My Psilocybin Journey — I Travelled to Amsterdam

Hello,

Before my depressing journey began with Pregabalin last December, I was well versed with psychoactive substances. I mostly had bad trips, but that was due to early on stupidity during my teenage years. I decided to dose 400ug for my first LSD trip when I was 16, and ended up in the emergency room due to a freakout. I thought I was going to die, thankfully I recovered almost fully from that and later ended up trying out MDMA which I would say cured me from most of my trauma.

I fell in love with MDMA and would do it a few more times, and opened up to LSD microdosing and ingesting other compounds like 5-Meo-Mipt, Ketamine, MDA, 2C-B, Methylone, Phenibut, Modafinil, Psilocybin, DXM, Hydrocodone, Vyvanse, Tramadol and more. As I grew older, my appreciation for drugs grew and I began to ingest more carefully these substances. Most I only tried a few times or even less. Probably the only one I did a lot of would be Cannabis, but that was a 3 month period before LSD and before I ever tried any other substances.

Now even after all those experiences, most were good, I was able to function quite well and even got into nootropics and biohacking. I was able to perform well for work and went to new areas with my career.

I did get a bit desperate though last December as I wanted to solve a lot of my problems (mainly financial) and I had a LOT of situational anxiety for a 20 year old. I had burned through $150,000 and fell into debt after investing rather aggressively, I knew the risks and was halfway through paying my debts... when I decided to go to a neurologist to address some of my recent "depersonalization" moments. I got scared of those and wanted to be in full functioning health. This most likely could be explained from the buildup of stress and what I should've done was address these first: eat better as my diet went to complete crap (I gained a lot of weight recently), my sleeping schedule was a mess, I exercised barely ever compared to a lot before, I should've spaced out some of my nootropic supplements more as I'm sure too much GABA-agonists helped produce anxiety long-term, I should've planned out my days better, meditated more, went to a psychotherapist, had a vitamin stack, etc.

Anyways, long story short. I went to a psychiatrist after it was recommended as an option by my neurologist. I went to a top reviewed one and paid top dollar to receive help. He told me it can all easily be resolved with a substance called Pregabalin. I looked it up and realized it was a gabapentinoid. I only knew that Phenibut was part of that class, and it was more powerful than Phenibut. I knew Phenibut had helped me a lot with anxiety before, and I was feeling good. It took 3 pharmacies to finally find a Lyrica substitute, but I eventually did.

I took 2 pills per day for 1 week and then increased to 4 as per my doctor's recommendations. Then my old life ended. After 1.5-2 weeks the tinnitus started, my vision began to worsen, my memory recall, my anxiety went up.. and the suicidal ideation began. I NEVER experienced this before. I began to read up on Pregabalin and realized that this was from the drug... here's an article that I WISH came out 6 months earlier: https://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/news/20190613/epilepsy-drug_linked_to_suicide-risk-in-young

There's a group of 9K members on FB called Lyrica survivors.. some are experiencing worse symptoms than I am. The crazy part is that I took a regular dose of Pregabalin for 1 month while others can take up to 3-4x my amount daily AND they've been taking it for more than 10 years. Millions have been on this prescription. Most feel fine or that the pros outweigh the cons while they're on this for years. Then hell lets loose when withdrawal occurs either inter-dose or when they try to taper or go cold-turkey. I tapered after reading that I ran the risk of seizures if I stopped immediately or too quickly. I did a quick taper from 4 to 3 to 2 to 1 pills in a matter of 2 weeks. The acute withdrawals were the worst period of my life. Nothing can compare. I just wanted to die and was scared for my life. I DIDN'T want to DIE, yet my brain was telling me this. It felt like I turned schizophrenic or something, but I was comforted knowing there's others like me. Also tired, afraid, confused... but at least we could connect the dots that it wasn't mental disease randomly occurring. It was the drug.

I then proceeded to take Phenibut to come off of Pregabalin and it helped a little bit. I also took Kratom for one day and it helped. I got off the Pregabalin and had such a hard time sleeping, even with the Phenibut (which always before helped me sleep like a baby for 10 hours straight) so I went to the doctor and requested Benzodiazepenes. Phenibut was a GABA-B agonist while Benzos are GABA-A agonists.

