Long-Time Tinnitus Ramping Up Since the End of March. I Don't Want to Do This Anymore.

Hi all. I'm so very desperate here. Please help me.

I've had tinnitus for 5+ years now - but since it was really low and I could only hear it around bedtime, I completely ignored it. It's ramped up a bit after an infection last August but it was still easy to ignore. However, after a stressful period in March combined with a nasty head/tooth infection, it's getting louder and louder and it shows no signs of stopping. It seems to have petered out after a bit (no increase in volume/new noises for a few weeks) but after I started using antibiotic eye drops after my eye surgery this Tuesday, new tones have appeared and the ones I already had became even more obvious (and no, this is not just due to nerves, I can literally hear them over sounds that used to cover them)...

I feel lost. I thought I was over the worst part - I had an ugly mental breakdown, nearly had to be hospitalised because I wanted to kill myself, even made an attempt, took some heavy sleep meds combined with Remeron and Xanax... I'm off all that (took the last regular dose of Remeron nearly two weeks ago) and am currently only using Avamys for my horrible ear fullness/congestion that doesn't seem to be going away... (+ Nootropil and Betaserc + tons of vitamins that the internet recommended...)

I don't know what to do. I had awful hyperacusis for about a month and a half after the infection which has mostly subsided - sudden loud noises like plates clattering are still unpleasant, but nowhere near the "NONONO MAKE IT STOP" levels of pain that started. The random audio distortions that came with hyperacusis have also softened a lot.

What *isn't* letting up is the tinnitus. It's just getting worse. I went from having one noise in each ear to multiple in both and new ones still pop up. I'm so scared. When will it stop? Tomorrow is my last day for my antibiotic eye drops (levofloxacin, didn't really have a choice in taking it unless I wanted my eye to get infected) so that will be out of my system soon. Did I mess up? I'm scared out of my mind. I would honestly be okay with it if the noises stopped increasing - I'm giving up hope on tinnitus going away but WHY won't it stop increasing oh my god. I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying to habituate so hard (even though I still struggle with jaw tension/feeling clogged, like I can't blow my nose so I still need to see a few more doctors) but it's near impossible. Every time I feel like I'm okay with it, something new pops up. What am I doing wrong? I just want to die. Why won't it STOP? How much louder can it get?! I haven't listened to headphone music since this started and I only use public transport with custom molded earplugs, why?!

(I've seen multiple ENTs and apparently I'm fine, no hearing loss or detectable infection - got a course of Augmentin for my infected tooth, which was then taken out. I'm at a loss. What is going on? Can this still be Remeron withdrawal? Am I spiking due to the antibiotic eye drops? Oh my god someone help , I don't want to live like this I'm only 32, how much worse can this thing get?!)

EDIT: I've checked all the tinnitus resources I could find, both on this forum and everywhere else. I'm apparently doing all I can...

 

Did you pull through?

 

Zenyatta posted quite a bit for a couple of months in 2017, then disappeared. Last post didn't look too promising. Here's hoping she is doing ok.

 

i wonder how many of us here actually end up doing it.

 

Me too, but probably best not to dwell too much on that question.

 

I'm starting to feel pretty at peace with the idea.

 

I take it you mean "at peace with not doing anything about the idea"?

 

No, with going through with it.

 

Only thing that keeps me going is these releases... if i stick it out for 2 or 3 hours, I get these releases where it goes down to a tolerable level and I get to sigh a bit.

 

Please get yourself some help. Good luck to you. I feel your pain but this is not an option.