Hey All! Checking in Again

[Nich]

So it's been a little over 3 months now since onset of my T and I'm having a bit of a setback. A couple of weeks ago I was doing really well. I had gotten to where my T wasn't impacting me much and several hours a day I didn't hear it. I would forget about it and it would just fade away. After coming back from vacation with my family two weeks ago I had a couple of days that were great then I woke up that Wednesday and the sound was different. It had a lot of hiss and was a lower frequency than before (still high though). It started moving around from ear to ear and into my head more as well. It's not really louder; just different. But from then to now it has been with me most of the time. Also I had a strange day last Thursday with lots of fleeting T and volitility in my T. It caused some panic. I took my klonopin Thursday and Friday night which stabilized the T and calmed me down and then today I'm going back to learning the new sound.
It feels like a huge step back. I had gotten to where I didn't notice my T for hours and having those breaks made it so much better. Now it's back all the time. And while the anxiety is no where near as crushing as it was when this started it's still back and I'm having to deal with it.
I am hoping that since I was blessed to begin habituating so early that maybe I'll start habituating to this new sound too. I do get small windows where I'm focused on something else that I will stop noticing it and I've been keeping really busy to try to get more of those. This is also teaching me something that a lot of the wise T veterans have said in different ways here. And, it's that the only thing predictable about T is its unpredictability. And monitoring it's changes only makes you focus on it more.
Now I'm back at the stage where I'm really frustrated and annoyed at the T. Sometimes it just makes you want to scream from the frustration.Trying to move into acceptance again. And, I'm trying to figure out how to just not care about my T. I'm honestly just tired of giving a shit about it.

On a brighter note, life has been good otherwise. I am so glad I found this forum and got all the sage advice early on. I have kept on with life as normal. I haven't let T take anything from me. It's hard. And a lot of stuff isn't as enjoyable as before. But I'm just gonna keep on faking it till I make it. Let's hope there are more good days than bad to come!

 

[billie48]

Welcome back Nich. Sorry you are hurting by T again. Don't worry too much. Set backs are quite normal for newer T suferers. T is not just unpredictable, but it like to test your patience and tolerance of it as well. It can morph from one to another just to bug or scare you. That is the name of the game. When we fear it initially, we are just normal. Nobody likes this foreign and alien intruder into our life with unpredictable future. But the body does have its miracle of healing if we don't put up a painful (negative & emotional) resistance to it every time it morphs or changes in tone. It will take time for the body to absorb in a new sensation. We need to be patient to give it time. If you can get some alternative treatments like TRT or CBT, all the better. Positivity, time and a treatment which works for you will be a winning strategy for eventual recovery. If you need it, then masking or meds can help reduce the anxiety. Take care and hang in there.