Hi. I'm in a Bad Way. I Need Help.

Hi everyone, I'm Rob.
I've recently suffered Sensorineural Hearing Loss in my right ear, which was very upsetting but something I was slowly coming to terms with. Then, suddenly over the course of a day, tinnitus became absolutely unbearable in the damaged ear.
It's so so loud, I cannot even slightly cope. I've tried white noise, relaxing sounds, music, everything to do with distracting me from the sound but it is simply too overpowering. The fact that my ear is deaf is no doubt amplifying the problem.
I can't sleep, I've got no appetite, I'm unable to function as a human being. I've never ever contemplated suicide, I see it as a very selfish thing to do as it has such a profound effect on the people around you, but honestly... truly honestly, I cannot live like this. I need it to stop.
Everyone keeps saying 'it'll get better, you'll learn to manage it', but I just can't even come close to imagining this being something I can ever live with.
I just don't know what to do, please please help me.

 

Hi Rob welcome to forum first off you are not alone in this situation we have all been where you are now but I promise you it does get better.
I was in hell back last year but am still here trust me I understand.
you need to get your sleep and rest once you do that things will start to improve have you thought of taking a sleep aid/antidepressant to take the edge off and to help you get rest.I used mirtazapine.
dont worry they won't hurt you if you got any concerns then don't but I think they may help.there are also a few threads on retigabine which have helped a lot of people.
you also need to try and distract yourself easier said then done I know but try no matter what it is to take your mind of t.
Try to relax the more wound up you get the worse the t seems so try to chill and do some breathing exercises to help you relax.there is no magic formula with t you have you will eventually find your own method in managing it yourself it will happen but you need to be patient the likelihood is it will resolve itself.
I wish I had more answers for you Rob you will over come you just have to be to give it time we understand your plight if we can do it so can you.I'm sure others will give some advice.
You have our full support And you will get better
God bless
shaun.

 

Rob,

I too had thoughts of suicide when I first got T. Many here were in the same boat. Trouble is, could it be worse on the other side? Carefully consider that! God might not be so happy with your decision and it's a one way ticket. No return. If you're alive there's hope, if you're gone there's non.

I too have sensorineural hearing loss in my right ear, with high pitched ringing. I keep as busy as possible, take drives, walks in noisy and public places, beach with waves, noise machines in the house and when I sleep, etc.

I have used Xanax to sleep, but now use melatonin, 5htp and L-Theanine. Try to calm down and seek some professional help. Hang in, even though it's painful! Iv'e been there. We all have.

God bless!

Sailboardman

 

@Alphasignal5

It's okay wanting to die. I wouldn't mind to die myself, to be honest. However, you don't have to chose the path of selfish suicide in order to die. You just have to wait. Wait and wait. Eventually, death will come on its own terms.

Here is how I look at it: If I can get through one more day - just one more day, no mather how miserable - I can keep pulling through one more day at the time until there are no more days left. The same may apply for you.

Here's a surviving tool I make use of:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...deal-with-tinnitus-suffering.8165/#post-96760

 

No one is saying youre gonna live like this. Things will most likely get better. Either by tinnitus going down by a few notches (its usually unstable at onset) or by habituation. Youre in a early phase. Suicidal thought arent that uncommon. Just give it some time

 

Rob, I was in the same boat as you in December. My tinnitus was so loud, I didnt think I was going to survive. The only thing that helped me at the time was clonazepam. Read some of my posts from my experience with it and what I did. It literally saved my life at the time. Things get better from where you are at. At the time I couldnt cope either, but 3 months later still on the meds, tapering down and coming to terms with my hearing loss as well. It does get better, but you might need some help. When you get hit at first like this its hard, my tinnitus volume dropped 1000% since I first got it. You wont have to live with it at that level. Once you get your emotions under control, it will be a small annoyance, and most of the time you wont be able to hear it at all.

 

yes, no matter what, i love life,sometimes not everything is normal for everyone,life is short to begin with and life is a wonderful miracle but sometimes we have to deal with stuff,well in our case we have to deal with tinnitus,i have learned to be good to myself instead of beating myself up, as i said life is too short to begin with,i lost my best friend to cystic fibrosis when in our early twenties and even with that he wanted to live !

 

Welcome to the board, Rob. I agree with above posters. They give you excellent advice on how to cope. I agree with Sailboardman about suicide and its consequence. It is not the solution we think it is. Youtube has many, many videos of people with near death experience from attempted suicides and come back to tell people that they are lucky to be alive again as what awaits on the other side after suicide is not what they expect.

