My very unsupportive mother.

Discussion in 'Support' started by meeruf, Oct 10, 2013.

    1. meeruf

      meeruf Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hey guys. Just a short history first. So all you guys know what this is about.

      Five weeks ago I had a barotrauma to my inner ear. This caused some serious tinnitus that was extremely loud. The ringing, hyperacusis and shock because of this was to much for me a small period. I do not feel weak for that reason, I think most people would be put off by what I experienced. It was just a fucking mental loud ringing. I've had ringing in the ears for three years. This was another game for sure.

      To add to this I was in Thailand two weeks before this happened to me. The four week trip to Thailand plus this injury means very little money right now. I was supposed to live home with my family for just two weeks after I came home from Thailand. But that kind of never happen. Now it has gone two months and I'm still home with my family. Just bad luck, really.

      I really wish I could just go out there and live my life like before. My plan was actually to work like a hero, travel back to south-east asia. Just because I like to travel. Now, I can't do that. It's very depressing and I also have to cope with hearing-loss and louder ringing. I think I'm doing great actually.

      Now to the problem.

      My mother has really changed since I moved out seven years ago. I have not been living home much since that time. Just visiting my brother and sister occasionally. She have this gaze filled with hate and agony. Her face and expressions is just misery. Like there is no joy in there. This really makes me sad. She have three wonderful children. None of them are trouble-children and yeah. She should be happy. She lives in one of the safest countries in the world and I really don't understand her issue. Her future is safe. She don't have to worry about pension when she gets old, everything is kind of done. The homeless people in Bangkok looked more happy then my mother.

      I'm also surprised over how little empathy she have. Lets say my brother put a object a "wrong place". She fires of like a fucking rocket and yells like crazy. I then ask her to don't yell, because my ear hurts when she does, and my tinnitus goes louder. This happened no later then today. When I told her to talk lower. She just yelled to me: "Well, it was not a problem yesterday because then your uncle was here, and he is much louder then me.". That's true. But I can't tell my uncle, his wife, my sister, brother, mother and two cousins to shut up because of my ear under a short visit. I have to tolerate some pain. But my mother can show some respect by not yelling, it's not that hard.

      It's okay to be angry about not putting stuff back to it's place. But she don't gets angry, she gets angry-angry, in this very bad way. And she can be angry about something for days. Just a small trivial thing.

      Often she just looks for a reason to be angry I think. Because she is angry inside her self, and need to get it out. You can really see the "angry-ness" in her eyes. She just look fucking miserable and look for a reason to be angry. She is angry to the core I think. She also talk in agony. She have this "angry/hate" voice all the time. She speaks to you like you are a piece of shit.

      Is it one person that really should understand this noise-issue its her. Since I have been a kid she always hated sound. She always says: "Be silent". Today my brother tapped his fingers at the table. Not to irritate anyone. Just tapping. She fired of like a rocket. There really was not any correlation between my brother action and my mother's reaction. It was out of proportions. She tells everyone else to shut up, but she goes around and yell on my brother and sister for meaningless reasons.

      I want to help this women. I don't want her to end up like a bitter old lady, that is just pissed off for no reason. But I don't know what I can do. Sometimes when I speak to her it's like she's not there. She just look empty. She has always right, and if you agree to that. She continues yelling anyways. To be honest, if she was not my mother, I would stay far far away. And not to be evil, but all the men that ever was with this women is not anymore. There is no doubt that she is a "button-pusher".

      How can I try to help this person? Should I tape-record her when she goes off, and put it together, then play it for her? Are my brother, my sister and me not good enough for her? It's sad, but there comes a day when she is not around anymore. And most of my memories of her is yelling, "angry face" and endless speeches about why something is wrong according to her logic.

      I'm grown up. I will get my ass out off here as fast as my wallet agree to that. But I'm thinking about my brother and sister. They are still children. My brother looks very sad sometimes when she takes off. This injury actually happen to me when I was out swimming with HER son. Not because I was out clubbing, standing next to a speaker just being an idiot. I wish she could be a little bit more supportive.

      I went from Thailand and high-on-life mode, to this, and now my mother on top of that. What a ride... :eek:
    2. Sherri786

      Sherri786 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Hello Meeruf
      So sorry to hear this :( reminded me so much of myself ( a younger me ) and our late mother ,I come from a country where there was no help for people with mental problems nor was there any counselling available for anger management or past issues etc. All her life mother just yelled and yelled at everyone, she was always angry and we were too young and too scared to do Anything about it, she had no sympathy, compassion or anything like that in her. Now many many years later, We wonder why she was like that, what happened in her childhood to make her like that, maybe she was bi polar , We don't know and never will. Maybe all she needed was to talk to a counsellor or psychiatrist and she would have been ok, I don't know ! Your post really touched a nerve !
    3. Karen

      Karen Manager Staff Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      First time: Noise 2nd Time: Ototoxic drug

      Another thought: You mentioned that your mother had been worse over the past 7 years. Depending upon her age, she could be going through menopause (or perimenopause, if she is a bit younger). Women going through this change, particularly if they already have emotional problems, could be strongly affected. Her anger and temper might have gotten even worse with hormone changes going on, too. Who knows, she could be having hot flashes! Is she 50 years old, or older?
    4. MT09

      MT09 Member Benefactor

      Prefer not to say.
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress induced.
      So sad to hear that @meeruf. I don't have very much to say about this. I think the best way to deal with this is to find what exactly is the problem. She has got to have some problem or she's irritated with something, maybe that's why she's ready to yell at everything all the time. Sit down, calm her down, have a detailed talk why she's been doing that and explain the situation of your brother & sister too. It's very easy for me to suggest you to sit down and have a talk, but right now, that's the only one I can think of. I hope you can solve this situation over a long talk. Good luck! (y)

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