I’m Winning! 6 Months with Tinnitus and What I’ve Learnt

22 August 2017, a day which changed my life forever. I loved every second of that festival but I will forever remember it for the T it induced. It was so so loud, looking back how I coped at all amazes me. Over the first week or so the volume decreased slightly but it consumed my entire thought process. I spent 90% of my days fixated on one phantom sound. To think now that percentage is probably nearer to 5 now is incredible.

Over the next month it decreased considerably and then flatlined. I initially struggled with the prospect of this sound being continuous and it not reducing any further troubling. Old me would hate the thought of using the term “bad place” but I’ll admit I was down and lacking motivation. I told people closest to me about it. Many struggled to understand my dismay and some found it funny. This further added to my ill mood.

Then a string of events and a comment made to me made me realise, I could either spend the rest of my life essentially sulking and moaning or get up off my backside and start to live life again. I started to see the positives in life. Simple things like the green of the trees or having a laugh with family. I signed up to do a half marathon (always hated running but it’s a challenge), I started to coach a kids football team which fills me with pride and joy seeing them have so much fun. I surrounded myself with positives and it rubbed off.

Old me hated it when people “send positive energy” or tell me to be positive etc, but I see it now, life is how you choose to see it. I think initially I struggled with thought of not getting my old life back but accepting change was the best thing I did. I’m generally a happier guy to be around now and T has taught a typically cold and emotionless man empathy. I am better for it so anyone new to T, embrace change. Turn this negative into a positive.

Another thing T has given me is a sense of pride in myself, I am proud to be me. I read somewhere that approx 200 people kill themselves each year due to T in my country. Everyday I can be proud to say I’m still here and I’m still fighting. This is probably the first major challenge life has thrown at me and I’m determined to not let it beat me. I will enjoy my life and I will win. I can be proud I’m beating T and regained control of my life.

Although I could not have done this by myself. I’d like to thank everyone on here for their support, I’ve even had the chance to start to get to know some of you and you are truly incredible human beings. I would say to anybody new and going through the panicking stage we all went through, listen to longer serving contributors and the people who want to spread hope and ambition. Ignore the scaremongers, they are easy to spot. Do this and you won’t go far wrong.

Also find someone you can talk to. Again old me wouldn’t dare share his problems with anyone but just discussing it makes it so much easier. I’m so happy I have my mother who totally understands. As a career musician she has it pretty bad. It wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t my mum but it’s just someone who understands.

Although in recent weeks my T has got slightly worse for any unknown reason, I’m calm and not bothered. I was lying in bed about a week ago for probably about 30 mins before I even thought about it. At that point it hit me, I don’t care any more, it’s there but doesn’t bother me and this is due to everything above.

I know I’ve got many tough years ahead going to university etc but I will get through them. If a 17 year old emotional recluse can come through this, so can anyone.

Many Thanks
Joe