Why I know about that? Not that I have attempted the unthinkable but I checked out possible consequence of such act during my worst time. As Sail puts it, it is a one way street for a lot of folks who did it. But during the intense sufferings, like you and many others here, the big S word did become very tempting during the darkest time of my hellish experience with my ultra high pitch dog whistle T plus severe hyperacusis. On top of these two torturous new masters of m life, I was also floored by relentless anxiety (A) and panic attacks (P) on auto mode from the moment I wake up hearing the loud scream of T, as I have been a victim of anxiety and panic disorders for decades prior to T & H. With A&P disorders and the brain so panic prone, no amount of will power or things I learned from internet forum could stop the attacks. T & H literally opened the flood gate of hell of panic attacks. So you add the combined sufferings of T, H, A & P and you have a life quite unbearable. I remember asking, 'Gosh! How can I live with something which is so unlivable'. So I checked Youtube videos on people who have done the S thing and came back to life, and realized that it is not a solution at all. Then I know I need to learn the wisdom from others about how to live with T and overcome it. I just need to go through the initial 'hell' with this thing using some strategies and given it enough time.

Remember when T is new, it usually traumatizes its victims to the point that the normal parasympathetic nervous system is taken over by the limbic system which functions in 'fight or flight' mode, and things will appear a lot worse than they are. You will be easily scared and the brain will zoom in on any bad or threatening sensation and magnify its significance. You will be flooded with distorted thoughts at this stage, especially 'catastrophic thinking' about the future (like my future is doomed or there is no future), as well as 'all or nothing thinking' (like my life is not worth it with T ringing). Beware of these thinkings. They are cognitive distortions (a termed use in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which can create havoc in people mental suffering if not challenged. Our reaction to T can determine the degree of suffering or its intrusiveness. You can read this up from Dr. Nagler's writing 'Letter to A Tinnitus Sufferer' and hopefully you will learn to counter/challenge your distorted thought:
http://www.ata.org/nagler-letter-to-tinnitus-sufferer

So there are many things we can do to help ourselves. I learned enough from others and gradually my condition improves over time. Now, I don't give a dime about T high or low. T has lost its tyranny over me. The loud dog whistle is still there. I could hear it above the jet noise in the last two flights, and above the sound of the roaring rapids in the salmon river I fish. This scream used to turn me into a mess. No Longer!!! My body has hardened to the sound and it simply won't react to it. Most of the time, T just got faded out of consciousness, even loud T. How is that possible you may ask? Well remember those flights you took before T. When you were deep into watching the movies, did you hear all that loud and all encompassing jet noise around you? Same here with T. When the brain is trained enough to think T is not a threat, it can ignore it and fade it out when you are busy with things. So don't give up so fast on your body's ability to heal.

Try to read up the success stories and learn some insights from others. Apply them and see which one fits you best. I post my success story too as well as many other members. From darkness to light.... Life can be beautiful again. Now I live an absolutely enjoyable life despite T. T can go to hell while I enjoy my earthly heaven.

 

Rob, did you realize that they have been working on drugs for Tinnitus and to restore hearing. If the Autifony Phase II trial works we could have a pill in a few years for tinnitus to drop the volume even further. Novartis is seriously testing their hearing loss drug and has already operated on a person here in Denver. I think they are saying it could be 5 years before its available and will restore partial hearing. The hearing health foundation along with Stanford is claiming in 10 years they should have even better results. Its this type of stuff that keeps me going everyday.

 

Hi everyone, thank you so much for taking the time to reply and leave your messages of encouragement. It definitely means a lot to hear from people going through the same thing and knowing that you all cope in some way.
I actually managed to get a few hours sleep last night which is a start at least. Does anyone else notice that the T is worse when you lie on the side that the T is on?
The original debilitating noise in my damaged right ear is low frequency, but I'm starting to notice a high frequency ringing in my supposedly good ear now too. The T is only half of my battle at the moment, the other half is that I'm petrified of my good ear getting worse, as the doctors don't seem to know why this has happened. Now that the ringing has started in the good ear I'm convinced the same thing is going to happen as the bad one.
I've booked yet another appointment with the ENT doctor tomorrow so they will no doubt do another hearing test. I pray with all my heart that it doesn't show any more loss.
If I'm struggling with this situation imagine what I'd be like if I were deaf and suffering unbearable T!
I've always loved music more than anything in life and it's always been there to help me get through life, I can't imagine losing it.
Sorry, I know the fear is running rampant through me at the moment, I can't help it. I really appreciate all your support though.

