Let yourself enjoy and give yourself time to recover!

Hi, this will be my first post to TT-forum. I've had tinnitus since 19.07.2013 after a great gig that I played without earplugs. After three days of continous and very disturbing tinnitus my hope went truly away. I had a plenty of panic attacks and it was hard to see the light in the life at the moment. I blamed my self becouse I didn't wear earplugs. At the moment I had also a terrible fullness feeling in my ears. After three weeks of being really depressed I took my self together. I began to handle and analyze my thoughts and feelings. What was making me these negative and scary feelings/thoughts? Why won't I see any positive things in the life at the moment? On every question that I gave to my self the answear was tinnitus and/or the fullness feeling in my ears.

I started to think about these two things. I began to understand that I had self made things much worse in my own head. I noticed that my refrigerator noice didn't bother me, but this noice in my head took over my whole happiness. I noticed that my refrigerator noice didn't have a meaning for me in my life. It was just a noice in my kitchen. Tinnitus instead had an big meaning in my life. I had self started it. It reminded me of times without tinnitus. Times when I was able to enjoy silence. Tinnitus and the fullness feeling where connected to many of my feelings. After I understood that my tinnitus and fullness was connected to many of my feelings I began to understand that I had to give my self time to handle and get over these feelings. Here are some good advices to think about:

1) Give time to tinnitus. I started to think that tinnitus is more of an feeling not a bother. A feeling that you get for example after you have lost someone near to you. In my case "the near" was silence. I had lost silence. I began to understand that I can't force my feelings of my tinnitus. I have to give my self time to get over these negative feelings and move on with my life.

2) Let your self to forgive. I was really angry to my self at the moment becouse my own act had started my tinnitus. But after awhile of blameing my self I began to understand that it won't lead anywhere. I had made my decision at the moment how I felt it was okey to do. At the moment I had enjoyed my life and done things the way I chose to do. I can't go back in time and tell me that it was a bad decision.

3) Only thing that is constant is change. Learn that You can not control your life. The ONLY thing that is constant in our lives is change. Everything else will change in some point of our lives. You just have to adjust to the situation and follow the "river of life".

4) Make up some positive thoughts of your tinnitus. For me tinnitus is now a reminder that my life is in a really good shape. Everytime I start to think of my tinnitus I start to realize that I have not so many things to worrie about. It could be much more worse and if it were much more worse I am 100% sure that I wouldn't put my energy on thinking of tinnitus. Also after having tinnitus I really began to understand that life is precious and I don't want to waste my time here. I started my thesis and got best grade of it. So having tinnitus is not a such bad thing if you let your self to enjoy your life.

5) Having tinnitus doesn't mean you are disable. Last, but not least. You are not disable when you have tinnitus. You can still go out and enjoy your life. You can be thankful that in the future you have more knowledge and life exprience of negative phases in life and hopefully you can handle them better in the future.

My situtation/condition now after four months: Tinnitus noice isn't anymore that loud. It has clearly reduced. I have had two times when I have clearly noticed that my T volume has reduced. I've had many spikes with my T volume, but always the T noise have "balanced". My fullness feeling went away in two parts. After 2,5 months it become better and in the beginning of November the fullness feeling was away. So to people coping with fullness feeling in the ears: Give your self time. It took almost four months for me to recover from the noise shock in my ears. In basic hearing tests my hearing is perfect, but they go only up to 8khz. I can clearly hear that I have less "treble" in my left ear than in my right ear.

I am still doing gigs with earplugs. I notice T every day when I go to sleep but I won't let it control my hapiness. There are always better and harder days but in the end positive thinking wins. Have a nice christmas time you all and let the music play, just not to loud!

Best regards,
Matti-Pekka, Finland, 23 years

 

I need to work on all of those points. Have had such an increase in T, why? I am spending so much money looking for help, nothing has worked. Have an apt with a PT, a specialist dentist seems to believe because it is somatic can be helped. hmmm . I also was told that acupuncture would help, still ringing. Also on the books to see about hearing aid or any other device that "may" help. Seeing a counselor to help with mindfulness therapy. Just in that never ending spiral to turn off the noise.

