New Tinnitus, Rapid "Success" Story. Hope for the Other New Guys.

Ok so here's the long story of how I got it being an idiot and when and how I started feeling better. If you want to skip to the part where it gets better scroll down a bit to the bold.

I'm 29, married, 3 small kids, a HUGE car guy, bike guy, airplane guy. Pretty much anything that has a motor and can go fast. One of the big things all of these hobbies have in common is that they can be really noisy, especially the way I like to enjoy them.

Right around mid-August I was riding my motorcycle from Corona CA to Thousand Oaks WITHOUT EAR PLUGS. About a 1.5 hour ride with wind noise and loud exhaust blasting my poor unprotected ear drums. When I arrived at my mechanics house in Thousand Oaks I took my helmet off and realized I had noticeably crappy hearing (I later learned this was a Temporary Threshold Shift). After long drives in noisy cars or long rides I had noticed a very minor drop in hearing for a few minutes before, but never this bad and never this long, so I had never given it a second thought. This time it was bad enough that I had to turn to my ear that could hear better to power through the meeting. I hopped in my buddy's car to drive back home and nervously laughed a little with my friend about how bad my hearing was. We stopped for food around an hour later and in the quiet outside the restaurant I was testing my hearing listening to people and snapping my fingers to see how dull the sound was compared to what I remembered as normal. My hearing had come back a lot, but was still noticeably dull compared to normal. I was thinking it would suck if my hearing was permanently damaged but oh well, I just wont be able to hear as good, I had no idea at the time that there was something called Tinnitus or that you could have a permanent ringing in your ear or that would have freaked me out a lot more.

When I got home, around 3 hours after the noise exposure, I laid down in bed and in the silence of the night I heard it for the first time. A whistle that I quickly figured out was not coming from any electronics or AC. Within 2 minutes of googling I started reading about Tinnitus, had what I would call a mini panic attack and decided I needed to go for a walk outside to calm down. I sat on the curb, read some more, walked some more, prayed that I would be one of the lucky few who recovers completely and quickly, turned on the TV to mask the sound and knocked out.

The next morning I woke up and immediately noticed that my hearing had come back a lot more. Very close to normal, but it sounded like high-mid pitched sounds, like my kids voices seemed dulled still. The loud whistle had quieted. But I sat in my quiet office to listen for it and noticed that it was still there, just quieter and had changed to more high pitched sound. I sat there with my heart sinking into my belly, starting to freak out a little. I couldn't think of anything else. I didn't tell my wife anything, just asked her to take the kids to school. Everyone left and I started googling. I learned about T and how in many cases it will never go away. I read terrible stories about people who have never been able to cope and live a lifetime of hating their T. I thought over and over how I would never hear silence again. And as much as I love noisy things, I really love a few moments of silence and a few deep breaths in the mountains to clear my head once in a while. It sounded unbearable.

I couldn't get anything done that morning. I tried to hide it from my wife but I wasn't my normally happy self and she immediately knew something was off. I explained briefly that I was stupid and was freaking out because I could have possibly damaged my ears and created a slight ring for life, but I downplayed how it was affecting me because I didn't want to look weak. I tried to get some work done but the knot in my stomach was impossible to work through. It was terrible. I wasn't used to anxiety. Any time I had experienced minor anxiety in the past I pinpointed exactly where it was coming from and worked myself through the problem quickly until it was gone. Here I was with what seemed like a major life-long problem and no solution. I couldn't shake it.

Anyway, I googled intermittently (with the TV on to mask the T) learning a ton of information and negative stories until I finally found the section on T talk for success stories. I read a few and immediately the knot in my stomach started to relax. I didn't read many stories of T that had disappeared, but I read a few about people who had become OK with their T, to the point that it did not consume their day and they could live a normal life. I decided to stop moping and freaking out and start being more proactive in figuring out how to get past this. I started looking up therapies, support groups, hunting for more success stories. All night I went up and down. I had moments of hope and moments that despair would creep back in. Bed time came (which I would soon discover was the worst time for my T anxiety because of the forced silence) and it was rough, but I turned the TV on tried to avoid listening for it and eventually fell asleep, still going through constant ups and downs and all the while hoping it would just go away within a few days.

Next day hearing seemed to be back to normal, but the T didn't seem to change. I was starting to feel at this point like I should keep it real and start getting used to it, and hold out a very small hope that it will go away (to keep me sane).

