Need some support

Discussion in 'Support' started by Martin69, Apr 14, 2014.

tinnitus forum
    1. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hi all,

      I am 6 months into T. It was caused by stress and suddenly I had a crazy-loud T in my head. Maybe it was already there before, but I never noticed.

      I am using White Noise generators or listen to nature sounds, had tinnitus counselling, distract myself as good as possible (playing computer games with my kids, walking or running, trying to work, coaching football). Read Henry and Wilson book, letter to T sufferer, success stories etc. Trying to live a life as normal as possible. Try to not listen to my T, but it is always there (high-pitched and I cannot mask).

      Nevertheless I am still depressed and think I am a burden for my family. Would like to give a smile to my wife and make her life much better but it is still difficult for me (I was never a depressed person). She suffers when I suffer. And I suffer when she suffers.

      I can tell I already had the one or other good day last week. And that I rate my T as "just a sound". But I still have the feeling going through the day is a challenge.

      Maybe it is because it is Monday morning, but would need some positive words today that I will overcome this.

      Thanks and best regards,
      Martin
       
      • Hug Hug x 4
    2. Carlos1

      Carlos1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Boston
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Root Canal
      Hi Martin I know its hard Martion but we have to keep living its sounds like your doing a good job staying active just keep doing what your doing and as time passes you'll find that T isn't as difficult as it once was. I am 8 months into to this and I too have really bad days still but I also have days that I feel that I can over come this T thing and live a normal life and I never felt that way in the begining so just let time pass and take care of yourself and your family....Stay strong

      Carlos
       
    3. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hi Carlos. Thanks for your good words.
      You are right. It was much harder months ago. But I am still struggling.
      Do you do something special for overcoming this?
       
    4. Carlos1

      Carlos1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Boston
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Root Canal
      Only thing I do Martin is try to stay positive and not let the depresion take over which is a huge challenge. Stay focused on your kids and coaching and taking care of your family. It's wierd man but T wants all your attention and once it gets it the perception of T loudness is even louder.....Only advice I have is to really embrace all you have in your life the good and bad and be glad and thankfull that you have a family that needs you so stay strong for them and just let time pass...hang in there
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    5. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      MATE WE CAN BEAT THIS TOGETHER .
       
    6. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Yes. That's true. It wants and still gets all my attention. Unfortunately.
      There is much depression and sometimes anxiety that my family will continue without me if I continue suffering.
      There are absolutely no signs for this, but if you do not function like you did before, it is hard to accept at first.
      As you said, a "huge challenge". But let's stay positive. (y)
       
      • Like Like x 1
    7. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Yes. We will and stay strong.
       
    8. Andrew_89

      Andrew_89 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2014
      I had a bad day aswell mate I'm 3-5 weeks in and I went to work this morning finished early and went straight to the old girls house for a lay down In my favourite place that looks over the small bit of land they have abit of relief from the anxiety and down right hating my doctor who gave me those antibiotics that I think caused this high pitched whine / whistle but I understand I gotta break this cage and rattle my own doors !!!
       
    9. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Don't blame your doctor. Mine also gave me antibiotics against headaches and a cold. But I don't think it caused my T. I was totally exhausted because of stress for months. T started like a train in my head. Stay strong on the bad days and enjoy the good days.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    10. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Gentlemen, don't worry about the setbacks or temporary sufferings at this early stage of T. Your brains had gone through the trauma of the T experience and might be under the control of the limbic system and are reacting in 'fight or flight' mode. It was under shock & awe and now even you are learning and willing to live with this T beast, the body needs time to absorb in all these new sensations. I was in total darkness of T sufferings a few years back and I thought my life was totally hopeless. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks and all their horrible symptoms ruled my life. Each day was a long, dark day and when I went to sleep, if I could sleep at all, I didn't want to wake up to the same horror over & over again. I also had severe hyperacusis which turned all normal sounds into glassy, piercingly hurtful sensation, as if each sound drills through my brain. I had to wear ear plugs all the time but the plugs blocked off all sounds, making the ultra high pitched T shrill so much unbearably dominant. I had to choose the lesser of 2 evils but there was no lesser evil between T & H. I had to depend on meds to survive. I never thought I could recover from these conditions. But today I am fully back to living a normal, productive and enjoyable life. So gentlemen, give it time, stay positive and learn some nice strategies from the T veterans here. You will get well over time. Don't worry too much about the temporary sufferings. If you know you will get well in a year of two, then try to accept all these temporary setbacks as being part of the process towards eventual habituation. Yes, there are many success stories you can read about here and on Yuku. People do get well over time and you can learn their successful ideas. So be patient. Don't lose heart. Stay positive. God bless you all.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    11. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hey Billie.
      Always very inspiring reading your posts. Thank you very much.
      How did you survive this?
      What about your job?
      What about your wife?
      My T is so loud, I can hear it over everything.
      How should I go through this and have hopefully habituated in one year or two?
      Best regards, Martin
       
