It Gets Better

Hello! I'm VegLife and I've had otosclerosis-induced tinnitus in my right ear for a little over two years now. I've been promising myself that I would make an account and make this post for ages. So, here it is for those who need it. I am a woman of silence. Always have been. I have always been known as the quiet girl. I don't speak much. I have always been the one to turn down the volume. As weird as it sounds, silence is a big part of my identity.
I can honestly say that the day my ear starting ringing was the worst day of my life. It felt as if my silence was gone. And then to find out that it would be like this for the rest of my life...it pushed me to my psychological breaking point. I couldn't think. I couldn't sleep. My mind was the one place I could escape to and it was being invaded. I was a shell. A noisy, chaotic shell. This lasted for months.
Notice how I said earlier that silence is my identity rather than was. That's because it still is. See, the brain is a beautiful machine with an incredibly deep investment in life and wellness, even when we ourselves aren't really feeling it. In the spirit of "if you can't beat em, join em," there came a day when my tinnitus simply didn't bother me. It was just there. Instead of allowing me to destroy that which I hold most dear, that is my mind, my brain decided to make friends with my feisty auditory neurons. This process is called habituation. I can still enjoy my silence. I've just had to redefine what silence means to me. Sure, I still have days where my T spikes and all I want to do is break things. But they are few and far between. There are even days in which I consider my T a companion of sorts. I don't know how to explain it.
Certainly, habituation is a unique process for everyone. It may come quickly, it may come slowly, it may not come at all. I've been lucky enough to only get tinnitus in one ear at a relatively manageable pitch so that's the experience I am speaking from. HOWEVER, to those of you struggling, especially those new to this funny little bodily feature, I just wanted to say IT GETS BETTER. You don't find many uplifting stories about tinnitus on these sites. Why? Because those of us who got better often forget about them when we no longer need them. Please remember that. Please hang in there. It gets better.

Also, feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I'd be glad to help

 

Hi @VegLife ... Thank you so much for this post... I just got T 4 weeks ago and the first two I even thought about taking my life... The only thing that stopped me was the Grace of God and my 2 babies who are 3 and 1. This is very uplifting... The past week I have been doing better and T seems to have lowered it's pitch and it bothers me less and less during the day when I'm busy... When it bothers me the most is at night, but I found a bird sound that mask it so well I don't hear it while sleeping... Habituation? Don't know it seems too soon.. T getting better? Perhaps.. Or my attitude towards T being more positive? Absolutely!!!! I still hope for God to set me free... But if it does not happen I still have a lot to live for!!!! We need to encourage each other and we all can feel better! God bless you!!!!

 

Thanks for the uplifting post, VegLife. I am one week into my T and this was much needed. Each day is a battle right now.

 

@Markku I think this should be moved to success stories!
Good post !

 

Ping @James P

 

@Sound Wave @VegLife Thanks, it's good to know others adapted and I can too one day. Your story hits close to home.

 

I'm one week in, too, and I am hoping the worst is over, in terms of my panic and misery. This is inspiring.

 

@VegLife Thank you for this inspiring post. I'm trying now to only read success stories and I truly hope to one day get where you are. Did the volume of your tinnitus change over time or was it just your reaction that improved?