Well, here I am as well. In August I joined the forum of Tinnitus Talk, after enduring this nightmare since February 23, 2025.
I know I am not the only one who makes mistakes in life, but I made one that left me where I am now. One night I went with my colleagues to a bar that had an outdoor stage with some bands. We were filming and recording a few songs from each performance so that we could put them into Virtual Reality and show them to patients in the hospital who are in pain, offering them some distraction.
In a way, I am a lazy person. I do not prepare much before going somewhere. That night I could not find my hearing protection before leaving, so I just went without it. I thought it would only be a short amount of time listening to the bands, so I felt the risk was limited.
Afterwards, when I got home and went to bed, it immediately started ringing very loudly. I think my body went straight into fight or flight mode, because it was literally the classic "beeep" sound. To be honest, that sound did diminish after a couple of hours. The next day it became a different sound, more like a static hiss.
The first weeks were terrible because it affected my sleep. I barely slept at all. It was incredibly hard to get used to, but eventually I was lucky enough to notice that I could sleep again. Still, not only did I develop tinnitus, but I also felt more sensitive to sound, especially higher frequency noises like keys shaking or emptying the dishwasher. I felt like I could physically feel my ear more.
I went to a hearing store to get tested and see if I had visible hearing loss. Lucky for me, but also unlucky in terms of finding a clear cause, my audiogram was normal for my age up to 8 kHz. Everything was in the 0 to 20 dB range, most at 10 or 0. I know this does not rule out damage above 8 kHz or hidden hearing loss, but at least it means my basic hearing is good. I can also understand people in crowded places, so I think that part is okay.
Afterwards I went to an ENT with the audiogram. He said it looked good and that I should not worry about it. I did not have the classic "disco dip," so he thought it might be more muscle related. He gave me a referral to someone who does jaw massages, though I am not sure how to translate that exactly into English. I have not gone yet, but maybe it could help.
From that moment on, it has been a rollercoaster of fluctuations in how I feel. Many times I felt like I could survive at this level and live my life. I thought it was calming down, but recently it has been getting worse again. Not necessarily the volume, but something I find just as annoying—the actual physical sensation in my ear. It feels tense, and I can swallow and click it every time. It is mostly on the right side. I would not call it painful, but it is an unpleasant sensation, like a tense pressure that almost borders on pain. I know English is not my main language, but I have seen some people describe this as "ear fullness." I am not completely sure if that is the same.
I am sure some of you might recognize parts of what I am going through and maybe know something that can help with this physical ear sensation. I really wish I had never gone to that event. It was not even bands I wanted to see. I only went to help my coworkers and maybe have a good time. Now I have to deal with the consequences. In seven years I went to just one loud venue, and I immediately regretted it.
On the mental side, I do have a relationship I am very happy about. We are planning to move in together next month, but because of all this, I feel I am becoming more selfish. I worry that I will let her down in life because of my limitations with hearing. I fear that I will drag her down this difficult road with me. I want her moving in to be something that brings her joy and comfort, not just something that benefits me.
It is very ironic how life works. For years I struggled socially and at work, but I had good health and could do anything. Now that my work and social life are finally going well, my health has become the obstacle. Ironically, I cannot seem to have both.
I know I am not the only one who makes mistakes in life, but I made one that left me where I am now. One night I went with my colleagues to a bar that had an outdoor stage with some bands. We were filming and recording a few songs from each performance so that we could put them into Virtual Reality and show them to patients in the hospital who are in pain, offering them some distraction.
In a way, I am a lazy person. I do not prepare much before going somewhere. That night I could not find my hearing protection before leaving, so I just went without it. I thought it would only be a short amount of time listening to the bands, so I felt the risk was limited.
Afterwards, when I got home and went to bed, it immediately started ringing very loudly. I think my body went straight into fight or flight mode, because it was literally the classic "beeep" sound. To be honest, that sound did diminish after a couple of hours. The next day it became a different sound, more like a static hiss.
The first weeks were terrible because it affected my sleep. I barely slept at all. It was incredibly hard to get used to, but eventually I was lucky enough to notice that I could sleep again. Still, not only did I develop tinnitus, but I also felt more sensitive to sound, especially higher frequency noises like keys shaking or emptying the dishwasher. I felt like I could physically feel my ear more.
I went to a hearing store to get tested and see if I had visible hearing loss. Lucky for me, but also unlucky in terms of finding a clear cause, my audiogram was normal for my age up to 8 kHz. Everything was in the 0 to 20 dB range, most at 10 or 0. I know this does not rule out damage above 8 kHz or hidden hearing loss, but at least it means my basic hearing is good. I can also understand people in crowded places, so I think that part is okay.
Afterwards I went to an ENT with the audiogram. He said it looked good and that I should not worry about it. I did not have the classic "disco dip," so he thought it might be more muscle related. He gave me a referral to someone who does jaw massages, though I am not sure how to translate that exactly into English. I have not gone yet, but maybe it could help.
From that moment on, it has been a rollercoaster of fluctuations in how I feel. Many times I felt like I could survive at this level and live my life. I thought it was calming down, but recently it has been getting worse again. Not necessarily the volume, but something I find just as annoying—the actual physical sensation in my ear. It feels tense, and I can swallow and click it every time. It is mostly on the right side. I would not call it painful, but it is an unpleasant sensation, like a tense pressure that almost borders on pain. I know English is not my main language, but I have seen some people describe this as "ear fullness." I am not completely sure if that is the same.
I am sure some of you might recognize parts of what I am going through and maybe know something that can help with this physical ear sensation. I really wish I had never gone to that event. It was not even bands I wanted to see. I only went to help my coworkers and maybe have a good time. Now I have to deal with the consequences. In seven years I went to just one loud venue, and I immediately regretted it.
On the mental side, I do have a relationship I am very happy about. We are planning to move in together next month, but because of all this, I feel I am becoming more selfish. I worry that I will let her down in life because of my limitations with hearing. I fear that I will drag her down this difficult road with me. I want her moving in to be something that brings her joy and comfort, not just something that benefits me.
It is very ironic how life works. For years I struggled socially and at work, but I had good health and could do anything. Now that my work and social life are finally going well, my health has become the obstacle. Ironically, I cannot seem to have both.