    12. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Hey Martin, thanks for the kind words. In answer to you questions, I survived my T & H horror story and I wrote my success story titled 'From Darkness to Light' here, plus a longer version on yuku. So for brevity please read up the detail in those success story posts which may answer some of your questions, especially on surviving T and relationship with the family. I am an IT guy specialized in business data-base system. As for your habituation, it will happen over time and with a good approach. Different people will take different time frame. No need to compare your progress with others. Also, please read up Dr. Nagler's 'Letter to a Tinnitus Sufferer' and it is a good start to moderate your reaction to T.

      When you read enough success stories, take some notes on what work for people. Choose whatever strategies which fit you or your budget, and try them out with sincere effort. For example, like CBT which I like a lot, Dr. Nagler's letter ends up challenging the readers to write down their fear or distorted thoughts and replace them with more realistic/positive ones. Give it a sincere, determined effort and see how it goes. That was what I did. Generally, it takes time and patience as well as effort. It is not going to be overnight success. But with determination and persistence, by willing to accept the reality of tinnitus, as well as inevitable setbacks at times, and by being positive & yet realistic, by maximizing yourself, your life force (living enjoyable & meaningful life) and by minimizing tinnitus (giving it little time & attention by refocusing on other priorities in life), by removing the fear of T (understanding what T is and isn't), then slowly the brain will get used to the ringing to the point it doesn't treat T a threat. When that happens, your recovery will only be a matter of time. Best wishes for your recovery.
       
    13. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hey Billie. Thanks for answering.

      Had really a bad day yesterday. Was crying and thought I can no longer handle this.
      Today is a little bit better.

      I think I know each and every success story on the web.
      My approach is trying to work some hours (and listening to "Summer Night" from Aire Freshener program), being much outside doing coaching, walking or by bike. Started playing a little bit golf again (driving range).

      A big problem is that my wife is running her own business which is much stress. It is difficult for her listening to my suffering - although she really tries hard. Also we have two kids (7 and 11 years old) who also make the normal trouble. I was always the one handling many things at home. Now I suffer and try going through the day not going crazy.

      I really, really try living a normal life what I would normally do without T. But it seems 10 times more difficult. I cannot mask my T and I try not reacting to it. But it annoys me so much and keeps me tensed. There seems no relief.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    14. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Hey Martin. Hope you will lighten up a bit and take it easy. Don't focus on the current sufferings. If you treat them as a passing phenomenon, something which, in a few years looking back, you will realize the T experience just a bump on the road of your life, then perhaps it will be easier for you to handle this early phase of tinnitus suffering. You hit the right button with your 2nd to last sentence above - 'annoy' or annoyance. Being annoyed by T is ok and understandable. Life threatening is not. As long as you just keep T as an annoying component of your life, your brain can harden to it given time. Don't ask me how because it happens for me a while back, T changed from life threatening, to super annoying, to annoying, to mildly annoying, and finally to neutral, non factor. It takes time for the brain to accept an unpleasant sensation. Most T veterans can tell you went through these stages.

