Need Help Now to Deal With the Demon

Here is my story and worth reading:

I had insomnia and anxiety most of my life but it wasn’t severe. I left the military with some very mild, intermittent, left ear tinnitus that never bothered me. It was the fall of 2012 and I had been having some stressful issues at work. My anxiety and insomnia had ratcheted up and my old standby, Ambien, quit working. I will never forget that October morning when I was driving to work and a switch flipped on in my left ear. That sudden, no trigger event, just a very high frequency buzzing that turned on.

I freaked out. Now I couldn’t sleep at all and thus started a 2 ½ year struggle on psychiatric medications…Wellbutrin (which I blame for it's permanence), Cymbalta, Lexapro, Celexa, Pristiq and now Remeron. But, the worse of it was the course of benzodiazepines a psychiatrist started me on in April 2014, starting at 1.5 mg…a whopping dose. Unbeknownst to me, I reached tolerance quickly and since last fall have been desperately trying to taper off of Valium which I crossed over to in late November, just now having reached the 4 mg mark. I cannot describe the horrific experience that benzodiazepines have done to my life and it is a long way from over. It will cost me my career and livelihood as I can no longer work given the side effects of even a slow and gradual taper from this terrible medicine. I can barely walk and am unable to do any physical activity.

Now the tinnitus is coming back. Fortunately I can type this today as it is thankfully intermittent. I have had every medical test done for this and there is no known cause. I saw an audiologist recently but as luck would have it, I was asymptomatic that day. Based on my description she thought that Neuromonics would be the best solution but I couldn’t get the will to fork over the $4,700 needed.

The horrors of benzo withdrawal are going to be fierce. I need to learn how to deal with this demon, how to learn to sleep with it and what to do quickly. Any “emergency” pointers are appreciated.

 

Yeah, stay away from benzos..Nortriptyline isn't a benzo, so maybe that is better?