I Give Up. I Have a Disability. I Need to Change My Life. Completely.

Discussion in 'Support' started by Strife_84, Aug 29, 2019.

    1. Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      I was stupid enough to go inside a nightclub yesterday. It was this newcomers party at my school I started. We spent evening in a nearby park, no music there, but then people moved in to a nightclub. So, as I knew I didn't want to spend hours in nightclub, I just went into nightclub for about 40 minutes just to say goodbye to my new classmates. I danced for about 5 minutes since I was bored sitting still.

      Woke up today, hangover obviously, but my tinnitus level did increase a bit. So I have decided that I will not go to nightclubs ever again. Not even with earplugs.

      But let those classmates do what they want. I will start a better life now. No nightclubs, no alcohol or partying in loud places.

      I never enjoyed nightclubs even before I got tinnitus much so I don't miss them. But I kinda feel sad that I have to leave myself out for certain things.

      But, I have a disability. I need to accept that. I am not the man anymore what I used to be. I've been trying to "fool" myself a that I am still the same man. I am not. I have a hearing disability and I need to live accordingly.

      "Hi, I am strife and I have a hearing disability. Unfortunately I cannot join you because of my condition and I don't want to risk making it worse. You guys have a nice time."

      Its been about 6 months now since I got this condition. I have not been into nightclubs in 3 years.

      Now I will focus on my school, I am studying ICT engineering. I need to take care of myself, if I damage my hearing any further i will not be able to work the future.

      This sure is my greatest battle. I am still unable to make my music, and I miss it a lot. I hope this increased tinnitus level settles down. I've been living very normal life for few months now but I let the feeling of false security fool me. I felt normal, but I wasn't. It was still too soon to spread my wings. I am not ready yet.

      If my tinnitus and hyperacusis disappeared completely someday, I still wouldn't go to nightclubs. I will still use earplugs at movies. I will protect my hearing for the rest of my life.
       
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    2. Julien87
      Happy

      Julien87 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      2006
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise exposure (concert)
      I too avoid nightclubs now (I don't feel comfortable there anyway). But I think your spike is temporary. This happens to me too after the evenings that involve some alcohol :D
       
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    3. boliston
      No Mood

      boliston Member

      Location:
      Taunton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      30th April 2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Having tinnitus certainly highlights the need to avoid loud noise (clubs, loud bars, loud concerts etc) and a lot of people who never get tinnitus still end up wrecking their hearing through ignorance of the dangers of noise.
       
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    4. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      Noise damage is cumulative, so it's a good idea to stay out of loud places like nightclubs. You never know how much your hearing can worsen suddenly.
       
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    5. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      Yes, I took very unnecessary risk yesterday. Of course I was under influence of alcohol, everyone was having fun so momentarily I forgot I had this condition. But it's no excuse. I need to be more careful in the future. But, I was smart enough to leave. Few guys were asking me so stay longer, but I am very glad I didn't.

      I was under a feeling of false security. I have not even thought about my tinnitus in weeks. I've learned to live quite well with it and the volume has reduced a lot what it was 5 months ago. I don't want that nightmare back.

      But nightclubs have always been too loud for my taste, even before I got tinnitus. It is way over 80db for sure as people have to shout to each others ears to hear anything.
       
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    6. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      I hope this is temporary. I once went to movies without earplugs and had increased T for few days and it reduced back. But I will risk it anymore. Its not worth it. I don't like nightclubs anyway. Way too loud. I like talking with people, not shouting.
       
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    7. JohnAdams
      In love

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Nasty Swamp
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah.
       
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    8. Lilah

      Lilah Member Benefactor

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, Lupus
    9. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      No. I didn't have them with me...usually don't as I've been able to live pretty much normal life. I usually forget them at home because I am not used to wearing them.
       
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    10. Contrast

      Contrast Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Retrovile
      Tinnitus Since:
      late 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      injury from noxious noise
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    11. CroakyBat
      Wishful

      CroakyBat Member

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013, re-aggravated 07/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I can identify with you very well. I'm in my last year of college and have friends who like to go out on the weekends sometimes. I was free to go with them until I re-aggravated my T at a concert a few months ago and now I'm too anxious to be in any loud environments because I don't want to make it worse. I got some high fidelity earplugs but even with those I'm not sure if it's worth the risk. It really sucks because I was looking forward to having a fun last year, but now I'm feeling pretty debilitated.

      To cope, I've been trying to tell myself not to let this condition rob me of my livelihood. Of course I should now avoid environments with loud noises, but I am trying my best to keep all other aspects of my life the same and enjoy them the same way I did before. I don't like to picture it as a disability, one because it just makes me sad, but also because I don't want to give T that much of a stranglehold on my life. I don't doubt others would disagree, but these are the things I try and tell myself to keep moving forward. Of course, this is all easier said than done, and I often find myself feeling defeated, but I am trying to remain confident that over time either the T will fade, or I will adjust and return to the life I was living before the T, minus the nightclubs of course lol.

      Also, you're still kind of early on in your T from what I understand, so there is still hope for improvement. I've learned that it's a very gradual process. I wish you the best in your recovery. And from one engineer to another, good luck in school!(y)
       
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    12. GSC
      Wishful

      GSC Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma.
      You gamble a lot, Strife. I'm glad you're coming to terms with it though.
       
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    13. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      Yes, unnecessary gambling. I thought I could just be inside the club for a moment. I really need to start carrying earplugs with me, just in case. I was a a shop few weeks ago, and the theft alarm went off as I was packing my bags. My hands were occupied so got some nice amount of loud sound into my ears. I was standing right next to the alarm. I was not stealing anything :)
       
    14. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      Strife_84
      Energetic

      Strife_84 Member

      Location:
      Finland
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Mixing music for long hours and too loud I guess.
      I am feeling normal most of times these days, then I become bit careless with my ears. Just need to remember that even if I feel normal and have quiet days, I still need to remember to protect my ears and avoid loud places. I don't want to experience that hell ever again I had in the beginning...
       

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