Having a big relapse and feeling depressed

Hello, first of all thank you for this place where I can tell my story and maybe even find some help or ideas too.
I started with T when I was 18 and for no reason that I could figure, suddenly started with the high pitched ringing that just wouldn't disappear. I was distressed and scared stiff. The fear was awful and I remember banging my head against the wall in frustration. To cut that particular long story short I gradually habituated and went on to live a pretty normal life and found that I could be generally happy and eventually didn't even notice the ringing so much so that I could forget about it for weeks/months/years at a time unless I was in a very quiet place. Even then it didn't bother me, I would just ignore it.
I'm now 47 but I feel I have done a very silly and regretable thing. I'm wondering how many of you may have experience of this and how you coped.
Recently, a friend chatted to me about her friend who is currently in the throes of T and is finding life hard. Listening to his story brought back painful memories for me thinking about those traumatic early days. I thought I'd listen in to see if my T was still there and guess what it was. Not only that but it suddenly pinged even louder as if to say 'hello, here I am. Still here!!!'.
Feel like I've regressed about 25 years and feeling sad and even angry with myself. To make matters worse I've even become a bit obsessed, ploughing through the internet looking at all the latest research etc which I have not done for years. I know this isn't helping but I can't seem to stop! I find myself 'listening in' which I know isn't going to help (again, I can't seem to stop myself) and sleeping is already affected. In fact, last night was awful and I'm already dreading tonight. Is this a 'spike' and if so how do I start to deal with it again.? Thank you for any thought/ideas/support in advance. I'm feeling foolish but also very down.

 

@Hare Bell: Sorry for you that you have a hard time right now. Most here do and know what you are going through.
I myself am still on the road to habituation to a high-pitched, screaming T. Anxiety and depression is the worst.
Don't blame yourself that you listened to someone who is in need of help and need suggestions. I myself talk with several people on a regular base who have T. Luckily they have no problem with this.
Your story shows me that one can become unaware (even for years) of T if you don't care. But if you do care, concentrate on it or have a hard time for other reasons, T can bring you down.
There is no cure yet, but maybe in the future. Autifony works on a drug calming down overactive neurons. They are in phase II and maybe this will give us relief.
In your case you habituated already once. So I am sure you will send your T into background again.
In the meantime, find many people here who went through the same and supply excellent help for sufferers.
All the best,
Martin

 

Hi Hare Belle,

Do you know what caused your T? Are you taking any supplements to calm your T? Have you been drinking plenty of water?

 

Hello there Martin 69, I notice that you have had your T a similar amount of time as me and just like you I am trying hard to habituate but sometimes I wonder if trying too hard means we are still obsessed and giving it more space in our thoughts than we should, I would be interested on what you think and what you are doing to help yourself.?

I am currently seeing an audiologist who specialises in TRT and one thing she has given me is a hearing aid that is programmed to get noise into the low frequency area where my hearing loss is and although I am only two weeks into this I really am not sure how it will help but I know early days yet, have you got anything that is helping you ? This is a long painful road.

Take care
Fred

 

Hello, thank you for reading my post and for your replies.
I never found out what caused my original T back in 1986/7. I did enjoy nightclubs and went about twice a week, regularly. I don't do anything like that now, being 'old'. Hahaha. I did go to the doctors a few times but to no avail. He did not have any ideas or solutions or even a formal diagnosis. Eventually, I somehow must have habituated. Sadly, I can't recall how I even did that.
I think this time however, I have stirred up the T and woken the 'noise' by thinking too much and now obsessing. I feel a bit stupid and so angry with myself as I said above. It feels quite loud today and I can't escape it. I'm trying really hard to stay calm and not panic.
I don't take any supplements - I'd be interested ( and grateful) to hear what you or others suggest. Does drinking plenty of water help then? I must admit I don't drink enough water if I'm honest.

 

Hi Hare Bell, I'm not a doctor but others have reported some success taking magnesium, zinc and /or fish oil supplements (Omega 3s) in calming their T. Drinking 2L per day of water with freshly squeezed lemon could help also.

These vitamins are in abundance in certain foods also. I personally prefer pumpkin seeds and almonds to munch on whenever I get a spike.

http://www.healthaliciousness.com/articles/foods-high-in-magnesium.php

Best wishes,
Mark

Edit: Antioxidants found in blueberries and raspberries are good also.

Hi Fred, definitely, the best way to habituate is to ignore it and keep busy. I just embrace it as a noise within my biological function and therefore nothing unusual. If you resent the noise and keep your mind locked into it that's when habituation becomes more difficult.