I'm getting way too detailed and this will take forever to write and read so I'll try speed things up. You can get the point now. The first week I went through A LOT of ups and downs. I would think about not having silence, I was scared that it could get worse, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to hang out with my kids and eventually grandkids in peace because I would always be paranoid about loud outbursts making it worse, and many other fears that I picked up on while reading WAY too much about T those first few days. I was slipping into a hopeless depression. Something that has only happened to me one other time in my life at the end of my teen years and lasted about 2 weeks. But was bad enough that I could remember it clearly and hated that I was experiencing it again. Couldn't eat, tried my best to fake happiness around the kids and wife, avoided friends. And did a ton of positive reading trying to keep a positive outlook. The first few days were 99% stomach knots, worries and hopelessness. By the next weekend I was up to around 80-90% crappy day and more positive moments. I let my wife know around day 3 that this was very hard for me but that I was working through it, she was incredibly supportive and her positivity helped a little. Reading stories about people habituating by 6 months, 12 months, 24 months sounded so far off, but sounded like welcome relief after just a few days of feeling like this. It's surprising how quickly everything you care about can become unimportant. I was actually thinking about selling all my cars, bikes and giving up fling small aircraft at one point!

Week 2 I was feeling more of a 60-70% crap day and 30-40% good, or at least normal enough that I could enjoy some time with my kids until someone screamed or dropped a fork (I know now, extreme over reaction). I made and went to an appointment with an audiologist, hearing test came back very close to normal. That made me feel a little better. I went to an ENT to ask about TRT (Tinnitus Retraining Therapy) and the ENT didn't know much at all about TRT, was very blunt about me needing to deal with T and said he has many other patients who have it and work around it. But provided no information on how to deal with it, He was actually almost completely a waste of time haha. But at this point I was having 50/50 days. I decided I needed to start thinking about it less, listening for it less, trying to find new hobbies since my old hobbies made me anxious and still wanted to find more info on TRT. I got more in to work and noticed the more I ignored T and focused on making old goals important again the happier I was through the day.

By week 3 I was feeling ok or good for the majority of the day. I would forget about T sometimes but would enter my silent house, hear it, get instant anxiety for a few moments and then remind myself to get busy. The more I reinforced the positive behavior the better it got. I lagged on TRT, kept doing what I was doing and time just went by. Now here I am.

NOW, about 2.5 months later, I am happy to say that I have achieved what I think people here call "habituation". My T has not gone away or gotten any quieter but I do not dwell on it. I am no longer saddened by it. Time has passed and it has not gotten worse so I am no longer anxious that daily activities or my kids can make it worse. I am into cars and bikes as much as I have ever been (although I'm much safer now!), I even made the plunge in buying a small plane to really commit to the hobby (with the aid of a noise-cancelling headset). My T has not gotten any quieter, but I rarely hear it or notice it. And when I do it doesn't bother me anymore. It just is. Like the minor ache that I started having in my right knee when I get out of bed when I hit 27. It's a change in life, but not something that affects me in a negative way. It's less than that dull knee ache even. Even just a few weeks ago I was over-it, but I would have still considered it a very minor inconvenience when I would hear it for a moment. Now it is nothing. I am sitting here in my quiet office, if I focus I can hear it over the whir or my laptop fans and over the sounds of cars going by outside, but it doesn't bother me. This is probably hard to believe or understand for some of the new guys/gals because it was certainly hard for me to believe when I was starting my T journey. I was so skeptical that I thought some were BS stories created by some nice site admin to give us hope lol Or thought people wrote them to help convince themselves that it's true, that they really did feel better about their T. I can now tell you guys first hand, that in less than 2 months from the time of exposure and knowledge that I had T, I was 95% back to me. I would say now I am even back to 99%.

Sorry if this sounds a little scattered. I had to take a few breaks to help out with the kids, text my flying buddies about some gear we need to get later, got distracted with an update call for some new parts that are on the way for one of my cars and had a few work texts (back to normal life, get the picture =P).

This forum was a turning point for me. I honestly don't know what direction I would have gone in or where I would be right now if it wasn't for the wealth of information here and the positive stories. So I told myself that if I ever felt better I wouldn't just disappear from the community. I'm getting so far over it that it't tough to stick around, but I thought it would be cool to leave my story and check in once in a while. I really hope my story can at least spark that little bit of positivity in someone else who has just found out that they have T.

