I Give Up. I Have a Disability. I Need to Change My Life. Completely.

I was stupid enough to go inside a nightclub yesterday. It was this newcomers party at my school I started. We spent evening in a nearby park, no music there, but then people moved in to a nightclub. So, as I knew I didn't want to spend hours in nightclub, I just went into nightclub for about 40 minutes just to say goodbye to my new classmates. I danced for about 5 minutes since I was bored sitting still.

Woke up today, hangover obviously, but my tinnitus level did increase a bit. So I have decided that I will not go to nightclubs ever again. Not even with earplugs.

But let those classmates do what they want. I will start a better life now. No nightclubs, no alcohol or partying in loud places.

I never enjoyed nightclubs even before I got tinnitus much so I don't miss them. But I kinda feel sad that I have to leave myself out for certain things.

But, I have a disability. I need to accept that. I am not the man anymore what I used to be. I've been trying to "fool" myself a that I am still the same man. I am not. I have a hearing disability and I need to live accordingly.

"Hi, I am strife and I have a hearing disability. Unfortunately I cannot join you because of my condition and I don't want to risk making it worse. You guys have a nice time."

Its been about 6 months now since I got this condition. I have not been into nightclubs in 3 years.

Now I will focus on my school, I am studying ICT engineering. I need to take care of myself, if I damage my hearing any further i will not be able to work the future.

This sure is my greatest battle. I am still unable to make my music, and I miss it a lot. I hope this increased tinnitus level settles down. I've been living very normal life for few months now but I let the feeling of false security fool me. I felt normal, but I wasn't. It was still too soon to spread my wings. I am not ready yet.

If my tinnitus and hyperacusis disappeared completely someday, I still wouldn't go to nightclubs. I will still use earplugs at movies. I will protect my hearing for the rest of my life.

 

I too avoid nightclubs now (I don't feel comfortable there anyway). But I think your spike is temporary. This happens to me too after the evenings that involve some alcohol

 

Having tinnitus certainly highlights the need to avoid loud noise (clubs, loud bars, loud concerts etc) and a lot of people who never get tinnitus still end up wrecking their hearing through ignorance of the dangers of noise.

 

Noise damage is cumulative, so it's a good idea to stay out of loud places like nightclubs. You never know how much your hearing can worsen suddenly.

 

Yes, I took very unnecessary risk yesterday. Of course I was under influence of alcohol, everyone was having fun so momentarily I forgot I had this condition. But it's no excuse. I need to be more careful in the future. But, I was smart enough to leave. Few guys were asking me so stay longer, but I am very glad I didn't.

I was under a feeling of false security. I have not even thought about my tinnitus in weeks. I've learned to live quite well with it and the volume has reduced a lot what it was 5 months ago. I don't want that nightmare back.

But nightclubs have always been too loud for my taste, even before I got tinnitus. It is way over 80db for sure as people have to shout to each others ears to hear anything.

 

I hope this is temporary. I once went to movies without earplugs and had increased T for few days and it reduced back. But I will risk it anymore. Its not worth it. I don't like nightclubs anyway. Way too loud. I like talking with people, not shouting.

 

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah.

 

@Strife_84 did you wear ear plugs?

 

No. I didn't have them with me...usually don't as I've been able to live pretty much normal life. I usually forget them at home because I am not used to wearing them.

 

You got the gist I've been preaching for months.

 

I can identify with you very well. I'm in my last year of college and have friends who like to go out on the weekends sometimes. I was free to go with them until I re-aggravated my T at a concert a few months ago and now I'm too anxious to be in any loud environments because I don't want to make it worse. I got some high fidelity earplugs but even with those I'm not sure if it's worth the risk. It really sucks because I was looking forward to having a fun last year, but now I'm feeling pretty debilitated.

To cope, I've been trying to tell myself not to let this condition rob me of my livelihood. Of course I should now avoid environments with loud noises, but I am trying my best to keep all other aspects of my life the same and enjoy them the same way I did before. I don't like to picture it as a disability, one because it just makes me sad, but also because I don't want to give T that much of a stranglehold on my life. I don't doubt others would disagree, but these are the things I try and tell myself to keep moving forward. Of course, this is all easier said than done, and I often find myself feeling defeated, but I am trying to remain confident that over time either the T will fade, or I will adjust and return to the life I was living before the T, minus the nightclubs of course lol.

Also, you're still kind of early on in your T from what I understand, so there is still hope for improvement. I've learned that it's a very gradual process. I wish you the best in your recovery. And from one engineer to another, good luck in school!

 

You gamble a lot, Strife. I'm glad you're coming to terms with it though.

 

Yes, unnecessary gambling. I thought I could just be inside the club for a moment. I really need to start carrying earplugs with me, just in case. I was a a shop few weeks ago, and the theft alarm went off as I was packing my bags. My hands were occupied so got some nice amount of loud sound into my ears. I was standing right next to the alarm. I was not stealing anything

 

I am feeling normal most of times these days, then I become bit careless with my ears. Just need to remember that even if I feel normal and have quiet days, I still need to remember to protect my ears and avoid loud places. I don't want to experience that hell ever again I had in the beginning...