Not new to tinnitus, but new for me and not coping

[Amelia]

Hi everyone,

I'm so sorry my first post has come into this area rather than the "introduce yourself" section, but honestly I'm struggling and I don't really know where to turn. I feel like Im falling apart.

I've been struggling with T for 3 weeks now and coming to the horrific conclusion that its here to stay. The thought of this is so claustrophobic and I just don't think I can deal long term. I don't know how it's even possible to cope with this.

For 7 months I've been battling a sinus infection. Numerous antibiotics (not known to cause T tho) and finally a trip to the ENT who suggested a nasal spray and nasal irrigation. 4 days in and it finally felt like the pressure in my forehead was dissipating and moving down to under my eyes. Then on day 5 I did a nasal rinse and I think I squeezed the bottle too hard and it really hurt. That night the ringing began and it hasn't stopped. Unfortunately in Australia ENT's aren't easy to get into. Usually an appointment is about a 3 month wait (and I'm a private patient - public patients can wait up to 18 months). The soonest I can get back in is mid next month. 3 agonising weeks away.

Now I'm stuck with high pitch ringing in both ears and no sinus symptoms whatsoever. I think at least if I still had symptoms I'd be able to hold out some hope that this may go away.

I said in my title that I'm not new to T. My father has it - and badly. He often speaks of being suicidal and struggles every single day. And seeing this makes me feel I cant live through this.

I'm only 30. I have 2 beautiful young children and I still feel like I could end it all if in 3 weeks the ENT tells me there is nothing she can do.

I can't sleep - despite my mother giving me a few xanax tablets. My GP prescribed valium to calm me down but I'm not sure that's safe to take. The last thing I want to do is damage my ears even further (if anyone knows if it's ok to take please let me know). I can't stand the quiet anymore and that upsets me the most because I was always such a quiet person. I loved nothing more than silence.

How am I meant to deal with never having that silence again?

 

[Cher69]

Hi Ameila - your post really touched me - I can imagine your tears as you wrote it - and I send you all my virtual support and hugs - Im sure others will post quickly on your thread and offer you lots of advise and support - but to start this process of helping to get you through I will offer my advice.

I totally uderrstand your feelings as do many who find themselves in this position - my Dad also told me he has T and had it for years thankfully not too bad and he has learnt to cope. We do hear stories of people who struggle so much with T they consider the worst conclusion - but these are only a handul out of the thousands millions of people who have T all over the world and learn to cope enough to get on with living life to the full.

I like you have 2 children mine are teenagers so can understand a little more than younger children that Mum isn't herself at the moment. So I appreciate you are protecting the children from seeing Mum not being quite herself.. Do you have a partner who can help you through these times and maybe help a little more with the family routines for you ?

Time is a wonderful healer but you do need some support to help the time pass and the learning to cope and finding the things that help you. Support from Doctors - Ive been on Anti D's and sleeping pills on and off to get me through - support from family and friends, support from this web to give you ideas to try some will work some wont everyone is different. Have you got some masking noise app for you phone I have some I play at nighttime - I also fully support the idea of relaxing time - when you so anxious and wound up you cannot 'relax' and you will have to find 30 mins a day to try and relax by maybe listening to some really lovely music or I found some apps for my phone that plays 'guided relaxations and encourages slow breathin' This was something Ive never ever done in my life but I realised I had to calm myself down and I need to get my brain to focus on helping me heal and learn to cope with T. It really has helped me calm myself.

Ive not been without wobbles and Im having a wobble now with sleep but Ive gone back to the routines I used at the start and Im trying to relax and listen to my masking noise to sort the routines out,

Others on here are very knowledgable about alternative options if you like the idea of natural remedies and will suggest many options for you to try

So right now life with T feels daunting and to be honest it is but your not alone and we can all together find a way through - please keep strong - go back and talk to the doc about the tablets if you worried so you can decide what you would like to try - BUT keep us all posted as you go on the journey we are here to help you ! Its not the end of the world its just a hurdle we have to learn to jump !!

Sending you hugs Cher x

Excuse any spellings on my way to work and just had to reply ! No time to spell check and Im a rubbish speller !!

