Is It Possible to Have a Healthy Marriage with Tinnitus?

Discussion in 'Support' started by Denny, Jun 2, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Denny

      Denny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2013
      Seems like the whole family has to adjust to the tinnitus if you are married? It seems unfair at times
      that loved ones have to be put thru many of the same suffering as the afflicted abnormal sleep,mood swings,
      ,masking,ear plugs etc... Is it really possible to have a fulfilling marriage with tinnitus for sufferers and spouses?? A good question for those who also plan to marry one day.
       
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    2. leelo
      Pacman

      leelo Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      5/2014
      Sigh i am scared i can' t keep my boyfriend now :( because i am soo bothered by my tinnitus. Imagine a marriage and family </3 my dreams are destroyed
       
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    3. Denny

      Denny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2013
      I am sorry, but this is not meant to discourage marriage. Just make sure
      your partner understands your condition and is compassionate. This is an
      extra burden on a relationship.
       
    4. washashore
      Fine

      washashore Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Massachusetts
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Of course you can. Best advice I've received since the big T started - do everything in life you would have done before T... With proper precautions of course (in my case, that means having some ear plugs with at all times in case friends want to go into a loud bar or something).
       
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    5. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013
      I have to say absolutely yes you can have a fulfilling marriage/dating life/family life with tinnitus, don't even entertain the thought that you cannot.

      If your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is really in it for the long haul, then they are going to love and support you though this change, even if it is difficult. People are not 100% happy and healthy throughout their entire lives. If it's not tinnitus, it's depression, cancer, alcohol and/or drug abuse, infertility, job loss, veteran fathers and/or mothers coming home from war completely changed etc. - all of these things affect an entire family. What they have in common with tinnitus is that you don't have to suffer from them forever. They may mean permanent changes, but those who love you stick around, adjust and eventually life continues onward. I think it's a terrible misconception that one has to be "perfect" to be a good partner. It doesn't exist, everyone has some kind of issue. You are not damaged goods because you have tinnitus.

      If you're having a particularly difficult time at the onset of your tinnitus, yes, it may be difficult to date, but you will get past that stage and it will just be another part of you. Partners have happily slept next to me while my little cricket noise machine was going through the night. Which, by the way is way less annoying than putting up with snoring which (mostly) women put up with every night ;)
       
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    6. Denny

      Denny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2013
      You are lucky when my tinnitus first started me and my wife had a bad fight and it spiked my tinnitus
      and then i told her her screaming was hurting my ears and now i get threats that she will blast my ears
      if i say something she does not like. This may sound funny but this is a very serious threat for me.
       
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    7. Golly
      Bookworm

      Golly Member Benefactor Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      New York City
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2011
      Of course, family life can be stressful. However, I firmly believe that having a wife and kids gives me something extra to live for; and without them my life with tinnitus would be more difficult.

      -Golly
       
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    8. seal

      seal Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2007
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      Of course it is possible to have a healthy marriage with Tinnitus, marriage means to try to make it through the good and the bad times. Keep in mind that there are enough unhappy marriages without Tinnitus but there are also happy marriages although husband or wife is in a wheelchair or has cancer etc. Why would it be any different with Tinnitus? But you will have to work for it to be healthy and happy, which applies to almost everything in life.
      Just talk to your wife in a quite moment and explain to her what her "threat" makes you feel like..
       
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    9. Grace
      No Mood

      Grace Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      11/14/2013
      Love is love.. No matter having Tinnitus or not. All marriages have there ups and downs.. Like some said if its not T, then its paying bills or being jealous or even getting cancer or coming back from war..car accidents.. Deaths in the family. Life is never perfect and T is apart of life just like the rest and you can love through all these things including T. You have to sit down with your partner and express your concerns for example like no shouting or screaming, and if they do try and not get discouraged about it resulting in fighting. When your brain is on fight mode then everything will seem like an issue, but the sooner we all accept and learn to ignore it, the more we can have just an enjoyable lovelife like anyone else. If that person loves you for you then its real, if they have a problem with it then find someone else :)
       
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    10. cowdodge
      Grumpy

      cowdodge Member

      Location:
      Seattle, Washington
      Tinnitus Since:
      1995
      Yep I agree whole heartedly! My wife is very understanding and her Christian belief is what makes her a rock solid partner of 45 years.
       
