Hello from Portugal...this is my story...

Hello from Portugal.
Sorry for my "not so good english" ,but i hope you understand.
My name is James and i am 50 years old.I suffer from T since 1998 and this is my story.
I work at a brewery for 32 years ,nowadays in central laboratory, but first it was on quality control laboratory.I moved from a small brewery to a big one (where i am now), in 1996 , and the noise also increased a lot.I was reckless sometimes not using earplugs , or any protection.
One fine day in 1998 i sat at the sofa and i noticed a small hiss on my left ear, and that was the begin of everything.i love music and i have a huge amount of CD´s ,DVD and BluRay.
At the beginning i had a hope it will pass by ,and by that time the information on the internet was very basic.I visited my work regular doctor who prescribe me some usual stuff like Vastarel.After a month with no results returned and she sent me to an ENT, a old doctor from navy (admiral), very peculiar because, believe me (it was 1998), he smoked in the presence of me.Well ,he was honest and like we say here in Portugal curto e grosso(straight and tough) ,and said to me:
-What you got has no cure.Go home and get use to it ,because you will have to live with it for the rest of you life.
When this began ,the noise was low, about level 2 in a scale of 1-10. Anyway T is never easy to adapt even if the sound is low and that was the case in 1998. I had some problems to forget it ,but with time like most of you i started get used to it.I started to know my disease ,i avoid to slept in the bus that bring us home ,because i´ve found that the noise increased a lot after i took a nap (what normally happens).I avoid sleeping in the sofa and in bad positions.I drop out headphones because i´ve found when i put headphones my hiss turned into a vibrato and remains for some time before it got back to normal hiss noise.
That was in 1998 , and after that the sound began to get higher.I know it´s common and like other people i started being worried about it.In the years to come(1999-2004) i had several crisis, like most of you know when we have to adjust to a new level of T.
I was gone to another ENT by the year of 2003 when my T passed to level 3 or 4. The solution was some mild pils to sleep ,which i never took ,because thanks GOD i have a easy sleep and with T this is a blessing.i had bad days like everyone , i work by shifts and in that days i was working from midnight to 8 in the morning and i had some problems to sleep during the day, because of some other problems i faced by then.By that days, sometimes i woke up and turned on the vacuum cleaner because i´ve found the noise of the vacuum cleaner helped me and masked the noise and low it down for some time.I also find thar the noise of water running in the tap masked the noise , when i was taking bath i couldn´t notice the T, and i had intolerance to football noise crowds in TV , and sometimes piano was uncomfortable, for me to listen in the stereo set.I discovered that my noise was higher when i opened my jaw to much, when i press my head or my temperal, etc...
I searched the internet and i found an article by a brazilian foundation who made a research, and they related that the noise normally stabilize by the 10 years of T, and i think that was my case.After 10 years the sound stayed between a 3 on regular and a 4 in the bad days.I used protecion all times and i could work normally because that muffled sound doesn´t bothered me too much.I had a regular life , listened to music, gone to the movies ,even to concerts without too much problems.
But life is a a b...and bad things happen.
My wife is from Brazil ,and in Xmas 2012 we traveled to visit her family.On 6 th january 2013 me and some children were filling balloons for a birthday party and when we fill a "sausage balloon" with a foot pump the damn stuff inflate to fast and popped very close to my bad ear(left).Some seconds after it explodes i knew that a big problem was coming, and that was the begining of new days of suffering.I noticed right away that my noise raised to new levels and that was the end of my good time of T and the end of a good holidays.In days that followed my T raised to level 6 or 7 and when i was back to work i had a level 8.I will no bother to say ,it came all back again.New visits to the ENT ,a new "one", who prescribe me some meds ,"just because", new audiograms and other exams they used to do etc, and because "wonders never cease", i had another problem.I was gone to the clinic to make the audiogram.The technician who made me the audiogram told me:-I will put some "pink" noise on your right ear(the good one).Well ,it was hell, she put a high "rain" noise for 4 or 5 seconds that almost drive me crazy.
What a rubbish thing to do.Put a high noise in the ear of a patient with T.I returned back home in a wreck.I layed down on bed and my head was like a big bunch of crickets with a lot of different noises.
That was the breaking point to me.I gave up all the f... ENTs who just keep pushing with the belly knowing that all of this is in vain.No more examination or audiograms or pills.
For some months it was hard to be me.This time (and almost 2 years had pasted) ,i´me having some problems because the noise is to high to mask...in the good days(who are rare)i have a level 7 noise ,in regular days i have a 8, and in bad days it´s almost unbearable.
My intolerance to noise is now very low because with the balloon accident i developed also H who could be worse than T in some days..I don´t go to movies anymore, i watch home, where i have the chance to adjust the level of sound, i listen to music just when i have some good days. In bad days even the traffic noise is a problem ,i have to avoid shopping centers,soccer live games, loud noises, like construction workers or high noise machines.
Here at work i have to stay in main laboratory.Almost stopped going to production areas.My colleges and bosses know my problem and try to make me avoid all the noise that can bother me.
At home ,my wife ,who never knew i had this problem until the balloon accident ,knows that when i am with high noise shouldn´t bother me to much, and she is an angel.I had to explain to her, even reading other experiences to make her understand.
Sometimes , i get depressed ,like anyone here ,and there are times i want to put a gun in my head and shoot, and other times i see blind people and people in wheelchairs and i think:-What that folk will give to be on my place, because if you are bad there´s always people with bigger problems.
I am aware that nobody knows what people with T suffer ,because it´s hard to walk in our boots without living what we live.
I will stop here.I have so much to say ,but this is getting longer and i think it´s time to stop.
Sorry again for my "not so good" english.Hope my experience will help others to go away with it, because i am a 16 years T Survivor ,and if you have patient enough(and you have to had) you will survive too.

 

And i forgot to say that after the last audiogram i did and resulting from that high "pink noise" i developed T on my right ear ,and my will was to go back to that clinic and kill the technician.
Also after that " balloon" acident my T is worst in the morning ,when i wake up.Usually it was better in the morning before the accident.