      Perhaps I can illustrate this with the analogy of acquiring a fondness for spicy hot food like I am now. As a child growing up not used to spicy hot foods, the brain would treat such sensation as unbearable, burning, even painful sensation. A lot of spicy food lovers, like me, can tell you that at the beginning, we couldn't take a small bite on a mild pepper without feeling the burning sensation. Now, heck I can chew a raw chilli pepper without feeling it much, and magically the spiciness actually turns into pleasure to the same brain. Go figure. That is the wonder of the human brain. It is trainable and it can get used to strange sensations, even unpleasant ones at the start. So compare our response now to the initial shock, most people will find that they do not get as freaked out as initially to the same T sound. So for newer sufferer, it is important to note your little improvement here and there to build up your confidence and hope. Just like little toddlers learning to walk, it takes time and many falls before they can master walking.

      Since you seem quite worry about the impact of your T on your family, I want to relate to how I turned the T suffering into a positive for my family. One thing tinnitus sufferers should watch for is not allowing tinnitus to ruin your relationship with the family, love ones, or even boy/girl friend. They are the most important people in our life. During my initial struggle with tinnitus, suffering daily from repeated attacks from T, H, A & P, and the strong negative emotions associated with these, it dawned on me that besides ruining my life, tinnitus was beginning to ruin the great relationship I had with my family members. I made a conscious decision to fight back this T bully on this. Imagining tinnitus being my most hated foe & bully, I made a conscious effort to fight back and not let the bully tinnitus ruin my family too.

      How I did that? By humanizing T as my most hated bully out to hurt my family. I want to stand in front to shield them from this charging bully. I told myself if I have to live like 'hell' with tinnitus, I want to make sure my family would live like 'heaven' in return. I told myself I had to soldier on with this tremendous suffering, Heaven or Hell, for my family and love ones who have to depend on me. I told myself I would treat my body as if it were 'dead' to bad bodily sensations and sufferings (ignoring the pain, fear, anxiety, panic, depression and what have u), but that this 'dead' body will 'compost' itself to benefit my family and children, much like in nature a parent plant has to compost itself to provide the nourishments to the seedling plants generating around the composted parent plant. Using this metaphor has helped me bear with the daily sufferings. In reality most of us will defend our family if some one is going to charge at them intending to hurt them. So by standing firm on our feet, never back down to T, willing to tolerate any pain/suffering for them, we are doing just that.

      Apart from determining to live for them at all costs, I made extra effort to be nice to everyone, particularly my spouse. I would massage my long-suffering wife daily while an ipod was masking my tinnitus. This was one of the many 'mini-breaks' I used to win my life back. The family sensed the deep love I have for them and my effort. They returned in kind what I did to them. The result was affection and harmony in the family, a light in my life while being bombarded daily by tinnitus darkness. This 'wasted' body of mine at least can serve and give comfort to my family and love ones. I simply would not let T hurt my family regardless what hurts it could do to me. This gave me the hope & strength I needed to soldier on with immense tinnitus sufferings during those darkest days. When we lose ourselves for others, especially for our love ones, we often find ourselves. So try not to let T fool you with self pity about letting the family down. Instead, use the family to be the strength by turning all our positive energy by giving up ourselves for them. It can do miracle on our family life and our battle with T. My family actually become a ray of light amid the darkness of tinnitus sufferings.
       
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    15. inadmin

      inadmin Member

      I have to add the "in between" states. While you discover that there's no life threatening situation involved quite from the start, this condition for some people is not an "annoyance". You can get annoyed with something, but not get depressed about it, lost interest in life because of it, cry, need AD drugs to cope. It's a different situation. You can get annoyed by many things in life, but this has a true potential of bringing someone down more than something that's just caused by annoyance. For me, to get annoyed by it seems a goal, and I don't see myself in that direction yet.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    16. Freddie
      Worried

      Freddie Member

      Location:
      London,UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      27/11/2013
      Hi Martin I too can understand how you feel but as you kindly pointed out to me the other day that we will have good days and bad days and let's hope that those good ones start to join together and gradually you come out the other side as I am sure given time we all will

      All the best
       
    17. Carlos1

      Carlos1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Boston
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Root Canal
      Outstanding Billie you hit the nail on the head man...Very inspirational...Stay Strong Bro
       
    18. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hey Billie. Your posting brought tears onto my face.