I got off Phenibut and was given Tranxene, a long-lasting benzo that I used for 4 and a half days only. I didn't want to be on this for long. I knew the havoc benzos can wreak on one's life. I wasn't ready for more chaos.

That was... the beginning of February. After 2-3 weeks I began to feel... slightly better. It's now been nearly 6 full months of off Pregabalin. I still am terrorized by Tinnitus but I don't care as much about the visual snow. I was extremely sensitive to light at first... now I've gotten used to it and don't mind as much. The suicidal ideation is still there. I still have weird intrusive thoughts sometimes. I DIDN'T HAVE THIS BEFORE. My mind is afraid of thoughts that can be homicidal, suicidal, gay (in terms of sexuality), rape, going insane, being locked up, anything pretty much to do with death and dark subjects. It's huge fears.. that slowly are going away. But not all.

So my life is currently day by day, trying to survive. Waiting for things to get better. My nuclear option for the deep depression I've been put into is Ketamine Infusions. I've done Ketamine recreationally before and am not afraid at all of it. I've tried Zoloft for a period of 2 weeks, but 3 days in my tinnitus got noticeable worse with a new tone and different pitches. It woke me from my slumber, and only gave me big nightmares. I noticed now that when I take SAM-e and 5-htp (they have to do with serotonin, similar to SSRIs but not as powerful) that sometimes the suicidal thoughts and tinnitus may WORSEN, which leads me to believe that substances that deal with serotonin may make things worse for those dealing with brain damage post pregabalin.

For some reason, people after pregabalin are extremely sensitive to caffeine and alcohol. I noticed my panic attacks (didn't have any prior to Pregabalin really) intensified massively after let's say... 1 coffee. Whereas I used to drink a few Monsters or was able to drink a lot of alcohol, now it's very little. Although I'm better where I try not to restrict myself...

So... here's to the post. AMSTERDAM.

I went to Amsterdam last weekend. I drove 12 hours from Warsaw through Berlin to buy some magic truffles. Shrooms are illegal as of 2008 in the Netherlands, so I decided to get the next best dose of psilocybin for microdosing... truffles. I'm now currently drying out the remainder of my 20g (overall I bought 50g that I'll dry down to 5-6g) and will crush them into a fine powder, put them into capsules and microdose every few days to see if a) my depression improves and b) my tinnitus intensity and/or volume decreases. There's been plenty of stories and studies done on psilocybin and it's effects on treatment resistant depression. There's only been 2 people I saw that either tinnitus was cured by psilocybin (although it can't be verified... but supposedly it did) or it reduced the intensity.

I decided it was worth the 2400km roundtrip. I spent 1 full day in Amsterdam and my 3 day journey was a success... in that of the travel portion. I enjoyed getting out of the house and driving helps distract me from my tinnitus and thoughts. I do get moments of dp/dr sometimes while driving, but nothing too intense. I stopped many times and loved speeding down the Autobahn.

I must note here: What I did was travel to a location where psilocybin is legal and am only recommending this for those who live in or near a place where it's legal or decriminalized, slowly we're having more of that and I'm happy to see Oakland, CA and Denver, CO have pulled a Portugal.

I must also note: I'm extremely sensitive to psychedelics. I realized this upon my journey to PsychedSubstance, where Adam said I probably was just sensitive and when we tried lower doses it made sense. I either freaked out or enjoyed myself on something that most people wouldn't feel.

It finally clicked when I thought back to my first time having a full blown psychedelic mushroom trip. I took .25g of potent shrooms (dry), where some people say it's a microdose for them, for me I ended up 1km away from my apartment at a nearby beach. I woke up confused and I thought I travelled to another world. I had an ego death experience on 1/4th of a gram.

Maybe ever since I took too much LSD my first time, I've been noticeably sensitive to psychs. Or maybe my brain was just designed like that from the beginning. Either way... I wasn't taking any chances this time.

These truffles are wet, so the math is quite hard as converting truffles to shrooms isn't equal 100% and then wet to dry is also difficult without knowing the exact psilocybin %. But since I'm not in a lab, I just decided to weigh out a small chunk. It was .05g and I went for it. This was wet, so that means I probably took .005g dry.

