My Story in a Nutshell — MRI/MRA Scheduled

Discussion in 'Support' started by Smartone202, Feb 21, 2019.

    1. Smartone202

      Smartone202 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Very low since2004/Went haywire in 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise in 04/Wedding dance floor and flying(?) in 18
      2004 - I'm 20 years old - A friend blows an air horn too close to my ear during a basketball game with our friends. Like idiots, we thought having one of these was fun. Now I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. Tinnitus in my left ear for 3 weeks while I cried many nights thinking my life was over. Suddenly one day it just went away. I'll never forget it, too. Just sitting down in my house on the computer, and it lowered. Eventually the ringing became completely nonexistent. Only able to hear it in a super quiet room closing my ear with my finger. However, make no mistake the ear was always damaged though from that incident on in 2004, and for the rest of my 20s and early 30s I always had to protect it. Any nights in bars with loud music, I could never handle more than a couple of hours.

      July 2018 - Fast forward 14 YEARS and only about 2-3 spikes in those 14 years later, and it was July 15th 2018. My best friends wedding and the loudest DJ you ever heard. It was ridiculous. As usual, I felt my ear could only handle so much and I kept my time on the dance floor to a minimal. At the end of the night however, I hung around for a bit too long. Re-enter the world of tinnitus at 34 years old. However surprisingly I kept calm. I've had a couple of spikes over the years that went away. Problem was, it was now late August and with the spike still there, into panic mode I went.

      September 2018 - My panic mode hit a peak after a 6 hour flight which was part of a 3 day vacation for me. On the first night as a laid down in the hotel, I was arguably never more stressed in my entire life. That's exactly when it happened. A subtle head/electrical/static buzz type noise began in my head. Not ears, head. Beginning ON the trip, became my new place to come during my daily anxiety attacks. I returned home on the flight wearing ear plugs this time, freaking out about the thought that the noisy engine next to my row of seats was effecting my already going haywire head. I got off the plane in New York with the head buzz now stronger than ever. It felt as if my life was legitimately over. Was it the flight? Was it stress? Was it something else?? I was a wreck. Not the healthiest person to begin with and struggling in some other areas of my life, this was hands down the absolute last thing on Earth that I needed.

      I immediately went to a walk in center where they saw some wax in my ear and syringed the hell out of it. Finally after what felt like a half hour, some wax came out. Head buzz remained of course. A week later I re-entered the ENT office for the first time since 2004 when they told me nothing could be done. He removed MORE wax that apparently the walk in center didn't get. Right with his tool. He told me that with the way the wax was impacted, there's a good chance it was causing my "head buzz" symptom. We'll see I thought. I did a hearing test that confirmed my hearing was basically shot. Moderate to bad. I've always had a slight loss from my Father's side of the family, but I knew things were never the same since 2004 and especially over the years from the damaged ear being around loud music. The doctor told me nothing could be done. Bye doc! Not too long after the appointment I began noticing the head buzz would be gone in the mornings and would return soon about an hour or so after waking up. After a few weeks of hardly any relief, this was interesting to me. Now of course the regular left ear tinnitus from post wedding was still there, but by this point, I was accepting that as permanent as sad as that sounds. But this head buzz? This had to go before I finally offed myself. Then, about 10 days after the ENT, I went back to baseline for an ENTIRE day in what was one of the the most amazing moments of my life. Wow, things are going to be ok I thought. Maybe God really does love me.

      Then, it happened. 2 days later. After 2 days of the head buzz completely gone and back to baseline. September 23rd 2018. It still just freaks me out to even write this. I wake up to a PULSATING high frequency noise in my damaged left ear. The head buzz still gone, but I sat up in my bed hearing and IN AND OUT IN AND OUT RING in my left ear. I had ZERO clue what was going on, but back into full fledged panic mode I went even worse than ever before. For the next MONTH I began going back and forth from this new pulsating tinnitus noise and the head buzz (yup, it returned!). When one sound was there, the other wasn't. It was one of the most surreal things I had ever experienced or even heard about. I even had plenty of instances where the pulsatile tinnitus would fade right during the middle of the day and be replaced by the head/static buzz. All this of course with the regular tinnitus in the background which now was being phased out by these other two sounds. My life was completely over in my opinion. But I never gave up. I ate healthy, tried to de-stress, and did many other things to try and help myself. In late October the head buzz finally went away. As in GONE. All that would remain were on and off "attacks" of the pulsating ringing in the months of November and December, but for the most part, that too faded significantly as far as it's regular appearance in my left ear. I felt like I was truly on the road to recovery and had visions of my success story.

      That brings us to what I'd estimate was December 20th 2018. After a very stressful couple of days, again, it happened. The HEAD BUZZ returned. By January I was back having Tinnitus consume my life. Fast forward to mid February and for the last month and a half it's been full blown reverting to the head buzz/pulsatile tinnitus mix. In between this entire time I've probably only enjoyed about a handful of days where I've reverted back to baseline tinnitus. How I've gotten through this I am still unsure but I know the only thing keeping me alive right now is the thought that at one point it DID go away significantly for 1.5 months. I've now finally made an MRI/MRA appointment that is set for this Saturday. When they tell me they've found nothing that's probably when I'll enter full blown depression for good.

      I've realized 3 things for absolute certain throughout this hell that has taken over my life:

      1- Stress/anxiety makes it worse
      2- Eating crap food and drinking alcohol makes it worse
      3- Having a bad night of sleep makes it worse

      Just looking for some support tonight. Any advice. Anything at all really. I'm not sure I'd be as sane as I am today without this site and some of the people on here. Pray for me, please.
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. Audiophile_bg

      Audiophile_bg Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      But, like, tinnitus isn't a big deal, bro.

      Just be happy. Think positively. Live outside the box. Oh and don't ask for any actual treatment/cure, that's just being pretentious.


      Good luck with everything tho, seriously.
    3. Fabrikat

      Fabrikat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Otosclerosis then volume then viral infection
      Hi @Smartone202!

      I'm sorry to read of your tinnitus torment. You've had to deal with a lot.

      Those air horns should require a license to buy and use. In the wrong hands they're a dangerous weapon. People are being permanently injured by them all the time. There's a sad story of a young British girl I think, 13 or so, that I read about on Tinnitus Talk, who was pranked by a man who blasted one of those horns next to her ear for the purpose of creating a 'funny' YouTube video. At the time of the article's writing, she was unable to go back to school months after the incident and was home bound with tinnitus and hyperacusis.

      The only bit of advice I would offer you, is that since you've described having significant hearing loss, perhaps you would benefit by trying some hearing aids. Boosting lost ambient frequencies may provide a little relief from the racket in your head. It may be enough to give you some kind of sense of control over the noise. Worth a shot. I wish you all the very best!

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