Feel Guilty

I have had T for many yrs and when it first started I thought..was sure..I would go completely insane..I used to put one item in the dishwasher just to hear some other sound..having a bath was awful..couldn't relax..as so little sound..at the time I wasn't working..and thought I never would again..so I just went slowly crazy for a whole yr..couldn't keep still..lost over 2 stones in weight..couldn't eat..on sleeping tablets..strong ones that made me like a drunk half the day..

finally I had had enough and found a little job in a local shop..the 1st few mths were awful as everyone could clearly see something wasn't right..I did explain and found people who either had a family member or friend who had same..

I began to enjoy my job as listening and having to focus was good for me..after some time I gradually learned to live with T very successfully..I went back into teaching later on and again was coping very well..retired now a few yrs as have looked after parents..Hubby also developed T in left ear too..and coped very well..

recently however I have been under extreme stress..wont bore everyone with that..but really bad..got a bad cold and the T seemed to take over yet again..back to panic attacks..*fight or flight* not being able to focus..same old back to square one story..I get days when its fairly low key and others where its impossible to concentrate on anything other than the dreadful ringing sound..back on sleeping tablets..

lots of stress and yet more to come as my dear old Mum is now terminally ill..Hubby has 3 heart problems..and I fear losing them..so no wonder T is back with me in all its glory..I have tried all the suggestions and nothing works for me..tho it may for others..

so am now battling all over again..cant work now as too old but have recently applied to be a volunteer..just to get me out and about..

how does everyone else cope? I feel guilty because yet again everyone can see my suffering..and those around me don't need the strain of this.

 

LoobyLou,
Welcome to the forum.
It's funny. Some people here hate being in silence because of tinnitus. Others hate being around sound. I avoid being in proximity to the running dishwasher because it hurts my ears but you find the sound of the dishwasher comforting!
We do have some things in common though....I recently retired. I spend time taking care of my 92 year old mother. My husband has heart problems. I understand how you don't want to burden your loved ones with your problems.
You asked how others cope....Have you ever sought help from a therapist for dealing with your tinnitus? I found behavioral therapy to be helpful.