Nothing happened. I was anxious before and during, but that was probably due to how Pregabalin put me into this daily anxious state. So nothing new. I walked around the centrum of Amsterdam and decided to head back to the hotel. I walked in the day through the red light district (my hotel was not too far away) as I had just parked my car, and took a little over .1g more about an hour later.

In total, I had taken .156g which would amount to .015 dry I think. A tiny amount. Most would suggest to do 10-20x that. I might've felt a bit more anxious, but I had 2 Xanax pills at the ready in case something went wrong and I felt a bad trip on the way.

The reason I'm doing microdosing is because I don't ever want to do full on psychedelic trips. In fact, I decided to stop psychedelics altogether after I had a bad experience with MDA (the psychedelic version of MDMA). But since I've tried all normal approaches now with doctors and pharmaceuticals to try and heal myself, here I am back to alternative treatments.

I will increase my doses slowly. It's been over 1 week now and I will try another microdose soon. I will continue this until a) I begin to feel bad and decide a Xanax is necessary, then I will stop. b) I feel fine but see no positive effects after a while.

The proper way to microdose is to space it out every few days and do it in a proper set and setting. I will only do it on days when I have not much to do and it's a good day outside, so I can plan everything out and have no stress for a few hours. It's controversial, but then again... my old youtube life was all about that. Besides crypto, I was very pro-psychedelics and MMJ. It'd be a sin not to try this before going straight ahead to Ketamine infusions which cost a fortune.

That's my update so far.

 

Nice post...

Too late now, but the brain develops till you're in your mid twenties.
I, like you, took drugs at far too young an age.

Good luck with your microdosing... you may have some real positive effects.

May I humbly suggest you engage in exercise, which releases chemicals naturally, and also doing saunas or steam baths, as they are also relaxing and give a person a sense of euphoria.

Good luck on your journey and please be careful.

Daniel

 

Unfortunately... I LOVE SAUNAs, yet after Pregabalin my heart can't take it for too long. Whereas I could sit for 15-20 minutes, rest, and come back before... now I can barely handle 5-10 minutes. When I come out of the sauna, my heart is POUNDING and the first time I sat down and drank a lot of water and just waited half an hour. I thought it was a heart attack.

My card for saunas still has like $150 left on it for this year so I've gotta use it soon I'm actually going today, but I know it's only for a little bit.

Steam rooms, jacuzzis, massages, all great stuff. And yes, I wish I waited till I was 25 or older to try many substances. Especially Pregabalin. Maybe I wouldn't be so at risk of developing all my symptoms then. Plus who knows what medicine would look like 4-5 years from now? I'm sure we'd have a greater understanding of everything.

Many adults who take Pregabalin experience side effects, but it's those aged 18-24 which in studies experienced the greatest amount. Probably because you're still developing and Pregabalin kills the formation of new brain synapses. Too early unfortunately.

 

Dude, you have all my support.

You're smart and have great things ahead of you.
Get fit, be physically strong.
Be a little careful and have tons of fun.
You deserve happiness.
On that note, take care and be well.

 

Today I will be taking a microdose very soon. Just passed my theoretical portion of my Polish driving exam, much more difficult than getting my American driver's license. I failed the practical one, but tomorrow we'll try again. After months of agony with this stuff... I'm excited to soon have 2 licenses. I've always loved driving and wanted a nice car ever since I was young.

Maybe I won't have the car of my dreams anymore, but I have some hopes.

I'm currently about 250lbs (6 foot 3) which means I gained like 40 lbs over the past 2-3 months. This isn't the first time I gained weight rapidly, at my heaviest I weighed 281... but back then I didn't have anybody and I didn't want to be with anybody. Now I'm like way more than double the weight of my girlfriend, and I know she loves me but definitely would be way more sexually attracted if I got skinny again. I've done it before. Dropped from 281 to like 220, went up to 230, then back down to 169. I'm confident I can get back down again under 190.

First day of my fast. I will start a veggie and limited fruits diet, retrying something I failed last month after only 5 full days. I will try much longer now.

Thanks for the inspiring post. I know it's worth a shot before I'd be dead to try and get skinny and see how I'd feel then.

