Don't Know How to Take This Anymore

I have loud T for 11 months now and haven't habituated at all. I have different noises moving around my head. The more I hear it, the more I feel it. Sometimes it's a high pitched noise banging against my head. Sometimes the noise is in my ear and I feel pressure there. I keep telling myself it's just a noise but that isn't working. It's hard to not hear the noise in my head because it is so loud. Is it possible to habituate to something like this? When I go to sleep at night I often wish that either the noise will go away or I won't wake up anymore. During the day I try to keep busy, but I am still on sick leave and can't imagine going to work like this.

 

I've read stories of people that say they've habituated to 'jet engine' level T, so it should be possible, yes. The sound won't hurt you (it's not even real), it's only the negative emotional reaction that harms us. The trick is to learn to not let the T trigger fear or panic anymore, just accept it as something that's there but is no threat to you.
Well, that's the theory, and I know in practice it's not that easy. But still important to keep in mind.
Have you tried masking it? White noise, nature sounds, find something that works for you.

 

@Anna051 . Hi I feel your pain I've been there to its not easy living with tinnitus you just wish the noises in your ear and head would just go away. But the fact is its not going to go away. It might in your case as you have had it for 11 months . I've had my tinnitus for nearly 4 years and still it bothers me most of the time. I know mine won't go away I've had it to long I've just excepted it now. There is hope. Research is ongoing. There are pharmacological treatments. Sound therapy. Cognitive behaviour therapy. Tinnitus retrain therapy. Neurostimulation. Neuroimaging. There is also a lot of help on this forum of ways to better cope with your tinnitus. Hope this is some help to you.

 

I understand, it has wrecked my life too.

You have been on sick leave for 11 months?
How do you manage that?

 

Hi @Anna051 have you read this story? Remember that our ( excessive ) reaction to T is the main culprit of our mood, not the ring itself.

 

Yes, I have read this story many times, over and over again. I hope to get there somehow. But it is really hard when you feel so bad because of tinnitus.

 

In Germany we all have health insurance that pays a percentage of your salary for up to 18 months. Don't know what I'll do after that. I have never been sick before. But my T is really bad and I really can't work this way. Just trying to get through the day, day by day.

 

@Karel, thank you. Yes I often try mask it with nature sounds and white noise. But that kinda drives crazy after a while. It's so tiresome doing that the whole day.

 

It's tough going for us all. But what else can we do but just to except it. Or it will take over our wellbeing. It's mind over matter that will see us through this mental torture which we are all going through . Research is ongoing so hopefully there will be a cure for us all soon. Also there are other ways to help us as I previously explained earlier.

 

Wish I was in Germany, I got loud tinnitus caused by a work incident and got no time off. I struggle to get through the day too.
Work even seems to make it worse.
I even went to HR and safety early on and told them I was having a hard time sleeping and it was affecting my work and I just got yelled at. If it's subjective it may as well not exist.

Sorry for the negative post, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I'm just frustrated too.

 

I know what you're feeling. Ever since I have T only one day has gone by where I did not want to die. I hope these feelings wil go away eventually. I have to believe they will. Today I have to go to work for a meeting. I feel very nauseated, for me that is a sign of stress. I prefer nausea and anxiety to depression though.r

Are you getting any form of help?

 

Thank you for your post. Has neurostimulation or neuroimaging helped you? I have to find more out about that.

 

Yes I feel the same way you do, wanting to die every day. That shows how bad it much be for me because I never had such feelings before. I struggle each day hoping that one day it won't bother me anymore.

I am going to a psychotherapist once a week. I don't feel like I have a depression though. It's just the noise and the other sensations that causes anxiety and makes me feel really bad. I think that I if I didn't feel the T it maybe wouldn't bother me so much. I'm hoping that that will go away some day.

 

@Anna051 how did you end up with Tinnitus?

 

@Anna051
I have never been depressed or had anxiety issues before T. Can you get enough sleep?

 

I dont get how you say you have never been depressed but you said you want to die??

 

I don't know exactly. Probably stress.

 

At first no, but after 7 months it started to get better. I also take remeron at night. How about you?

 

It's like having bad pain. People with really bad pain sometimes want to die because of that although they weren't depressed before. But like I said, I hope that this will get better somehow.

 

I am on Remeron and Xanax. I consider wanting to die every day depression. You could also call it mourning. I don't know the difference.

I do want to add that for me the feeling of wanting to die is diminishing lately. This morning it was really intens. I've been at work and now am with my children listening to music while they are playing videogames and I feel happy. It's moments, but its a start!

 

Anna

I know how you feel. I've had it 6 years now and it has worsened over time for me, which doesn't mean it will be the case for you, as most say it gets better with time. I take a wee bit of mirt and occasional zopiclone as sleeping with this racket in my head/ears is almost impossible.
Sometimes work can be helpful unless it gets really stressful. If I manage to get some sleep, then work can be a good distraction. Maybe you could consider going back to work a bit at a time and see how you feel. I think I would be worse staying at home all the time as you tend to focus on it more. Living as normal a life a possible helps I think. I still struggle emotionally and many days I wish I didn't have to live like this but one day at a time.

 

How long have you been on medication? is it working? and do you take it daily? I am taking .50 ativan, and its starting to get addicting, plan was as needed, but it helps me relax and sleep, at first id take it once a week, then a couple times, this past week 4 or maybe times in a week, I wake up on edge, my T is very loud after coming off high dose of gabapentin too quick,

 

I've been on Lexapro for ten years. I suffered from depression and anxiety even before my tinnitus started in 1996. I always assumed my tinnitus was a symptom of depression. When I started taking AD's, the noise in my head went away for about a year. But then it mysteriously came back. I've tried others - Paxil, Zoloft - but the Lexapro is the most tolerable one I've used.

I had a major relapse last week. The loud humming in my head returned after being silent for about 8 months. I may talk to my doctor about adding another drug. I feel as if I'm at the bottom of a very dark well again.