begins with the story of Joseph. In summary, Joseph was sold by his brothers at age 17 as a slave and remained that way for the next 13 years. Joseph faced tests which were difficulty and challenging, but in the end was appointed to King of Egypt. Throughout his journey the Bible repeatedly states “the lord was with him”. I try to picture Joseph’s journey analogous to mine. I am 5 years into a journey of 13. Will I be king in another 8? I like to think God is molding a similar destiny for all of us!

- The story of Job. The Bible described Job as “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil”. Yet to make a point to Satan, God allowed Satan to destroy Job by taking his wealth, killing is children, and striking him with painful sores across his whole body. What Job faced is unfathomable. At one time his wife said to him “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!” What struck me was Job’s response. Job said “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”. Are we only going to accept good from God and not bad? How is that fair? Life is a medallion. There are two sides—good and bad having to accept both. The passages above should be very encouraging because the bad is working for your good. It is obviously not easy. In fact, it is very hard. Job’s story finished with “The Lord made [Job] prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before”.

Bonus resources I used

1. Ryan Atkins. This man has been through a lot. With incredible insight, Ryan blends God’s word and applies it to daily life. Please follow his journey and reflect on his blog.

2. Book--It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. This man was burned over 80% of his body making him physically unattractive and losing his fingers. Then 4 years later, he was involving in an accident making him a paraplegic. You would think enjoyment in life was over, but this man shows what a full life is left to live. Amazing Story! Learn from him! His key message is focusing on what you can do, not what you can’t do anymore.

Final thoughts

I can’t believe I made it this far. I make a continual effort to rid items not beneficial to my goals to overcome tinnitus. The daily challenges with tinnitus are still here, but my life is exponentially better since onset. I don’t want to be a victim! I want to come back in another 5 years and show further improvement. Writing this letter is a testament to God’s grace and reflective of my growth since onset. 5 years ago I was at rock bottom praying to be saved. I don’t want tinnitus to be the definition of my life. I want the best the world has to offer, and more. Being able to say that now in comparison to 5 years ago is beautiful and almost incomprehensible.

Don’t play the victim card. Keep working. You have the power within you to overcome tinnitus and any other obstacle that is challenging you. Reflect daily on what is working and what is not. Celebrate your victories. Make a plan and execute. Believe in God and lean on him. The best is yet to come!

I have made this letter for the betterment of the tinnitus community. I hope this post has been beneficial to what you are going through because I have been there. Should anyone need any help or advice I am here, but please consider What worked for me point #3. As further time goes by, the less I will check messages. Remember—staying on tinnitus forums can be counterproductive in the long run.

 

Wow! What a great bio. Glory be to God through our prosperity and trials. I have the story of Joseph with me these last couple months too. My tinnitus is no longer a hardship. It's fairly loud, but the Lord has surrounded me with joy and purpose.

I'm going on 3 years with tinnitus.

I would print the bio you posted to share with your kids, to show them the journey you've traveled. It's inspirational.

Take care, and thank you.