I really hope that microdosing is able to reduce the volume... really really do. Until I'd get an appointment with Lenire

 

I will be curious to hear how you make out.

My own foray convinced me that microdoses didn't do anything beneficial to my tinnitus, but somewhat larger doses are still pretty interesting even after all these years...

 

Nice post.

For me micro dosing didn't help me at all. It increases serotonin I believe and serotonin and I don't get along. Makes me very angry. Also for me it made me more aware of the pain I had going on. So far I have been diagnosed with Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia. So not only was I pissed, I felt like my jaw was being ripped off. Not fun.

Will try and stay away from Lyrica though if the pain management doctor wants me on it.

 

Wait... Truffles are psychedelic???

 

No. Magic Truffles are, but normal truffles you find on fancy soups at restaurants are not. Just as there's a difference between the mushrooms on your Pizza Hut order and p. cubensis shrooms from your dealer

 

Interested to hear how it affects you. I haven't microdosed much since tinnitus onset.

 

Hey AVIYT,

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with Lyrica. It sounds somewhat similar to my experience with SSRI's. I'm always blown away by how many people are on these drugs and treat them like they're nothing but candy. Maybe we are just more sensitive?

Anyway, I've been reading a lot about Psilocybin lately (I'm in my 20's and have never tried it.)

I want the full experience but not to go overboard so I'm planning on taking 1-1.5 grams my first time. I know it works via serotonin receptors (different one from SSRI's) so this makes me nervous that some wires are gonna cross in my brain and the tinnitus will be worse. I'm probably being paranoid but I'm super nervous for my first dose. I'm getting my cubes next month so I have some time to prepare. In the mean time I'm also considering Ketamine infusions and just found out I can get 3 for $900. Pretty good deal for the States.

Right now I'm just contemplating which I should do first. Let me know how you progress with Psilocybin.

Hoping the best for you,
Kev

 

I've been recently reached out to and was made aware that I should start small by myself with Ketamine before trying Ketamine infusions. From my recreational use a few years back, I remember it was a strange state. I of course did not give any f's back then, so I did it my first time at the cinema. From the outside I looked normal... just sitting.

From the inside I felt like I was part of the movie, Star Wars. Everything felt robotic and weird. Totally forgot who I was for that... hour or so.

It's short lasting which makes me think it's an easier option to do than psilocybin. But then again, microdosing you shouldn't feel it if done correctly. You have much more leeway with microdosing psilocybin than taking small doses of Ketamine. I'm just going to try it once or twice to prepare myself for a full on infusion session as I'm prone to paranoia now since Pregabalin.

And with shrooms, no one knows how it exactly affects tinnitus. But for non-tinnitus folks, I know plenty of people who were on antidepressants and got off and do shrooms now fine.

 

I took a microdose of .048g dried (with my math, after seeing the difference between wet and dried of around 2.51 I calculated it to be around .12g wet) with 1 gram of Phenibut beforehand to ease me into it. To be quite honest, I'm sad that the Phenibut doesn't work like it used to. It didn't alleviate all my anxiety and intrusive thoughts, but was enough of a reduction that I felt good to start the microdose at a public beach at a lake, 40 minutes from my home.

I was a bit worried that I'd get too in tune with everybody's conversations at the beach, since there was a lot of people and it was a bright sunny day, so I rented a boat and just swam out into the middle of the lake. It was pretty fun, but of course I had a bit of my usual suicidal ideation. Half of it comes from Tinnitus, half of it comes from the post-withdrawal state Pregabalin has left me in. But altogether, 100% of that comes from Pregabalin.

Has microdosing had any effect? Well, the 2nd time.. not really.

I'm not sure whether my visual snow has worsened because of the microdose or from the Turmeric which I took for 3-4 days and stopped. My visual snow and tinnitus spiked recently but the t spike has been like this from before the microdose, I'm not sure what it's from honestly. But lately at night I see a lot more dots.

I'll try .05g dried next time without any phenibut, just with xanax on hand in case it becomes too intense.

 

How are the shrooms working out my friend?

I really like the idea of something organic, natural, that could change our neurological state... Keep us posted... aAnd be keep being safe... Thanks.