      The good thing is that many people have habituated or even got rid of the noise. The bad thing is you never know if you will be one of those. Very hard living day by day with anxiety or even sometimes panic just because of a sound in my head.

      Regarding my wife, I just put here into our cabrio yesterday and we went for a beer and dinner at a restaurant. We spoke a little bit about the situation and I still have her full support. I should always do what is best for me. My life is more or less stress free. But on the other side too much time thinking about T and listening to it.

      I was also yesterday at my audiologist and got a combi device of hearing aid and WNG. Nevertheless I cannot mask my T and can always hear it. But it gives me something at least to work with.

      The thing is that I monitor T too much. Even when I am working (I am support engineer in IT), it has my full attention. I don't know why, but it is very difficult or even impossible distracting me from this. Working is at the moment more sitting at the computer googling around than really working (but this is also due to Easter which is not so busy).

      Just some minutes ago spoke to someone also having T. It took him almost a year to habituate. He has only a hissing, but I guess at the end, it is the same: Acceptance and getting used to it.

      When we were at the audiologist yesterday, my wife was also hearing a noise in her ear. She just said, no problem, I don't care. I would like being one of those people just saying the same. Why do I suffer and others not? Maybe because we IT guys need finding a solution for everything. There must be a solution somewhere. And we cannot control it.

      It is really a great thing having you and the other ones here helping me and other sufferers. I am really looking forward to the day I moved to the other side and help the newbies.
       
    19. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      You will be just fine, Martin. Don't worry too much. I am IT guy too on Unix based business systems. Hey, I think we are men of logics. But logics also work for the positive side of thinking too. After suffering heavily for a year, I thought to myself, hey, I didn't die nor go insane even with all that sufferings. If I had not reacted so badly, my quality of life would have been so much better.

      I realized Dr. Nagler's "Letter to a Tinnitus Sufferer" really makes sense logically. If I just didn't react to T so badly, it would not have been that intrusive to my life. What if I just don't sit there to take the hit from T, what if I just fight back with all the positive psychology and energy? What if I just tried to enjoy life regardless of T? Wouldn't that even make my life better than the year of 'hell' I went through? After reading 'Finding Joy Amid the Pain' from the late Darlene Cohen who suffered acute chronic pain and was bed ridden at a young age, and yet live an enjoyable, productive and abundant life, I realized then that that is exactly what I want to do, and that there is much I can improve on the quality of my life. Why not? If others can do it, why not me?

      Then I read up on 'The Power of Now' by Eckart Tolle who teaches the power of focussing on the very present moment, the moment right in front of us, the moment which we can control to turn it into the best moment, the positive moment. I realize I can proactively do something about my life instead of just letting the bully T dictate it. By accepting the reality of T in my life, I released the burden and the anxiety about it. I learned from the wisdom of a war veteran who once replied my inquiry on how best to live with T. He replied 'I am a soldier and I fight for a living. But when it comes to T, I realize I need to accommodate it instead of fighting it'. Wow, what wisdom! I realized fighting & resisting the reality of T had exhausted & drained me physically & mentally. Time to turn back and change my approach.

      I learned also the idea of true acceptance, flowing, non-resisting. I learned to 'stand firm as the mountain' on battle with T, and yet 'flow as the water' to the challenges of life. By finding joy amid the pain, living and enjoying this life abundantly, flowing smoothly with life's challenges, I find more peace and happiness. Life is beautiful. I want to focus on the beauty of it. I try to enjoy the good, learn from the bad, and ignore the ugly. T has done one thing positive for me. It forced me to learn new life's skills to cope with its darkness, and its journey of immense sufferings has taught me patience with life, and most importantly the compassion for the sufferings of others around me. It is not all a lost battle. Best wishes to your T journey, Martin. God bless your recovery.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    20. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Thanks Billie for the encouraging words. People like you help newbies to survive. I will do my very best to overcome this. By the way I am a VMware support guy. Still difficult working for me with anxiety and my current nervous system. But I really want to live as normal as possible. Will look for the books you mentioned. Thanks again. Happy Easter already.
       

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