Rob x

 

Hi Rob !
Any idea about the cause of your hearing loss ? Was it sudden ? How much hearing did you loose ?
In any case as you are in an early stage you should give it some time because there are great chances that things will evolve in a good way ! When did it happen exactly and what have you tried so far medically ?

 

Hi Drox,
The hearing loss unfortunately coincided with a cold I was suffering with at the time, about 4 weeks ago. The doctor saw some fluid in my ear and assumed it was a bacterial infection, put me on antibiotics. Two weeks later I finally get to see an ENT doc and she tells me it's SSHL and that the damage is most likely permanent. She put me on prednisolone during which time the symptoms actually got much worse, that was when the really bad T started.
The hearing in my right ear is a real mess, I've lost all my lower frequency hearing and the upper frequencies are horribly distorted.
What I hear out of my bad ear gives me headaches it's such a mess and the T just make it worse, hence me being at the end of my tether. It's just a complete nightmare.

 

Hi Rob, I just wanted to say that I started researching S techniques when I first got T. Now 6 months on it has gone from that to my not really being bothered. I think it has decreased, but even if I put in earplugs to give it its maximum effect, I find I'm not that bothered, it is just a weird sound. I wanted to say tho, I took valium for the first 3 months and I'm not sure I would have survived without it. Of course in the long term if you don't habituate naturally then you'll need to look at treatments, some of which might be psychological..... but doing that research and trying to get some sleep and calm yourself down in a super stressful situation - a short term prescription of valium or similar - will give you the stable point you need to begin to relax enough to work out what to do.

also in case this helps a friend of mine was talking about his T the other day, he said he's had it since he got hit in the ear as a kid and it is loud enough he could hear it in the club we were in, but only if he paid attention. He said it bothered him at first but now says he forgets it for weeks at a time - despite the fact that if he put his mind to it he could hear it with 85db music in the background. so, there must be something to habituation.

anyway, keep posting and I really hope things get better for you soon.

 

Hi Rob, I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time when I first got t 3 years ago I cried all the time thought my life was over but it does get better! One piece of advise try not to think of the "what if" because you will worry yourself sick t feeds on anxiety. I still struggle with that on some days but I try to take it one day at a time. Hope you can find inner peace soon!

 

Rob,

I too, was initially put on prednisone by my ENT doc and it made my T disappear? But once off it, it came back. I also had an intratympanic injection done, with a cortiosteroid but at 50 days past my SSHL, it proved worthless.

I do wear a hearing aid/masker, which allows me to hear much better. It has 4 programmable, channels. One with white noise, another with pink noise, one for noisy places like bars etc., and one for music/TV. it's made by Beltone but pretty expensive, $3,900.

I have also have T drift into my good ear but it always dissapears within a few minutes. Happens a few times a week but only sometimes. I wouldn't freak out just yet. Wait and see how things develop. You might get lucky and things will settle down. Protect Your ears for now and no loud sounds, especially music!

God bless,

Sailboardman

 

I think you had the right treatment and as it is only 4 weeks ago you still might want to try everything to regain some hearing and reduce the tinnitus ! Have you completed the course of steroids ? Or perhaps is there a hyperbaric oxygenotherapy centre close to you ?
Again don't loose hope as you are really in the early stage and should tackle it with proactivity and positive thoughts (I know it's hard) to put all the chances of improvement on your side !
IT WILL GET BETTER !

 

Rob, the ringing comes from our heads and not our ears. It just seems like it does. Don't let the fact that you hear ringing in your right ear make you assume anything. Right now your body is in a state of shock and anxiety and you will get ringing all over the place. The more you worry the louder it gets in both ears. I'm agreed you need to give this time to sort itself out.

 

Your fear for turning deaf is understandable, Rob. Who wants to deal with unbearable, unmaskable T? I hope it will never come to that. so don't fear so much about the future yet. Don't pay the emotional price as deafness is not and may never be a reality in your life. I have always said it is important to live the current moment positively. The future is not yet a reality and the past is history. The only moment which is important and which we can have some control is the NOW. the very moment in front of us. Let's live and enjoy NOW and turn each current moment a positive moment. The collective effect of living each moment positively will have a drastic impact on the quality of our life.