 

AVIYT,

The standard Ketamine infusion dosage for depression is actually a really low dose (I think it's around .5mg/kg). I also think getting ketamine off the street is riskier because it could be mxe or another analouge of ketamine and these drugs have been known to exacerbate and sometimes even induce tinnitus in a small group of people who have taken them. With psilocybin it's easy to tell if your mushrooms are the right kind or not and dosing is easy with scale. I'm glad the microdose was a good time. A break from your own mind sounds like the perfect kind of treatment for those of us with tinnitus.

I forgot you are taking phenibut. Do you notice a real benefit? I've heard mixing pharma drugs with mushrooms is not a good idea and can greatly influence the absorption of the shrooms. My goal is to take them with nothing else in my system (not even NAC) but I too will keep a klonopin in my pocket just in case I have a full fledged panic attack. The turmeric seems harmless (anti tnf-a has actually been proven recently to help with tinnitus) so I wouldn't be too worried.

Please keep us posted on your microdosing endeavors and any effect it has on your tinnitus.

 

If I were you I would try only MDMA microdosing because it seems to be safe and used in clinical trials. Do not get offended but it seems you are using your body as a drug laboratory. Pay attention.

 

I would say the full experience is reached at 3,5 grams and over, depending on many factors since it's an organic substance. With shrooms, the worst experiences for me are when I'm trapped in between my sober mind and the psychedelic experience. It might not make sense until you've experienced it, but you generally want to get over a specific "hump" with shrooms. Some people would say go for at least 3 grams the first time, and I agree.

If you eat 1 gram, my tip is to do it when taking a hike in nature. If you just lay in your bed expecting something big you might get restless and anxious. 1 gram is roughly equivalent to smoking a moderate amount of weed in intensity although the comparison is a bad one.

Many people, myself included, don't hear their tinnitus on proper doses of mushrooms. On smaller doses I get anxious over my T. Or I did at least, been many months since I did mushrooms now. I didn't learn to enjoy smaller doses of mushrooms until I had extensive experience with larger doses

For me, 0,1.-1 grams is nice. Between 1 and 3 grams I generally just wish I had taken more...

 

What? Link? I've seen a couple clinical trials where significant doses of MDMA were used a very limited number of times.

Microdosing MDMA does not make much sense; you will be dealing with neurotoxicity pretty quickly. It is not a drug which is safe to use on a regular basis; even with micro doses you will eventually deplete serotonin, then dopamine binds to the wrong places, receptors get bent out of shape, transmitter levels take a long time to normalize again and some damage occurs.

Yes, it varies so much with the substance, though. I've occasionally seen mushrooms where 1.5g was the full on Shiva Destroyer Of Egos, and mushrooms where 4g was sort of meh.

Agree with you that "in between" doses are rough. Tendency to still be able to have too many "I" thoughts, but not be able to interact with them usefully. That said, I think those doses can still be pretty useful and visionary if you're willing to lay in a dark room and meditate on them, and have the advantage of not pushing you so far over the brink that you can't talk yourself through it with a blanket and some calm media if need be.

Mushrooms are super interesting and they can make my tinnitus seem super interesting, but they have never suppressed it, either at micro or macro doses. If anything, it tends to get amped when the effect is wearing off, though after ontological dissection, a little more head noise than usual didn't really faze me.

 

“Ontological dissection “, did you actually have little elves cut open your ear and have a look about.

 

MDMA microdosing is a horrible idea because of downregulation in DA and 5-HT receptors, and frequent use can lead to neurotoxicity.

 

Only in the psychospiritual sense.

Also,

ontology (noun) - the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being.

otology (noun) - the study of the anatomy and diseases of the ear

That "n" makes all the difference

 

Shit...

Put in place and shamed publicly...

I am humble...

Good on you...

Rock on Linearb.

 

@Daniel Lion no shame! It's a weird word, I might be the only person on here who uses it!

 

I am impressed.
Not ashamed... just giving you props.

Thanks for the vocab boost...

Peace out.

 

I have not yet taken a third microdose as I've been a little too anxious as of late. My tinnitus has been more fierce all around, and it could be increased anxiety because of financial issues. Unfortunately I'm deep in debt, if I was able to work I'd probably be making good money now while currently it's difficult to record and edit 1 video... let alone hundreds like I used to.

