My Tinnitus Makes Me Feel Mentally Incapacitated

[MrConall]

I'm 25M and an engineer, at least that's what my job title says. I never thought I was a very smart person. I've been depressed my whole life, which affects my memory and retention. I feel like Tinnitus takes up about 80 percent of my brain capacity. It feels like I'm incapable of learning anything new.

I struggle to remember the lyrics of songs I love, the names of friends and family, places I've been, artists I enjoy listening to, and movies I've watched. Anything I read, I forget moments later. I can't wrap my head around even the simplest concepts. I feel like a total fraud.

When I'm alone in my apartment, I swear I can go an entire night without having a single thought. My brain just seems to think in the language of Tinnitus.

I'm in a very low place right now. If you've experienced something similar, please share your perspective. I really need it. I don't think I'll be an engineer for much longer.

 

[Sydnears]

What do you mean by 'think in the language of tinnitus?' How long have you had tinnitus?

Can you mask it at home and/or at work? I've been using fans in every room to help cover up my most annoying tone, and this allows me to watch TV, make food, and focus on other things.

 

[withintention]

I'd imagine @MrConall has unmaskable tinnitus, @Sydnears. No amount of white noise from fans or anything else can mask or even distract from the sound for many of us. It's piercing, constant, and louder than any other sound in our environment.

@MrConall, I'm also in engineering and have severe tinnitus, which has greatly reduced my ability to concentrate.

My advice is to stick with it.

For starters, LLMs are reducing the challenge of learning new things and doing much of the deep thinking work we used to have to do. Our discipline is shifting more toward catching errors and guiding LLMs, which is something I find can still be done even while tinnitus is constantly intruding on concentration.

Second, you didn't say how long you've had tinnitus, but most people find it becomes less intrusive over time, even if the tone stays at the same volume. I've found that I can sometimes forget about it for a few seconds or even minutes as the years go on. I imagine this trend will be the same for you, and you'll be able to concentrate for longer stretches as time goes on.

You may never get back to the way things were, but the job itself is changing with the advent of LLMs, and you should improve over time. For that reason, I wouldn't give up quite yet.

 

[Maruashen]

I want to ask he same as @Sydnears did. How long have you had tinnitus? Do you enjoy listening to music? If you play RuneScape and focus on a quest or whatever in-game, can that make you forget the tinnitus for a brief moment?