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    11. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Tell her if she blasts your ears, that your fight or flight mechanism will be activated and there are no guarantees it'll be the
      the latter option.

      How about starting a new "T&H Singles" forum on Tinnitus Network - think of the possibilities!
       
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    12. Cher69
      Fine

      Cher69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      York, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      20/5/2013
      If someone loves you they love all of you the good bits, the annoying habbits (not that I have any of them ;)) the whole of you including any conditions you have have that are visable or not to the outside world.

      My Hubby has epilepsy and when I met him I was aware after a few weeks he took some sort of tablets, I didnt ask - early stages then we became very serious and I said 'what are the tablets for' I was scared to be truthful what he was about to tell me - he was worried about my reactions and told me about epilepsy - and guess what - it didnt matter to me one bit. We have been married 25 years.

      He has been my rock through this last year and when challenges come along by coping and learning to support each other it makes you stronger.

      Yes you can find a happy marraige with T with the right person and you will find her and she will be lucky to have you

      Cher x
       
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    13. kaitlyn
      Cloud9

      kaitlyn Member

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2/14
      love this thread so much! I was wandering the same thing the other day, and so happy it was addressed.. I'm still in high school and since high school boys are mostly immature I don't plan on finding a serious relationship now, but hopefully one day I'll find a relationship with a man that will accept my condition and be my rock.
       
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    14. Denny

      Denny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2013
      Dan this. Is brilliant.
       
    15. Marlene
      English

      Marlene Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Poole Dorset England
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 1996
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Bacterial virus
      Hi to all on this great site,I've just found by accident today,I've had Tinnitus plus anxiety for nearly 9 yrs.been happily married for going on 48 yrs,my husband has had this condition for over 30 yrs,so that's helped with his understanding to it.we get all kinds of ailments none of us are immune to life's troubles. There are tinnitus sounds on You Tube for your better half to listen to,helps them understand what one lives with daily living and dealing with this.I think Drs could do with a listen to. Now back to viewing the forum all interesting views on this good tips always taken on board by me.Good luck to all with this condition xx
       
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    16. Kathi
      Balanced

      Kathi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      NJ/USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/30/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      HFHL and stress
      My husband is my anchor...and I'm his. We've been together for 18 years, faced a lot of adversity together and we're still standing. He has let me cry on his shoulder and he's also helped me to take my life back.


      "For richer or poorer...in sickness and in health..."
       
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    17. demi
      No Mood

      demi Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2012
      Yes 100% yes. I developed T after a 8 months with my boyfriend. And he did everything he could to make sure I was always okay and comfortable. Now after a year and a half of having T and 5 months of having H (which is more evil), we are still together. We now live together, and he has changed his daily routine to make sure I am doing okay. Love is a strong thing, and marriage is through thick and thin. I plan to marry my boyfriend, and if down the road God forbid he has to experience some medical problems I will stand by his side and try to give him as much support as he has been giving me.
       
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    18. Jeff M.
      Cowabunga

      Jeff M. Member Benefactor

      Location:
      La Jolla, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct. 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Great Post!!(y) For me the answer is a resounding YES!!!! I have had severe high pitch/volume Subjective Idiopathic Tinnitus since Oct. 1 2012. The first year was GNARLY!!! :bawling::banghead::grumpy::eek: My wife and three boys saw their outgoing, positive, happy husband/father crumple into a sobbing mess!! It was so bad at one point that I even told my wife she and the boys would be better off without me, and I would totally understand if she left me.