Heaven forbids deafness will ever be a reality in any one's life. However I did come across 3 people who are deaf or partially deaf and they still manage to live quality life in the face of unmaskable T. I mention this only to show that some people do find way to cope and overcome deafness & unmaskable T. So don't over-worry too much about the future and fear deafness so much.

Here is the link to the incredible story of a young lady Zoe Cartwright (who is deaf from 15 years old and has unmaskable, loud T) which I posted on the Positivity Thread.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-positivity-thread.3142/page-15#post-63303

One would think she must be miserable with that loud unmaskable T for life. But somehow she says she loves and enjoys her life. She has that positive attitude that life is beautiful and T is only a slice of her life. Here is what she says about her life as she doesn't want people to think her film suggests life is not livable with T:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-positivity-thread.3142/page-15#post-64101

 

Rob,

You might want to discuss with your ENT Doc, about a steroid drip, or Intratympanic injection? You are still early into this thing and it might work out for you? You only have a 14-21 day window on this!

Read up on the success percentages with these proceedures.

When I recieved a huge shot of prednisone a few weeks after my SSHL, I had a day and a half with zero T! However, since My problem was the amount of damage done, it didn't last. That's why, it may have been a viral wipeout, of my high frequency hair cells. I'm at 70db loss from 2K-8K. Right ear only. So my T is a screamer! But it sometimes goes away for an hour or so? That's why, I always have hope, that it will get better over time.


Let us know how you make out brother!

My prayers are with you!

Sailboardman

 

Hey there Rob, just try to keep positive. It is a struggle everyday but find what works for YOU/ try different coping skills/yoga/white noise/ A fan/ seek counseling/ this Forum/ keep yourself occupied/research on You-Tube ..etc... and medication for anxiety..Stay Well my Friend

 

I'm still really struggling to get any semblance of a normal life back. I'm mostly bed ridden because the only thing that distracts me from the noise is my bedside fan. When I go outside the damaged ear is so distorted that everything I hear is just painful and give me headaches.
I'm trying to be strong but it just seems impossible to do anything.
I think I could deal with this if it were just the T or just hearing loss, but both of those combined with the hearing distortion and headaches is unbearable.
It's so frustrating to not be able to do anything to make this better, I used to think modern medicine could help anyone but now I know how utterly naive that is.

 

Hi Rob. I got Tinnitus almost 2 years ago after diving. The doctor called it censorial hearing loss or some kind of pressure trauma in the inner ear. So we are in the same boat. The ringing was unbelievable loud from the start. It just turned itself on, like a lightswitch. When I was diving it just 'snapped' in my ear, suddenly I could not hear and I had a loud ringing.

The first weeks was pure hell. The ringing was raging, sounds was distorted, my ear was in physical pain. It was terrible. I had the same thoughts that you have now. That I would never get used to this. Then suddenly, I don't remember exactly the day, but one day I suddenly woke up and it was not that loud anymore.

The ringing still fluctuates at times. Some days are almost silent, some days are loud. But one thing is sure for both type of days. I don't care so much any more. It can be tiring, but it's not life-threatening stress. What was once a brutal demon is now merely a mosquito flying by.

 

Get a pillow speaker pronto! I had the same problem and it helps a lot. 6 months and getting better by the day.

 

@meeruf can you please participate in the Knock Test?

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/knock-test-droning-in-inner-ear.8462/

 

Hi @meeruf, good to see you back. Quick question: I remember you went away to a "tinnitus camp" last year that sounded interesting. Do you believe it helped you? Apologies if you already have posted on this.

And sorry, don't want to hijack this thread. Maybe I will PM you if it takes a long answer.

 

It was nice to stay at the tinnitus 'camp'. It was no tinnitus cure, but a very nice place to relax and reflect. However, I feel like this place was designed for older people that did not grow up with the internet and fast access on information age. All the stuff they told there I pretty much knew from either tinnitus talk or other sources.

It was nice to meet other people with tinnitus in real life tho. See that we can smile and lough too. It's not just only suffering. We also had a night outside in a bivouac, with a big campfire, getting waaaay to drunk.

The center was not only for tinnitus. But for people with prostheses, learning to walk again, late effects from cancer, etc. It was a good reminder that life is not perfect. It's easy to believe that today with the media, the social networks etc. People are only sharing the good stuff trying to act perfect.

 

I never contemplated suicide either. But I remember thinking, if I died so be it. That seems a long time ago, but it was only about 8 months or so. I've come a long way since then. As corny as it sounds, time really is the best healer when it comes to t.