Finding Hard to Cope with the Screaming in My Ears

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Andrew78, Dec 6, 2015.

    1. Andrew78

      Andrew78 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      I first noticed it in late October this year after having a root canal procedure completed. I thought it was temporary as it would come and keep me up occasionally and then fade away into glorious silence. This changed on November 22nd to be a constant source of pure misery for me.

      For some background I have been on 3 different courses of antibiotics to fight off a sinus infection. I was using a Neti Pot but that seemed to just make it worse. I would use the pot and then have sever pressure build up and screaming in primarily my left ear (but now it fluctuates between them). The 1st 2 courses of antibiotics were for a week and it was Clindamycin. Now i'm on Doxycycline. I was awake for almost 72 hours at one point and had to force myself to go to a friends house and just utterly breakdown about what I was dealing with. At that point he sent me to the hospital and they kept me in the psych ward fearing I would harm myself for that night and knocked me out with a double dose of Zopiclone.

      I also suffer with PTSD. I was diagnosed in late 2014 (although I know now I have been dealing with this since major traumas occured in my youth) and was very suicidal at this point. I came out of my fugue and started to take great steps at that point to change my life around. I've been going through my health issues and tackling them one by one over the last 15 months. I have lost 55 pounds so far, had 2 minor surgeries, been in physio since last april to correct numerous back and leg issues from several accidents I never bothered to work on at the time, i've been in counselling this whole time trying to rewire my brain to focus on the plethora of positive things that life can bring and it has helped reduce my PTSD issues dramatically. I get praise from everyone I work with and in my social circles for the hard work I have put in. I am a warrior.

      The problem know is that the screaming in my ear has resulted in a great deal of ear pressure and several nights (some back to back) where I have no sleep at all. I feel like a zombie and all the negative thoughts from a completely irrational brain trying to find me a solution to this inescapable sound in my head. The thoughts of killing myself have come back full swing and after already having 2 family members hang themselves I get so incredibly angry that this seems like it could even be a solution but at the same time i'm grasping for straws.

      I had a 3d scan done of my root canal and they see a bit of inflammation in the sinus and spots were the infection is. The hospital was supposed to fax the ENT for me to see them and they never faxed it and I missed an opportunity to go to them as a result this past week. I am going to my dentist to have them remove an amalgam filling they put on top of an older filling in the hopes that helps alleviate some of the issues (I took a boiling hot epsom salt bath and that tooth started singing loudly in my head like all the tinnitus was centered around it). I have another appointment with a holistic dentist and the maxillofacial specialist there to look at my TMJ as well. I also had a soft splint made for my lower teeth and lost it after a week and a half which spiked my anxiety through the roof.

      I am a fighter, I have vast reservoirs of strength but the exhaustion is starting to wear me down. I get maybe 4-5 hours of sleep on heavy doses of zopiclone and my doctor is worried I will get addicted to them. I'd rather be a sleeping pill junkie than go through life as an irrational zombie.

      I've had 3 moments were it gave me hope. 1: when I stopped taking any antibiotics and wasn't using the steroid spray mometosone or using the neti pot. for a period of almost a day the sounds were almost non-existent. 2: after the hospital stay I was let out and barely heard the sound at all (although it could have been masked by the sounds outside) and it gave me hope. 3: The other day I went for dinner with my foster mother and had an emotionally flushing conversation, I could feel the dopamine coursing through me (the tingles) and after that I heard nothing for almost 24 hours until I went for a spaghetti dinner and smoked some marijuana with a friend and it seemed to come back almost immediately.

      My mother thinks it's related to the weed and that I have an allergy that is spiking the sounds and sinus inflammation. I broke down with her on skype last night (she lives in Norway and my foster mom is local) and so much snot came out of me while I was bawling that after I noticed a large decline in the tinnitus. She is a microbiologist and thinks it could be several factors and is convinced it is temporary. I do not share her optimism.

      I don't know what to do. I get so close to eating a bottle of pills and then I get angry at myself and tell myself that my family has already been through so much pain that I cannot do this again to them (2 cousins hung themselves on my mothers side and another one was lost at sea on my fathers side, all within a 3 year period).

      I'm desperate to know if anyone has had these symptoms on a temporary basis and also want to know how to cope. i'm so focused on the sound that I sit with my fingers in my ears hoping for any reduction. I am listless and lost almost 15 pounds in the last 2 weeks alone due to my lack of desire to eat or even to exist. I do have strong moments and ones that help me to push onwards but i've had so much time off work as well that i'm worried I will be forced onto long term disability as this is my 3rd go around this year due to the other health issues I fought/fighting to get over.

      I just don't have any answers and that's the most damning thing of all.
    2. billie48

      billie48 Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure
      Welcome Andrew. I am on vacation right now but I spot your post and I hope you will get some help from members. Don't do anything drastic to yourself. T is not an end game. Your T is very new and you have moments of not hearing your T. You are already miles ahead of me and many others. My T is ultra high pitch dog whistle. It floored me when it hit. I had never listened such an alien high pitch sound which cut through most everything, including the jet noise of the flight I just took and the 2 recent ones. It can be heard even above the raging rapids of the salmon rivers I fish. Then as if T suffering wasn't enought, severe hyperacusis joined in the misery. It turned all normal sounds piercingly hurtful as if my ears got drilled constantly by every innocent sounds around me, including the soft voice of my wife.

      Ya, the suicidal thoughts were there. They happened to many members too. So don't be too alarmed about that. Most people would have those thoughts when the brain saw no way out. But most every one won't do the unthinkable. though You are a fighter. You will through the tough patches. I also suffered PTSD like you. I got it when I witnessed the tragic accidental death of my son at 5 years old. I had to receive one year of intensive psychiatric counselling and taken all sorts of drugs to control the severe depression and emotional swings. Life is beautiful, but it does have its ugly moments. Try hang on and try to enjoy the beauty of life. I post my success story and list many important points to help me turn around. If you have the time, check it out.

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