 

[Amelia]

Thank you so much for your lovely reply @Cher69 (and yes, tears were flowing as I was writing!) - I think the initial "forever" weight of all this is hitting me very hard - and as someone who has always been anxious and prone to jumping to the worst case scenario, I'm sure this has some bearing on my feelings now. My husband tells me I need to stop stressing, but stress feels like such a part of me that I don't even know where to begin in releasing some of it.

I also think (along with the nasal rinse) I was going through a particularly rough time stress wise and maybe that brought it on? my little 4 year old had to have an operation (thankfully she is on the mend) and my 18 month old had a strange rash which I was told could be blood cell disorder (again, thankfully all is well there now too) so there was a few things just piling up on me.

I'm doing the "masking" at night and when I need to through the day - although because I'm still focused on the noise I hear it above whatever I'm using. I have started taking Magnesium, B12 and Ginkgo - although I'm doubtful they will have an effect as my blood test didn't show any abnormalities at all (was hoping for something to explain this ringing!)

If anyone had any other suggestions Id love to hear them! - I'm interested in also looking into chiro and acupuncture, if only for the relaxation purposes.

Again Cher, thanks so much for taking the time to reply - especially as you were on your way to work! x

 

[Cher69]

Try to stay positive and keep busy the more you can distract yourself the more you wont focus on it - I found nice long walks with my dog were extra enjoyable, I could stroll along at my own pace. I deffo support the idea of anything to help you relax chiro or acupuncture - I went for some lovely Indian head massages and this was very soothing and relaxing.

I never feel experienced enough to offer help or advice about the cause, you obviously have had an event that clearly you can pin point with the nasal spray - I would be very hopeful the ENT doc may offer firm ideas on this, and maybe it will settle once the healing of your sinus problems have gone and you have had time to learn to relax and cope with the T at the moment.

Im sure @Karen on here who is unbelievable with her knowledge will offer you some very good positive ideas of selfhelp which we all need to embrace to rise above this thing !

I remember clearly sitting wanting to read book in the early days and I couldnt as the noise in my head was so intrusive, I didnt need to read at that moment but I wanted to prove I could do this simple task - and I put myself in the quiet lounge and failed to read as it drove me crazy ! OK - 1st mistake dont put yourself in situations that are difficult on purpose - a number of weeks later I found myself without planning it sat in the garden reading - the trees and birds and general sounds around did enough to distract me and I wasn't testing myself - I was starting to take control. Lesson 2 dont push and test yourself - dont walk into quiet rooms and listen for it - try to just ' get on with everyday things ' I know thats easy to say and right now for you feels like ' how do I do that' BUT you will.......... keep ya chin up and try to catch up on rest then think of something positive everyday you have achieved and soon you will have more good things than negative things - thinking about you and keep us posted xx

I am at work now and its my first Sat am shift in 25 years - so inbetween the phone calls ( Im on an IT support desk ) Im catching up on T-Talk

 

[Karen]

Hi, Amelia,

@Cher69 has given you some great advice, and right now, I can't think of much to add to it --- except that I also send hugs and good wishes your way!! I know how hard it can be to cope with this elusive tinnitus thing we all share, and, ironically, the best way to cope with it is to ignore it. Hard to believe, but true!!

I've had tinnitus for over 25 years, in my right ear only, after sitting too close to the speakers at a club. The tinnitus never went away, but it was mild, and I had adjusted to it so that I hardly noticed it. But then, in 2010, I took a blood pressure drug for the first time, that set off my tinnitus on a much higher level, and made it almost unbearable. (I now have both ringing and pulsatile tinnitus). These past 3 years have been difficult, but I have found ways to cope that have made it easier to bear.

Yes, chiropractic and acupuncture are worth checking out. I tried acupuncture in the early days of my tinnitus, and it helped to calm me. I was very anxious and hopeless, like you are right now. I was shaking and in great despair. The acupuncturist listened to me, calmed me down, and helped me to feel better. He suggested magnesium chloride tablets, which I've been taking for a couple years now. Those have really helped me with sleep and to regain a general feeling of well-being.

