I Feel So Stupid (Self-Blame)

Discussion in 'Support' started by lanaturner21, Jan 19, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. lanaturner21

      lanaturner21 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2012
      I'm still trying to be positive. But today I am very angry with myself. For 3 years almost my T didn't really bother me. I couldn't sleep without masking but that was about it. However for the last almost month my T has spiked or I have allowed myself to be anxious over it and am perceiving it to be louder.
      Well I was thinking about it today and I'm kicking myself. Since going to college a year and a half ago I went to one club (over a year ago), one semi formal (almost a year ago), and one party (several months ago for an hour), and probably two movies. All without protection. I don't listen to loud music or TV and am terrified of headphones but I exposed myself to loud noises and now I'm terrified I caused more damage and am just having a delayed reaction to all of those things (I haven't had any new exposure in probably 5 months to any above normal sounds).
      I was *sort of* living like I don't have T. Could those few exposures from so long ago have spiked my T but only just recently? I'm so scared and it's really hard not to hate myself looking back because I never should've gone to those places. I was just having so much fun and I was so happy and now maybe I could be paying for all of that. I had habituated so nicely and now all that progress is down the toilet either due to my anxiety or my stupidity several months ago and I'm so mad at myself for it.
      I'm feeling really down right now. I'm scared it'll keep getting worse. Please please don't say anything negative. I'm on the verge of a huge panic attack as it is and I just need help.
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. Bertman
      No Mood

      Bertman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      concert
      Hey there. My opinion is that you didn't do any further damage and 5 months seems like a very long time for a delayed reaction to cause an increase. So there is probably another explanation for your spike, possibly anxiety. I know its hard but try to stay calm, I know when I'm anxious about my T it seems louder. Just give it a some more time to settle down and I think you'll be surprised and you'll start feeling better.

      Best/
       
      • Like Like x 2
    3. Heather415
      Badass

      Heather415 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Don't ever doubt yourself for doing positive, relatively healthy things that made you happy. All we can do now is arm ourselves with the knowledge we've been given and move forward. I spent countless time hating myself for every time I may or may not have done the harm to my ears that caused the pain I'm in now, but I realize how much energy I wasted. We need all our strength to stay healthy and happy! Be strong! I understand, I really do. I notice mine gets worse when my hormones are all out of sorts, and on stressful days. Oh, and gawd forbid I get BOTH on the same day! Thats when my T really wails! Your not alone, Stay strong!
       
    4. Bobby B
      Fine

      Bobby B Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      long term NIHL and recent acoustic trauma
      Don't worry your young - your ears will heal fine and you will be okay since you don't have decades of ear abuse behind you like I have

      I was going to loud clubs since I was 15 and kept doing it until 45 plus I did shooting machine guns in the army and listening to Walkmans - yes cassette tape Walkman since 1982 at rather loud volume and switched to CD , minidisc then iPhone with Earphones and earbuds up to last year- and more loud music at home on my huge speakers and more clubs and more recreational shooting and then finally I got T and some hearing loss but my ears are getting better since I decided to protecting them better

      Ears do heal

      Just make sure you wear plugs for a few months and you will be fine


      My favorite are the macks soft ear plugs in flesh color - put them deep inside and carry a pair of tweezers to take them out
       
      • Like Like x 1
    5. Jahhsoul
      Curious

      Jahhsoul Member

      Location:
      Spain
      Tinnitus Since:
      9/24/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unkown (not acute acoustic trauma).
      Pay for be happy? Never. It seems like the anxiety spiked your T, not the noise. You should go out again, then go home, check your T is exactly the same, and then be happy again to know you can continue doing things you like. Just wear earplugs if you go to disco/concerts/festivals. I think most of clubs with 80-90db earplugs are not 100% needed.

      Buy some N-Acetyl-cysteine and some Acetyl-L-Carnitine and take them 2 or 3 days before the noise exposure and you should be OK. You cant be afraid at all to go cinema....

      Try think the cure is each day closer, thats what I do in my worst T days. It is true anyway =)

      Edit: if you are too afraid of noise induced spikes and you cant avoid the fear, just wait a year or so. AM-101 will be released, and you wont have to worry about spikes. D-met will be available soon too. Same for SF0034 (which reduce more than 50% the chances of a chronic T after noise-exposure).
       
    6. Lmsdocjeff

      Lmsdocjeff Member

      I imagine you are a bit surprised at all the supportive comments. I add my voice to theirs. The knowledge we have all gained concerning our T is what allows us to live fairly normal lives, we do things smarter now that's all. Celebrate the normality in your life. Be knowledgeable, smart and live!
       