Anyways,
Lately my suicidal ideation has also increased due to this. So I said I can't wait anymore and risk NEVER trying Ketamine Infusions because unless I get more credit approved which I'm fighting for I won't be able to afford a few thousand dollars worth and also to travel for this, plus Lenire AND a hearing aid. All thousands of dollars.

So... I ordered Ketamine myself. And I tested it 2 days ago with 2 tests, Mecke and Mandelin. (I RECOMMEND USING TEST KITS TO CHECK PURITY). Ketamine indeed, pure. I definitely wouldn't want to risk getting MXE as that can increase tinnitus supposedly.

I tried a 10mg test dose yesterday. I will report on that in a separate thread when I go through with a 15mg dose and 20mg dose. So far no positive results, but no negative either. Too small a dose really.

 

Well done, you are very proactive. Tinnitus and my other health issues make me so depressed that I struggle to fight. Please let us know how it goes.

 

I did 600mg in a clinic for four hours. I was put to sleep with propofol (sp?) while injected. I had two pretty quiet days after but it went back to baseline. I personally would love to try 6 smaller treatments for my OCD but I don't know if I would expect extended benefits with tinnitus.

 

Tinnitus, from CNS, not acoustic trauma, is strictly connected to serotonin imbalance in some place I believe. Mine was induced by SSRI's. Psilocybin works on serotonin on different level, it connects to the receptors on neurons. My younger brother tried shrooms last Friday, he had full trip 3.5 g. When he took off his headphones he told me his ears were ringing, the high pitch sound similar to the one I have. Luckily it resolved after sleep and when Psilocybin came out of his system. After knowing my history he told he would never touch shrooms again.

So please be careful with Psilocybin.

 

Haven't consumed truffles nor insufflated Ketamine past the 2 mini-trials for both, I fell sick. I have gained tremendous weight since this whole ordeal. I went from an already unhealthy 210 to 215-ish lbs. at the beginning of my anxiety and taking Pregabalin, to going to 230+ fairly quickly after starting Pregabalin.

I lost some weight initially when going off of Pregabalin as the first 2 weeks were the acute withdrawal periods. I suffered so greatly that one of my favorite things to do in the world, sex & masturbation were so far gone that I didn't think about it at all. My other big love is food. I barely ate due to stress.

After that I tried a healthy diet. I actually got pretty good at it and tried exercising for a bit before I realized my tinnitus wasn't going away, nor the negative thoughts and my vision at this time was in a way worse than it is today. My light sensitivity was so bad that if I didn't wear sunglasses (even indoors, for example mall lights would cause me literal pain to look at) I couldn't drive nor look at people straight. Reading was out of the question. Even looking at forum texts was difficult.

So I got majorly depressed and my diet went to junk food. For a brief time I even started smoking cigarettes quite often (for a few weeks) and started drinking alcohol often as well. I ballooned up to 280 lbs. This isn't the first time in my life I hit 280... the most I ever weighed was 282lbs at 16 and 6 foot 2. Now I'm 21, 6 foot 3 and life showed me that this time IS different.

Besides stretch marks, I now have stomach pain like someone would be punching me constantly. During the daytime and during the night time. At night it causes insomnia and ice / heat packs don't do anything. Paracetamol either.

I got acid reflux and heartburn alongside the stomach pain, and an itching in my throat. So one incident springs to mind, I drank some cognac during a kayaking trip / grill about 2-ish weeks ago and that's when everything went severe. So I visited a doctor and was prescribed a proton pump inhibitor, Nexium.

I don't take it anymore as it WORSENED my stomach pain / intestinal pain, and might've spiked my tinnitus. While taking that I didn't want to mix Ketamine or anything else into the mix as Nexium can increase anxiety by itself, which I noticed.


So at this point.. I've been very emotional as of late, I'm forced to move out of my apartment and back in with family (for the first time since I moved out at 18) and my financial situation isn't too good. I'm not giving up though.

I ordered Fasoracetam. I'm obsessed with trying to find a solution.

So far I did also 2 tests... 10mg and 20mg the following day (yesterday). So far, it might've produced the best anxiolytic results out of the 3. It's still mild and doesn't affect my tinnitus, but I definitely feel something.

I will continue my efforts.