Just Had to Get This Off My Chest

@Starthrower, yes of course it’s not a joke. But sometimes I have to laugh because my eyes are drying out like wrinkled little raisins from crying. I miss laughing. I used to do it all the time. I’m cranky now. It’s not pleasant; especially to myself. I can fool some of the people most of the time, but can’t fool myself anytime. This crappy condition is taking me away in tiny little bits. I find something that seems to work; then it rears it’s ugly little creepy head again and guess what? I was wrong again. I’m so sick of being wrong.
I’m glad about your friend. It sucks to see a loved on in pain and be helpless. I’m tired of being helpless. We do all we can to help, because we can’t help ourselves. Sometimes silly things work. That’s nice.

 

I do try to keep upbeat. I succeed sometimes. When I visit this site, it’s because the T is screaming like a banchee & I'm usually at my lowest point both physically & emotionally. If I’m coming off as being a whiner or a wacky person; trust me, I’m not. Like all of us, we need to be tough as nails in order to just survive the daily grind. I have a great career that I love but frankly with this condition, it’s beginning to take its toll on me. Im thinking of taking early retirement. Move to a warm climate, do yoga & meditate more. Peace.

 

@Quiet please Aqua exercise may have exposed a hidden nerve problem in your neck from your auto accident years before. A MRI isn't always helpful for hidden neck problems. Over all the possible testing for this, a myelogram or nerve conduction study may show your problem.

 

I have nothing to offer but sympathy... and outrage at our crazy American health care system that jacks up medical prices to the point of insanity. Including the price of hearing aids-- a well known rip off. It is important to get good ones but there is tons of profit built into that price.

Unfortunately even snipping the auditory nerve won't cure tinnitus. My aunt went deaf but was able to still hear tinnitus at times. Tinnitus is probably being generated in a central part of the brain. It's similar to phantom limb pain-- the limb isn't there, but the brain generates sensation. It might be that the brain is generating a noise to fill in the spot of the missing frequency, though I don't know why it happens in people without hearing loss.

It sounds like you are doing a lot to try to distract yourself and that's good.

 

I understand very well Quiet. The memories and experiences in my mind and soul just cannot be spoken about with other people. So it stays with me and once in a while posted here. I am not fooling myself but trying to make those around me feel happy and in a slight sense it takes away some of my misery.

Last night we had people over and they were LOUD talkers. What do you do? Our house is all windows and hardwood floors so as the noise kept getting higher my head was exploding. When I am in this situation I just leave. So I grabbed a friend and we went outside and sat on the deck.

It makes me feel very isolated sometimes. So still I cry. Kick a wall or two. Say a few good cuss words....

 

@Starthrower, Thank you for sharing that; it does help knowing we’re not alone.
I do try not to isolate, but it’s very hard for me to be around more than 2-4 people at a time anymore. I smile and pretend it’s all good & every once in a while it is. But to be perfectly honest, that’s rare and most of the time I wind up sick when it’s over. My job is such where I can work alone in my office with the door closed. This is a good and also a bad thing. When I have to come out for meetings and social situations, I find myself like a deer in the headlights. Every day I make a conscious effort to engage in at least a couple of conversations, but frankly they leave me exhausted. This is s terrible condition for me. I’m faking a good portion of my life now and I’m aware that it’s not healthy. I think I’m going to try talk therapy again. Hope to find someone who can really understand.

 

@setauketli, Thsnk you for your sympathies. It’s more precious coming from someone who knows what’s it like. I will continue to wear better hearing aids and will have any operation to cut the auditory nerve. How horrible for your Aunt to not only have to deal with complete deafness, but to be plagued by the sounds of T as well. So unfair & sad. Please give her my best, as I’m thinking of her and wish her peace.