My Battle with Tinnitus Since 2011

Hi.

I am going through a rough patch right now.
Had a flu in early October that lasted 3 weeks with high fever and muscle pain.
The aftermath was an increased tinnitus that is driving me down very fast.

The increase in sound did not come at once (but I am not 100% sure since I could not really feel when I was filled with fever and muscle pain all over my body)

The doctors said I have some fluid behind my eardrums and told me to do pressure equalizing several times a day.
Doing them the best I can but I have another problem that I am dizzy, which they also said could be because of the fluid and after a flu. It gets even worse then I am doing the pressure equalizing.

Since I have a story with depression It is a real struggle right now with a very increased tinnitus on my left side.
Before I could think of other things while i played a game, watched TV, listened to music but right now It's overpowering everything to much that it never let's me relax from it.

My Tinnitus started November 8th 2011, I remember the day clearly.
I was at home, suddenly some high pitched noise started, I did not know where it came from first, I tried searching around for it in my home and only later that day I found out It was in my head.
I freaked out, I knew nothing about tinnitus except for the ringing in the ears.
I tried to understand why, I did not have any exposure to loud sounds in the near proximity to when it just started to ring.

I went through the normal doctors office, I had some gunk in my ear they cleaned it out and I hoped it would stop then.
It did not.

They told me to give it time, in the meantime I cried every single day, I did not know how to handle the noise. I went insane.
It went as far as I one night sat with a kitchen knife, pointed towards my heart and wanting to end it. I could not handle it.

I called my mom that same night and she drove to me and we went to the emergency, I got put on antidepressant with sleeping pills and had a choice, either I stay in the phychiatric ward or my mom signs over responsibility for me. I picked the latter I did not want to spend any more time there.

After that begun a long struggle, It took me a year before I started to get somewhat used to it, I could still hear it every single day. But I could have days that I wanted to keep going without feeling like life is horrible.

What makes it even worse Is the fact that I suffer from depression periods since 2008, before I had my tinnitus. I did not take any AD until after tinnitus erupted however.
I tried many of them, and was afraid with the Tinnitus side effects among others.

Remeron worked well except for the 2 weeks I could not get out of bed, but the worst part of it I had an never ending hunger, and with me being overweight It did not work out.

I later on found prozac (fluoxetine) which does have tinnitus as sideeffect as all ssri, but I found it to be lighter on sideffects and noticed not much of them.
Was on that for a year, before I wanted to quit myself. And it worked fairly well. Been off them for 2 years now.

But now back to the present.
I am today very depressed in myself, I really don't like my life, I am unemployed, I have not many friends and I have a hard time identifying myself, what I live for.
And with this increased tinnitus now it makes it SO MUCH WORSE.

I am trying, every single day right now to not give up, to know that better times WILL come. It's just a matter of not giving up until then and keep fighting every day.

I gone through CBT, normal therapists plenty of times during my years. Last period I had from November 2014 - May 2015 helped. But it's over.
I am going back to a normal therapist that my doctor will send me to, but I prefer CBT. But I guess better then nothing right now to start with.

I am not sure why I am writing here, or reading this board because I know it makes it worse.
But right now I just wanted to read some stories about how things got better, I guess I am trying to find some people that struggled some periods but came out stronger and happy after it.

Sorry for the very long post, I am not sure if anyone will have the energy to read through it.
Best of Wishes to you all
Guest9201 (31 years of age)

 

Hi Guest9201 ... I did follow your piece all the way through, because that's the story which is important and precious to you.

I'm afraid I can't offer any medical advice, but I can offer you complete assurance that you are not on your own. Tinnitus Talk is an excellent forum and I'm so glad you found it ... just like I did several months ago when my T started.

You will always find people ready to listen and always willing to respond, because in one way or another we have all been through the emotions that you describe so clearly. We have felt down, terrified, anxious, sometimes overwhelmed ... as well as having a deep longing for things to change ... but you are not beaten, Guest9201 ... you are not beaten! ... and neither are you alone any longer.

You say that you are trying to find people who have struggled, but have come out of it stronger and happier for going through their T experience ... One thing that strikes me, when I read those words, is that you are looking in a very positive way towards the future ... and you, yourself could be that person who comes out of it stronger and happier by making the most of these experiences that you are going through now!

I hope that you don't mind that I wish to put you on my prayer list so as to remember you each day ... hoping and praying that all things will work out for the better for you.

Take lots of care, Guest9201, and stay in regular contact with TT

Paul

 

Hey Guest9201, I got my tints only a few months ago, but it was during a large depressive episode. I had taken 12 weeks off of work and left my home to go stay with parents. July 21st I switched meds to effexor, and that night my ear started the buzzing, never to go away. Sent me into a downward spiral, carried knives around my house while I cried for hours so I feel your pain. Know that you are not alone, and people understand what you are going through. It will get better, feel free to contact me when you are struggling!!

We can beat this

 

@Guest9201

We have to find the crutches that help us to go through this condition. In my case, music is still the driving catalyst that helps the most. Now I can not listen to the very quiet music that I used to, but it helps me to mask and still adds an element of beauty to my life. My journey through T has been very rocky, and really stole my life and any desire of it during the first year. I am still far from healing, but I have more good days than bad days now. Another simple trick is just to remain calm, no matter what. If the noise is unbearable, and that still happens from time to time, I will not think much about it, and in the worst case I will take Clonazepam as an aspirin, and go to sleep. The next day is always better after a brain noise storm!