It wasn't exactly a clear path and it happens gradually so it's hard to write an exact roadmap, but here's what I remember helping:
- Stay positive. You have to WANT to beat the unhappiness and anxiety. I don't self pitty and always try my best to stay positive and happy. Fake it till you make it. It really does help you feel very slightly better for even just a moment. I believe that your mind will tend to naturally fall back to where it is most often. The more I forced myself to think positive thoughts the more frequently they would pop in instead of negative T thoughts. The cycle starts to feed itself without you really paying attention.
- Do NOT listen for your T! At least at the beginning, until you are truly comfortable with it. Do some habituation reading or TRT reading. This was a huge part of the base of the ideas that helped me. The idea is to train your brain that T is not a threat. Right now you freak every time you hear it because it scares you, kind of irrationally. Your brain naturally focuses harder on threats so it can protect itself (you and your body). The more you focus on it and think negative thoughts the more your brain wants to FIND that threatening sound. The more you get used to it and release that fear your brain seeks it out less and less. I would regularly remind myself that if I heard it for a moment I would immediately distract myself with something else. Another thought. It can take a while but with a little effort eventually you train your brain on a subconscious level that T isn't something it needs to look out for. As you start to feel better consciously and start to realize that T isn't as big of a deal as it was you just kind of care less. You don't have a reason to think or care about it. Eventually it starts to fade because it is not important and frankly kind of boring. It is a non-thing.
- Allow yourself to forget. The first step to my habituation was feeling better in general. Losing the association between T and anxiety. Don't listen for your T. Don't read too much about it after you've got the basics. Allow yourself to relax and then if you want to you can start thinking about it for small spurts, from a positive place. A place where you already know you can feel better if you just choose to forget, and knowing you can feel better, even if it's just because of denial, might help you deal with T better when you take it head on and get to the point where you accept it. I used to feel better when I pretended it didn't exist. Now I can listen to it and just realize that it doesn't have to bother me if I don't want it to, so it doesn't. To be honest I would still rather choose having it gone if I could, but I would also choose being 2 inches taller if I could. I can't change either so I'm not going to lose sleep over either.
- It helped me to not tell everyone I know. A close support system is great. I told my wife and parents, but that was it. I didn't want to tell everyone I knew what I was going through because then I felt like it would be an elephant in the room when I saw that person again. Which would FORCE me to think about it, even if only for a moment or a quick explanation that I was feeling better. Like I said, fake it till you make it, and keep a small support group of people you can turn to and be fully honest with if you need some support in a moment of weakness.
- Remind yourself who you were before this, or remind yourself about your goals, what you cared about, what you wanted to work toward. This helped me immensely. I am typically busy enough that I don't have much time to worry about things I can't control or negative possibilities in the future. I slowly filled my head again with interests and goals. As I started to feel happier, try to make myself ok with my T and get back to normal my old passions took back over, and some new ones.

- Bonus tip: When you feel crappy remind yourself that there are genuine positive moments. I had trouble with this so this might sound weird but I even made small videos of myself telling myself that I felt good right now and the positive thoughts that were going through my head, so I could look back at when I was feeling especially down or hopeless. Again, I know it sounds weird but it actually helped. I didn't look back at them much, but surprisingly the recording was a kind of therapy because I had to put the good feelings into words. Speaking something has always made me think more deeply about the thought because I have to understand the feeling or idea enough to put it into words. I never told anyone I know personally that I was doing this (lol) and have since deleted all videos but one especially inspiring one that mentioned a promise to help others, which is why I'm writing starting this thread!
- Bonus tip 2: I started developing a fear of loud noises for the first week or two until I realized that was a thing (I forgot the name) and started watching it more closely. I even bought a decibel reader (SP level or something) from my local music store/center and was trying to stay under a silly-low DB level. I think 70db or something lol. The audiologist told me that hearing damage is linear, so if it took all the terrible things I've done to get my ears to this point then it would take A LOT more to really damage them permanently. He said to treat my ears just like anyone else and to avoid the same loud noises anyone else needs to avoid. Kids, no ear plugs. LOUD auto racing, ear plugs. Riding, ear plugs. Normal sound level in restaurant, no ear plugs. You get the picture. I am no longer paranoid but I am much more aware than the average person. And I do keep small ear plugs or noise canceling headphones with me just about at all times, and have been grateful for them a few times.

I'm sure I can remember a lot more tips over the next few weeks if I try, so I'll update when I remember a few more. But the important part is to stay positive, realize T can't hurt you and there is no valid reason to fear it, don't listen for it and find some good distractions until you can deal with it more head-on!

One last time, from someone who went through it all very recently, it can feel TERRIBLE for a few days or weeks. I can still remember them clearly. But if you put in some effort you can be back to exactly who you were before this and a lot more quickly than you might expect. I know every story is different, but I hope this helps! I'll try to remember to check in once in a while incase anyone has any questions about my method.

- Dude With T

 

I just remembered a funny story one of my friends told me that helped me realize it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Short version, he was telling me about how his hearing was noticeably worse in his right ear. I didn't bring it up and had never told him about my T, he just brought it up while we were driving a few weeks ago. I asked him if he knew why he had crappy hearing in his right ear and he told me it was stupid, but when he was young he didn't know any better and he would put a home speaker right up to his ear playing loud music because he liked the way the loud sounds "tickled" the inside of his ear. I asked him if he had ever had a constant whistle, ringing or anything like that and he said no. I asked him again, so when you're laying down in bed, the house is completely quiet, you hear complete silence? He paused for a sec and said, I guess I hear a little bit of a buzzing sound sometimes but never connected it to silence. When I was little I used to think it was the sound of electricity going through the lines outside if my house or something and as I got older I just thought it was normal and never thought to bring it up to anyone.

LOL. He's had it his entire adult life, never realized it should be an issue or a bother, so it never was! Just food for thought.

We talked a little more about it and I told him the very short version of my story and how I had mostly gotten over it (mostly at that point, around a month ago) and then we talked about something else and never talked about it again because it's not a big deal or particularly interesting to talk about again

 

Loved this post..