Another Victim of Tinnitus

Discussion in 'Support' started by Zechariah, Jan 15, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. Zechariah

      Zechariah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Another Victim of T - My Relationship. Long story short - My girlfriend left me. Why?

      Well, there was multiple mild reasons but the biggest reason was that "I have changed" after I got T which is pretty much true. I got more serious and lost the playful side of my personality. I became less social and spontaneous (I kind of stopped trying new things etc.). The usual stuff with T. Frankly I became boring and I can't really blame her leaving me while she still was at her early twenties.

      The point of this message isn't to beg compassion so spare me. :D

      The point is that when you are in a relationship - please make sure that your partner knows what you are going through, how do you feel and why do you act like you act. Educate them about T that they understand the situation. And lastly the most difficult thing - let them know that it will get better in a way or another (regardless how you feel at bad days) and get of from your "tinnitus comfort zone" by doing things you used to as soon as possible. I'd say most of us chronic sufferers habituate to the level that the life is almost or somewhat as it was before (in terms of doing things and socializing).

      I failed to express these thoughts and feelings and now I pay the price. I'm not saying that being more open would have saved my relationship necessarily but she wouldn't have felt as alone and bored if I've had been more open.

      As a rational guy I usually don't put too much weight in this relationship-feelings-blaablaa blabber when it comes to Tinnitus or in general but it seems I should have...
       
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    2. Cristian Ro

      Cristian Ro Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      If your girlfriend left you because you have tinnitus, maybe she wasn't exactly what you needed.

      My girlfriend ("girlfriend" who I spend my life with since 2003) said I should sell my house, she will put all her money too (we keep separate accounts), and we should go and solve my problem.
      She is 33 years old, she look like a 25 years old, she can have a new man anytime. Sometimes I ask myself why she spend time with this fat bastard, bald, full of problems...
       
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    3. Zechariah

      Zechariah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      Well she didn't left me because of my T. She left me because I wasn't the man anymore to whom she fell in love.

      Maybe you haven't changed after getting T (after getting over from inital shock)?
       
    4. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      It definetly takes a huge toll on relationships, marriages, family, work, social life.... and here I'm taking about REAL tinnitus and not some "need to look for it to hear it".

      Sorry to hear she left you but you can hardly blame her, discrepancy in compassion and understanding between people who have tinnitus is huge, so what to expect from someone who doesn't have it?

      My marriage survived by the skin of teeth!
       
    5. Bobby B
      Fine

      Bobby B Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term NIHL and recent acoustic trauma
      I used to play real loud music on my stereo at home and in the car and my gf hated it and we always had an argument about it

      Guess who is happy now ?
       

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