I also tried going to a chiropractor; the one I went to was a chiropractic neurologist. The chiropractic neurologist is specialized in functions of the brain, which does influence tinnitus. He worked with me to improve my balance, and on the area of the brain that might be "misfiring" to cause the tinnitus. I still see him occasionally; my tinnitus is still there, but somewhat improved now.

At this point, the main thing you can do is to remain calm; find ways to get a good night's sleep, even if it means resorting to prescription drugs for awhile, then trying some calming supplements; and finding ways to distract yourself, to occupy your mind. It takes time, but these strategies really do work! Trust us!!

I'm so glad you've become a member of Tinnitus Talk! You've come to the right place. We are a supportive community, and together we'll help you get to a good place again. Hugs and best wishes, Karen

 

[5htp]

OP, there is still a chance your tinnitus will go away at this point, but keep in mind that if it doesn't, chances are in your favor that your tinnitus will become a non-issue given time. The vast majority of people with chronic tinnitus eventually turn out okay. "Learning to live with it" really isn't as bad as it seems.

There are people out there with tinnitus so loud they can hear it over music, heavy traffic, or even niagara falls, who are perfectly happy with their lives and are no longer bothered by their tinnitus. Habituation is a naturally occurring phenomena.

Valium is a benzodiazepine like xanax, but less potent, less addictive, and less dangerous. I wouldn't worry about taking it as per your doctors orders. Personally I would recommend clonazepam instead, but that's just my opinion. Benzos can help ease tinnitus distress in the short term for new sufferers. It may make those early days a lot easier.

Hang in there.

 

[Per]

Hang in there Amelia. We are many dealing with T around the world and we all have difficult days mixed in with days that feel better, as others have said here time will be on our side as science is getting closer to finding better ways to treat our condition. In the meantime we need to find our own ways of dealing with it, however there's a lot of knowledge here and you can read older posts to educate yourself on T also. That's good medicine for me, to read and learn from others and to share my own experiences too.

 

[Sherri786]

Hello Amelia , sorry to hear about your T, just reading your post reminded me of myself when I first got T few months back, Im still learning to live with it, but yes it does get better. The above posts are just great and I agree with them all.
These are the few things I'm doing these days and its helping to keep the volume down, am avoiding white sugar, sodas, caffeine, red chilli pepper, black pepper, drinking lots of water all day long, drinking camomile tea ( night blend ) for a good night's sleep and also taking some Chinese herbal pills for relaxing and sleeping and yes Cher 69, I read my first book this month since last March ! I also used to love reading sitting in some quiet corner, and I was so mad and upset with the T , I had thought I would never be able to read again. Amelia, hang in there we are all here to support you, hope you feel better soon and do please keep us updated. Take care.

 

[Karen]

Cher and Sherri --- I can relate to that, too, about being able to read again. I've always been an avid reader, but after the tinnitus struck, I couldn't stand to sit quietly, and to read anything at all was a real struggle. Now, however, I am back to reading again, and I'm proud to say (I keep a list of the books I read), I've completed 20 books in 2013!! I've just finished reading "Wuthering Heights", which I never read in high school.

The message here is: Yes, you CAN do the things you used to do before tinnitus. It may take time, but things will improve!!

 

[Eric]

Hello Amelia,

Yeah, it seems that T can be annoying. I've had T for a year and a half now. It happened in a matter of a couple of hours from hearing perfectly to a sever deafness replaced by tinnitus which is not only a single frequency. It is more like a waterfall background and fingernails screeching on a blackboard (See the audio link in the "information" section of my profile).

I think that avoidance, denial and hope for it to go away is a mistake. Mourn the silence you used to have and after that, accept that you may never find that silence again. Although, I think that with a single frequency, it can be masked at times.

After that, you need to learn to keep you mind in balance in front of Tinnitus. For that you need:

Right view
Here the right view would be to understand that your T may or may not go away but if you want it to go away, you won't be satisfied until it is gone, which may never happen. Your revulsion toward your T is the base of your distress, you need to change that.