There's a good thread on this exact topic.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/state-of-mind.5414/#post-55262

Best wishes,
Mark

 

Thanks for your reply MarkD, I can see that you have not had your T for very long, early days I know but are you finding it getting any easier for you, is your T particularly noisy, do you have it on one ear or both ?
Thank you
Fred

 

Hello Fred.
I am 9 months in with a high-pitched T in my head which sounds like a dog whistle. Awful.
As you can imagine, I tried several things like:
- Being on the board many times a day or staying away from the board for a week (as a mental approach).
- Tried hearing aids, WNGs and combination of both. Nothing helped really since my T is ultra high-pitched.
- Got Atlas correction at the chiro
- Tried supplements
- Was in clinic for 7 weeks where I made TRT
- Trying distractions like video games, golf, whatever
- Reading success story on a daily basis
- Did a mindful course and reading books like "Feeling Good".
- Taking ADs against depression and for sleep (Remeron).
- Trying to work as distraction.

So regarding your question, what has really helped.
Nothing really, I hear my T 24/7/365. So what do I do on the long painful road (as you correctly said):
- I try to live my life as good as possible.
- I cry when I need to cry (3-4 times a week)
- I take Remeron against AD and for sleep
- I mask with high-pitched cricket sounds
- I work half-time (4 hours a day), but can work from home
- I try to keep myself busy as good as possible (working, video games, golf, family, gardening, house). This is one of the most difficult tasks since a depression wants you moving into this "Doing nothing" state.
- Read success stories on the yuku board and here where people habituated to this.
- Help people here and get help on a regular base.

Is this a life? No, not really.
But I hope for TIME do its work. Either healing, habituating or cure (Autifony?).

My suggestion for you:
If you have T in lower range, try the WNGs. White noise can help.
Besides that, live life and challenge each day. I myself need to survive for my family and two kids.

Regarding obsession: Yes, I know this. People say you think/read/write too much about your T. But trust me, they don't know. If you have a health issue, you want to get rid of it and your mind circles around it. In particular if it hurts 24/7. So obsession or not, we must get used to it.

So I think and over time, we get used to it.
All the best for you,
Martin

 

Martin, if i may ask, which one of the sounds here does yours sound like? http://www.ata.org/sounds-of-tinnitus

I initially had the 7500hz one in my left ear but it has faded. I always had the hissing, cicada sound but it has now become my primary sound. Both were initially a lot louder than they are now but I think i have habituated which makes it sound lower than it is.

Also, do you know how you got your T?

Hi Fred, thanks for your questions. I've had my T for about 2 months. Its definitely getting easier because it has calmed down a bit and im controlling it to some degree through my diet and supplementation. I'm also habituated to the level of sound i'm dealing with at the moment. I'm pretty sure i have it in my brain related to both ears now.

 

@Hare Bell Hi I'm Ken 24 years with T. Relapses 3 and currently in one now. You didn't do anything wrong to cause your T to come to the forefront so get that out of your head. I have habituated every relapse and do not see why I won't do it again! Living with T can be done and you know it! This is your first relapse. I know it feels like the onset. Read around this forum. There are good ideas. I for go to medications to sleep. Follow my posts. I know it is a slow and long process. After all it is there 24/7. You will habituate. You know the drill time is our allied.
God Bless, Ken

 

Thank you everyone.

 

You're welcome. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

 

Thank you Martin for your reply, a little bit like you, somehow I have this theory that nothing will really help get rid of this apart from trying to get your mind in the right place and time, my T is really loud today and at times I cannot ever see my self habituating to this but I also read those same success stories and realise that people who said they had loud T had managed to come out the other side of this journey so we have to believe that it will happen as long as we stay positive and have hope.
best wishes, stay in touch.
Fred

 

Hi Mark.
My T sounds exactly like a dog whistle (you will find some sounds on youtube).
I got it from high level of stress.
It started like a binary switch from none to full blast.
Good that your calmed a little bit.
It will hopefully improve further.

 

Fred, Since you are located in London, maybe having an appointment with J. Sheldrake would be worth a try.
She is one of the leading TRT experts world-wide.
Maybe read the discussion on the yuku tinnitus board with subject "Question for SP regarding TRT".
Best wishes.

 

Thank you, I will look her up.

 

Well, I have dipped in and out here today and overall I feel so much better. So, I'm thankful for that because today I really needed a bit of help. Mr.T is still there doing his best to wreck my life!! I have read some lovely stuff, some hopeful, some positive, some just sooooooo sad. My heart goes out to those. I remember those early tormented days and reminds of the time I first had to deal with this crap. T has been loud today but I can still drown him with a running tap or a shower (a fave place). I miss silence - but we all do don't we. Wish we could kill this demon I really do. Dreading going to bed already. XXX

 

hare bell.. your story is pretty amazing, did you avoid loud places, protect with earplugs during all the years you barely noticed it, and did you ever have any spikes with colds, flus, etc since 1987

 

No, I think the only things that helped were 'time passing' and letting go of the stress. I just wish I could remember how I did that! Sounds so easy, but is so hard. No spikes with colds or flu. I didn't ever really do loud concerts or stuff like that. I'm a very quiet sort of person. Went to see a live band (only once) and was ok with it. However if I'm honest, it was a long time ago. I so wish I could recall how I actually did it. In the meantime, however, if you're reading this in torment then I not only know how that feels, but have over-ridden it once. It was pretty vile at the time and so I hope it can perhaps give some people hope that the same can happen for them. I felt so stressed and so alone. Sites and forums like this did not exist back then (the internet didn't exist) neither did Utoob with the lovely 'masking' stuff.