 

I also need to add that I hear T all the time, pulsating like a dentist drill. So hard to ignore.
It does make me feel handicapped because of panic and anxiety hard to find the joy in everything I used to do.

 

Because I am in a bad place right now, forgot to add that I am truly happy for you that you found a way to live with T.

 

Thanks Leah! I want to tell you that talking out loud or writing down your thoughts might help you. It might take hundred or ten thousand time you need to say/write down your feelings but in the end you will get a big reward. In the end this only a minor thing in your life. I think you have realize that T comes such a big thing as you make out of it. For example: You can make a big problem almost out of anything. Your favorite shirt without button might become a big problem if you let it annoy you. In the end you self choose what is disturbing you what is not disturbing you. Leah I wish all the best for you and your struggle with T. In the bad times it might be really challenging to se the light, but remember that it is always better to walk together in the dark rather than walk in sunshine alone. So remember to discuss out your feelings!

 

An excellent post, Matti. You have learned a lot from your tinnitus in four months. Thanks for sharing. I am definitely better, after six months, but still struggle and feel down during the "bad days." I must remember that difficult days are part of life, whether one lives with tinnitus or not, and that good days will follow if we keep our heads up.

 

Wonderful advice

 

Thanks Matti-Pekka, I really liked you shared those thoughts of yours with as. I have been dealing with those same issues in the past months. I guess I also need to accept that I need to give it time to get better. Sometimes you would just wish the improvement would happen over night! And I'm not sure if I have forgiven myself yet having gone to that concert, but I'm trying to.

 

Great advice Matti-Pekka! I agree that you need to accept that it will take time to get better. The t needs the time. Its a bit on the wierd side, but when I was in the early stages of nightmare level ,roaring tinnitus 24/ 7, a few months ago I had a dream where a message came through very clearly - it sounds a bit melodramatic but it went like this : "When you go into battle, don't think of who you will destroy, but who you will save." That was a real turn around for me. I thought about my wife, my kids and my own previously pretty positive life. I decided that I'd focus on ensuring the tinnitus I was experienceing didn't cause my family anfd friends grief. It is my struggle, and not theirs. ( how could they understand anyway...and I don't want anyone to search for or imagine their own t into being. ) I decided I'd not confront the tinnitus head on or label it "the enemy", but try to accept it , and hopefully allow it to bore itself to death, not me. I stopped talking about it to people, and decreased my t web searching. Well, as the times gone ( 4 months) I have more better days than spikey ones, and do find myself just getting on with life, not noticing the tinnitus for reasonable spells, especuially when I'm doing other things. Seems to me that the more you feed it with noticing it and with anxious, negative thoughts, the more it pesters you for more of the same. The t is greedy for it. I don't even give it a capital 't'.

I really feel for the people who are new to tinnitus. It can be a rotten, scary time. But it does get better. People here understand.

Roger

 

Tremendous post buddy!

 

Great post! When tinnitus reduces one tends to be a lot more positive

 

Thanks a lot for all the kind comments!

There are still some thoughts that I want to share with you. First of all I think tinnitus has a lot to do with your life situation. Quite "many people" around us have tinnitus but only a small percent feel it annoying all the time. I think that people who feel tinnitus annoying haven't gone true all the thoughts and feelings that T has come with. You can't put them on the side. You just have to process true them. By doing that you let your self to relief from the mental illness that thoughts of tinnitus causes to you. When I'm having a bad phase with my T I suddenly realize that I have came up with some new negative thoughts about my tinnitus and they are annoying me. Then I just start process true them and it will get better by time.

Second don't be to harsh on yourself with your tinnitus. You can't control all noises around you so I beg you to not stress out to much. Be realistic. There will be times in your life when you are exposed to hard noises. You just can't avoid them all the time 24/7. That's only life. In the future you can/should protect your ears from loud noises but remember that it is not always up to you. So the lesson is: Don't worry/stress so much when you get exposed to loud noises. Leave the place where it is too loud (if you don't have your earplugs with you) and move on with your life. It might be that T noise is for some time louder than before but often it reduces/balances back to "normal".

