Difficult Relationships and Tinnitus

Discussion in 'Support' started by Kah Povi, Mar 17, 2016.

    1. Kah Povi

      Kah Povi Member Benefactor

      New Mexico
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Genetics and stress
      According to my shrink, a lot of my inability to cope with tinnitus is connected to a difficult relationship. He wants me to try to get comfort from a very depressed partner. And the idea of splitting up makes me crazy both because I love my partner and because I don't want to abandon him. Intimacy, love, connection are so important in dealing with what sometimes feels like an overwhelming noise in my head. I don't want to live alone, but chronic stress with a partner who is sullen, unaffectionate and negative feels toxic. Between a rock and a difficult place. I sometimes suspect that the spike that happened a year ago was due to trauma associated with my partner. Thank the universe for wonderful friends and doing work that I love. Has anyone else been motivated by the tinnitus alarms going off to end a difficult relationship or thought about doing so?
    2. Ears Hurt

      Ears Hurt Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Whiplash or Buzzer (abuse from ex)
      Dump him! I made the mistake of staying and its probably one of the reasons I have tinnitus.
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    3. Mario martz

      Mario martz Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      i Think thats a decision you have to take by heart.
      i think that the tinnitus iam experience has to do a lot with
      my past relationship, it was very abussive, and used to be a lot of violence,
      and i ended it last fall, after that i havent cop with the break up.
      even that it was really neeeded...then tinnitus appeared.
      so i guess.. you have to really think about it, if you guys cant fix it.
      maybe its time to move on.
    4. jdjd09

      jdjd09 Member

      Flip what you just said to the other person's perspective in the relationship. Would you want someone just dumping you because they were depressed or down? I'm not saying what the right answer is here. But I am questioning it, because I doubt people would be all for dumping a person going through hard times when that person is them.

      Now, sure, if there is abuse apsolutly get out if there is a good exit option. But, if the other person is going through hard times? I guess maybe I don't agree with the modern attitude (or maybe it's been this way forever) of ditching your partner over hard times. In fact I find it deplorable.
    5. Fangen

      Fangen Member Benefactor

      Stockholm, Sweden
      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2nd, 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma (loud concert for 1h)
      That is very hard to give you advice on. There is a lot of context that we are missing.
      For example, why is your partner depressed? Have he been like that for a long time? Is he trying to get better or is he not doing anything about it?
      How is your partner linked to your spike? Is is that you are resenting him because he was connected to it? My bf is connected to my T, he invited me to a concert and I went there without plugs. So, I mean, I could say he is connected but I don't resent him or blame him at all. It was my choice to go and my ignorance to not bring any plugs.

      That aside, if you are feeling like you cannot get better because he is the way he is, then you have to think about if leaving him will change anything. If every part of your body screams yes, then do it. But if you are uncertain, I can promise you, that you'll fall back to the relationship again as soon as you two try to talk it over or if he is begging for you to come back. But you need to put yourself as top priority, or you will waste your time and life on someone that is not worth it. I have more or less always been the one leaving in my relationships, it sounds harsh, but I wasn't happy (sometimes it was due to being immature and young) and I couldn't see the point of trying when it was clear that this person wasn't the one I wanted to spend my life with. You're being scared of being alone and that is why most people stick around a partner that is not good for them until they have wasted even more time and then finally realizes that they need to leave.
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