    7. lanaturner21

      lanaturner21 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2012
      Thank you for this! Sorry it took a while to respond, I just started school again. I am genuinely hoping it is my anxiety and not an increase, but either way I need to start the road back to habituation. I've never heard of D-Met before! Also, does AM 101 just take away spikes or will it reduce T as well? I really appreciate your response and for offering light at the end of the tunnel!

      Thank you for this! I've actually had T for 4 years almost so I'm not sure how much healing I will be able to do :( Have you had T for a long and when you started protecting more it went down? I have a hard time letting go of the fear that it'll get worse.

      I really hope I did not! Anxiety is so hard to get over, it makes me want to focus on T all the time now that I've un-habituated. I really appreciate your opinion, it gives me hope that the T spike is really just a mental thing and it hasn't gotten louder at all. Is it really true that anxiety makes T appear louder even though it hasn't actually changed?

      Thank you so much for that! I really appreciate the positivity. I needed it very badly. Unfortunately I live my life as a huge bundle of stress and anxiety so I definitely understand. Sigh :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    8. liquefact
      Balanced

      liquefact Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Seattle, WA
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/25/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Indoor Rock Concert
      AM101 is only effective during the acute stage of the inner ear damage. You had some sort of damage causing your T in 2012. Now there is a chance that may have caused some additional damage. If this is the case, then AM101 might be effective again for this new damage.

      Even though AM101 is for acute sufferers, if it's effectiveness is proven, it means that we'll have a guarantee of some degree that our T will not be worse. At least the worsening shall be reversible if acted quickly. So, protect your ears at all costs until then.
       
    9. Jahhsoul
      Curious

      Jahhsoul Member

      Location:
      Spain
      Tinnitus Since:
      9/24/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unkown (not acute acoustic trauma).
      AM-101 reduce permanently (or at least for more than 3 months, so you can get the drug several times in your life) an acoustic-trauma induced Tinnitus. It will be marketed in 2017. D-methionine its in phase III study and it will be available in 2018, his function is the same.

      You can also take N-Acetyl-cysteine and Acetyl-L-Carnitine to protect your cochlea from noise-induced Tinnitus & hearing loss.


      Go out, take some drink (or drugs), dance, meet people and enjoy, its the best cure for our minds.
       
      • Useful Useful x 1
    10. lanaturner21

      lanaturner21 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2012
      Thank you so much! One last question (I've done some reading but there's so much information): when you say marketed in 2017, do you mean commercially available for everyone (not just for people in trials)? And it will actually reduce my tinnitus? I hope I'm not bothering you, but if a drug that will reduce/make my T go away that'll be available in a year gives me so much excitement (the comment above yours says it's for acute T so that wouldn't be of much help for me since mine is chronic :( )

      I can't tell if I'm getting differing information about am101. So would am 101 not help me at all for my damage in 2012? I thought that am101 was supposed to help people who had it chronically :(
       
    11. AM-101 is currently in Phase III trials. It isn't known yet whether it will be approved. It is being tested for tinnitus up to 6 months. That said, if it is approved, doctors would be able to use it for patients who have had tinnitus for longer than 6 months. If we get there, I suspect there will be plenty of folks around here trying it.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    12. liquefact
      Balanced

      liquefact Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Seattle, WA
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/25/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud Indoor Rock Concert
      AM101 is only effective soon after the incident that caused the damage. So even if you participate to the trials now, it won't do anything for your T that has started in 2012. So you may call this a chronic T.

      But it MAY be effective for the new increase in your T and prevent it to be permanent. Which afterwards you'll be back with your old T.
       
    13. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      My guess is that the way you're thinking about your tinnitus, and the ways you're managing your life stress (or not managing, as the case may be) has a lot more to do with your tinnitus and stress than whatever you did 5 months ago.

      Severe, damaging acoustic trauma is something you become aware of right away, and the sort of cumulative, long-term hearing damage that can lead to hearing problems later in life isn't something that seems likely given how young you are and the way you describe your noise habits.

      I did all of the things you're describing, and more. I mostly wore earplugs at concerts, but I went to many loud house parties and the like with no problems for many years. The thing that fucked me up was an unbelievably loud event, and, believe me, I knew I'd made a big mistake 30 seconds after I left it -- not 5 months later.

      You're going to be fine.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    14. lanaturner21

      lanaturner21 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2012
      Thank you so much. I really hope you're right and your response makes me feel much better. I appreciate it :)
       

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