 

@Martin69 did your T ever "mutate" or change in those past few months? You have only one tone? (the dog whistle)?

 

Difficult to say. It was always high-pitched and loud - like rail tracks when the train has passed.
But I can remember times where I had it only in one ear - at the very beginning. But this could be because I was on Valium which calms the brain down. Later, it moved into the head. Interestingly today it was not that bad, more like a buzzing - although I can hear it all the time. But I had moments today where I ignored it and it was maskable today. Yes, it is one tone. When it is a little bit lower, like today, it is little bit of relief. When it is very loud, my whole head is buzzing like crazy.

 

@Martin69 I'm REALLY happy to read that you are having a lower day!! seriously!! If this life can give you some relief, you deserve it!!

My T has been acting really weird in the past week... I am single and I met someone new recently! I went to bed late a week ago and my T changed, it became reactive ++++!! Some sounds were like "a frying pan" in my head, like when you cook something with oil!! And my T was EXTRA loud... I work in a call center and the sound of everybody talking at the same time made the "frying pan" sound so freaking LOUD in my headset!!!!

Unlike 2 months ago, I decided not to freak out... Before that new reactive T, my T had been VERY low for a few days... I talked to myself that the only reason it was louder and more reactive is because my lack of sleep. I went to bed early for the next 2 nights, tried to mask the T as much as I could, enjoyed the weekend with my kids and some friends... and the super-reactive T is now gone.

Today, my baby boy is sick so I'm home. I took a nap with him, my T is super low, not reactive and I'm really enjoying life. These breaks are welcomed and needed. So I am glad that you are having a little break too.

Just wanted to share!

 

Good. I am so glad for you. Tough how you handle your life.
Three kids, working in a call center and T. Wow. I could not handle that. You are so strong.
I wish you that your T stays low. Prayers.

 

@Martin69 I pray for the day that you get your life back... when you are fed up, I believe you will get up one day and tell T to go f*ck itself... You've already demonstrated that your mind is very strong, it's a matter of time before you feel better.

Hugs xx

 

Hey @Hare Bell. Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time - hopefully you are doing better now?

The thing about T is that we can all have relapses, even years later. The good news? It doesn't sound like your T has gotten any louder. It sounds more like that talking about T has brought it to the forefront again. T - if anything - is a mental ailment. Millions of people have T, but most aren't bothered about it. T requires mentally strengthening yourself and I am sorry to say for some people with problems with anxiety/depression (myself included) T is an absolute nightmare.

But here is the thing: you have already survived T once before. As you said, you could easily forget about it for even months, maybe even years at a time. To be honest that is where I want to be right now. I think I am getting there, just very slowly. My point is, that if you have gotten to that point once before you can do it again. Take comfort in that.

My guess is you habituated by simply forgetting about T and living life the way you wanted; eventually your T shifted into the background. I would advise trying to do that again. Since you have already done it once, I think you should be able to do it again, and a lot faster too! If you have trouble sleeping I would suggest using maskers to cover the noise. If needed, maybe use meds, but to be honest since you have coped with T before I would advise trying not to. You slept well before this setback; you should be able to again. Of course it is your call, but if you do take meds try to view them as a temporary solution. And avoid internet searching! I did this and came up with awful stories - in some cases the internet is very unhelpful.

Try to forget about your T. Distract yourself and do something that you really enjoy. I am approaching the six month marker for my T, but I have purchased a new book (not because of that; because I really wanted the book) and believe that I will be so busy with work, every-day life etc and enjoying the book to be too bothered by my T.

Good luck! Don't worry about adapting - as I said you have done it before, and I have absolute faith you will be able to again

 

@citigirl13 your post is warm and touching... xx

 

Thank you citigirl13 for such a lovely, thoughtful reply. I do need reminding that I have done this once and can do it again. I need to hold those thoughts and it's quite easy to do that during the day, I'm relieved to say - no so easy at night atm but I have hope. I managed some sleep last night with the help of the radio and some masking sounds on my mobile phone. I'm taking your advice and stopping trawling the net for the latest news/treatments etc because it's not helping, and there's a lot of negative stuff which isn't do me any good and just seems to compound the problem.
I send you best wishes for your own journey with T, citigirl13.
Thanks again and thanks to everyone on here. I wish you all good luck and most of all, peace. xx

 

It's no problem - we're all in the same boat with this damn T. Yes, you have done it once and can do it again. I think during the day is always easier for people, especially if your T is masked when outside. I can still struggle at night - not to the extent where I can't sleep, but I listen to my T and think, "Jeez, that's LOUD". Sometimes I mask, but most of the time I just get my mind to move on to something else. When my T first started I found that almost impossible and really difficult; now it's easy.

Hope you are doing okay and thank you very much for your wishes.