      BUT... she didn't ('cause she is so awesome!), she and the boys loved on me and supported me, and helped me through the habituation process! (also a bunch of you TTers helped out too!!) Yeay!!:D And this past March we celebrated 21 years of wonderful marriage!! It isn't easy at times with T, but a solid, fulfilling marriage is totally possible with T when the two involved are sold out for each other! Our shared faith in God is a huge component in our success too!

      Best!

      Jeff

      :rockingbanana:
       
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    19. ampumpkin
      Amused

      ampumpkin Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Montreal
      Tinnitus Since:
      Onset: 12/2007 Increase: 04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2007: Meds(Antidepressant) 2014: Meds(Antibiotics)
      your stories are all very inspiring and brought tears to my eyes.
       
    20. Champ
      Woot

      Champ Member Benefactor Team Tech

      Location:
      Boston, MA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma from headphones
      I can't see why tinnitus should negatively affect a relationship at all.

      It's another thing in life that causes stress. Unlike most things, there are less guarantees it'll go away (like a broken bone, or something else). Most women I've been around have been sympathetic about it... but sort of forget I have it. I have to remind them when they're being loud (damn you women can talk a lot!)
       
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    21. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      I, too, have been touched by all the wonderful posts on this thread. Like many of the rest of you, my spouse could not be more kind and loving. I was there for him when both his parents died within a year (and he is an only child). He has been there for me through my tinnitus and anxiety. If anything, I would say our marriage is even stronger due to my T.

      By the way, and I have mentioned this before: My husband and I are part of a University of Miami study that is looking at how patients deal with their tinnitus versus how their partners/spouses perceive the patient is dealing with it. I believe the researcher presented initial findings at the recent Tinnitus Research Initiative conference. I am seeing her next month and hope to get a copy of her paper.

      Hug your partner/spouse tonight!
       
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    22. RichL
      Inspired

      RichL Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Palmerston North NZ
      Tinnitus Since:
      1990
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      A resounding yes! I meet my partner 2 years after I got T and nearly 25 years and three children later we are still each others rock!
       
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    23. Magpie
      Sporty

      Magpie Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/1999
      In time your partner won't even think of your tinnitus and you won't regard it as a major problem but an occasional annoyance so worrying if you can have a normal relationship is putting the cart before the horse. Be independent and don't rely on your partner or somebody else for strength. Sure it helps in the short term but eventually you have to do it on your own so the sooner you accept this the sooner you will heal yourself.
       
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    24. Jeff M.
      Cowabunga

      Jeff M. Member Benefactor

      Location:
      La Jolla, CA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Oct. 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic
      Luv ya LadiDi! You have always been a rock and inspiration to me! I so appreciate you and joys me to hear your story of victory and love!!! Keep us posted on research results!!
       
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    25. Denny

      Denny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Jan 2013
      My wife is a very supportive ,loving and caring person;don't want to give a
      wrong impression. But the strain from my tinnitus seems to have changed both
      of us?
       
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    26. Daniel Nichols
      Woot

      Daniel Nichols Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Jacksonville, FL
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/minor hearing loss/sinus
      I am very moved at how much my wife has been there for me. I try not to bother her as much as i did at the beginning.... but she keeps me from being withdrawn. I need her and love on her constantly. T has made me very affectionate... always was but found it again. T is reducing me to protome. Hes a pretty nice guy
       
    27. walkthroughwalls

      walkthroughwalls Member

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      possibly noise
      This thread has got me worried...



      Can I still be a happy single with tinnitus? :)
       
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    28. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      No.
       
    29. suera

      suera Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2010
      Good luck finding someone who understands. If it isn't happening to them, they don't care to hear about it. It's probably better if you get tinnitus before marriage anyway so when you meet the person of your dreams you can see how empathetic he/she is. It could be a small blessing of sorts to know how someone will treat you before you're married rather than finding out they really don't give a shit after marriage.
       
    30. Atlantis

      Atlantis Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2014
      Instead of thinking my colleague when I make love to my wife, I now think about my hellish tinnitus. Karma got me.
       
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