Tinnitus becomes so heavy bag to carry as you self make it. Don't fill your bag with useless stuff. Take out the useless stuff and start your journey with useful stuff.

For LadyDi: Now you are thinking clearly. Everyone has got their good and bad days. No matter do you have tinnitus, you sit in a wheelchair or just have nothing to do. Everything bothers in some point of life. Only your own attitude can heal your self. By this I don't mean you have to and hug trees but do something that makes you feel good

and for Riikka: There is nothing to worry with. That concert you went gave just a new feeling/thought to your tinnitus noise and because of that it bothers you at the time more than usually. I am 100% sure that time will fix your feelings. Tinnitus is more a mental problem than a physical problem. You just have to give your self time you can't force your mind to be healed again

Have a nice day you all and focus on the good stuff. If it rings loud today I still have one advice to you: Let it ring

Best regards,
Matti-Pekka

 

I absolutely love you for this! Like you I've been over the initial shock Yeah i here the T, Yeah its there but the heck with it! I gotta live life <3 And what you said up there sure is making me stronger. Bless you!!!!

xoxo
Anne

 

This!!!! <3 Thank you for posting that

 

Thanks AnneG for your kind comments! I'm sure that life has a lot to offer for you in the future. Take care of yourself and remember to enjoy life. Keep on moving!

 

I'm just going to keep this bookmarked for every time I'm feeling down.

 

Thanks a lot Liesel! I wrote this because I would have been really happy if someone would have written this to me in the start. That's why I wanted to share this with everyone! Take care of yourself and remember to enjoy life!

Best Regards,
Matti-Pekka

 

I read your post every day, multiple times a day. I see no hope for me, but I find that after reading your post I think that maybe, just maybe, there is hope for me too. I'm terrified that this is gonna be forever. Its been 4 months with no improvement

 

Neenie, these are only my thoughts but I think that tinnitus creates a bigger mental damage than physical damage. Even if the physical damage wouldn't recover back to normal I am 100% sure that the mental illness will go away in time if you just let it to happen. It might take time but in some point of life I am sure that you will remember this time as a "negative phase" in your lifetime. You won't feel so depressed through your whole lifetime. This requires a lot of mental toughness but remember that time will fix it. You might have to speak out/write down your thoughts 10,000 times but in some point you are done with your negative thoughts/feelings and you will continue your life.

Try to enjoy your life at the moment. If you find hard then try to find out those feelings that are taking you down. I'm quite sure that they all are related to tinnitus. So I just want you to remember that when those thoughts are done you will move on with your life

Best wishes,
Matti-Pekka

 

Hi Matti. i´m only 4.5 weeks in, and in that short period t has gone from very, very loud ringing to lower hissing tone with a distant rumble along with it, obviously i have not habituated as it is far too soon, but it has decreased compared to the first three weeks or so. I´m still of the mind set that my life is over, my heart is heavy and even writing this i can barely see the key board as tears are streaming down my face, i want the old me back but i know i can´t be her ever again, so i hope what you said about life continuing will happen for me too!! your post has given me hope, thank you.

 

Carol I feel the same way too I often think I'd give anything to have my old self back and its very tough to accept this new life with T. I keep telling myself to be strong for my family at first I put a huge strian on them with my T and its not fair to them. It's been 4 months for me and I would like to take a step foward into somehow start my recovery ...God Bless you and stay strong

 

Thank you Carlos for your response, it is so hard and like you say it´s our loved ones who suffer too, and that´s not fair it´s our fight and not theirs!!! you say you´re four months in, have you started to cope with it, or are you still finding it impossible to accept?

 

Hi Carol I feel like I'm having more good days then bad. I believe my T is at the same level but my mind and body is just getting more use to it and it gives me the perception that the T is lower does that make any sense? Its much worse if we fight the T or not accept it ...I have spent many a night being an emotional wreck and I've always thought I was a strong person. Its a tough thing to go through but please don't fight it and get your rest.