Right intention
The right intention here would be your willingness to convince yourself that such an insignificant thing in life persepective will not get a handle on your life. Your life is what you make it. Your hapinness is what you make it. Sure you may want to find solutions but don't let your hapiness be related to finding these solutions. If you happend to find a solution or if your T goes away, great! But T may come back.

Right concentration
the right concentration is the mean to control your own mind. Take a baby and give him a scalpel, he will probably hurt himself because he is not aware of the danger, he does not have the dexterity to use it and he does not know what to do with it (right view). Give the same scalpel to a surgeon he will do miracles with it, we will save lives instead of hurting people around.

Where the surgeon has perfect control of his motor skills, you need to develop perfect control of your mind. You need to teach yourself not to let your mind wander, when you want it still. Meditation is the weight lifting exercise to achieve the right concentration. One pointedness concentration needs to be possible. To do that, learn mindfulness of the breath. You sit down in a up straight position not to fall asleep. put a timer for 10 minutes at first, rest your hands on your thighs and start observing you breath, the air on your nostrils comming in and out. Don't control your breath, just observe it. Don't observe with words. No words are needed here. Because you don't have the right concentration, your mind will drift away. As soon as you notice, acknoledge the thought you were having, let it go and come back to your breath. This is no bad meditation when it is done with the right intention.


Right effort/determination
This is the kick in the but that you give yourself to go forward and not fall into pitying for yourself.

Right mindfulness
When you gain a good concentration, you are now able to observe yourself like a scientific observes a subject. With you r mind not drifting, you can observe things as they are. With the one pointedness mind, you can start observing your tinnitus. Mine is very rich and always changing. You might even discover some frequencies you did not suspect. But while observing your T, if you feel distress or any emotional pain, try to find if that pain, this revulsion is associated with your desire for T to go away. Acknowledge this desire, take a deep belly breath and let it go. There is not point into this desire, it will only lead to more suffering.


Right speech

When you speak about your condition, try to make it something special. Try to make people aware about Tinnitus. make them listen to sounds of Tinnitus and teach other what you learned about T, how to protect themselves, how to cope with it.



Really there is no need for pills, no need for pity. T happens, it is part of nature, of our nature. T can not only make you a stronger person but also a more tolerant person and a more compassionate person. More tolerant because when you tach your mind to stay balanced with your T, you can pretty much stay balanced with anything else. More compassionate because when you will think back about how your T made you suffer, you won't want others to suffer like you did and you will know that there is a way out.


No pills? You want to strengthen you mind and pills like xanax and other pills will only make your mind softer.


Be compassionate for yourself. Learn to love yourself with whatever affliction you have. It will help you turning your love toward others with any affliction or problem they have. After a while you will learn to see other people's suffering and your T will make you smile.


Be patient and love yourself.

 

[Sherri786]

Love Wuthering Heights , Karen whatever English I know is thanks to all the books I used to read. When I first got T I was so scared of even looking at books and what I might feel if I tried reading ! When I moved to the small town where I am now, I would look longingly at the library every time we drove past it and my eyes would fill with tears lol, finally I got courage enough to walk in and get a library card and borrowed some books. Used to love sitting in libraries and book stores like chapters and read, but now I need a background white noise to be Able to read on spike days. Walks in nature wS a real torture at first as I so missed the quiet... But am getting used to that too now....

 

[Sherri786]

Great post Eric , sadly meditation is something I still haven't been able to go back to

 

[Eric]

Great post Eric , sadly meditation is something I still haven't been able to go back to

Why? Have you tried mindfulness of the Tinnitus? When one starts meditation, it is said that she should observe something that is easy to observe and over which she has no control. This is why breath is often chosen because breath rises and falls naturally without effort. Tinnitus is there, easy to observe and cannot be controlled. It is a nice object of mindfulness.

 

[Sherri786]

When I try to meditate with everything quiet around me, then I hear the T even more and that stresses or upsets me, to think of it as a nice object of mindfulness, wow will start giving that a try ! Thank you so much, Eric ,take care.

 

[Sherri786]

Karen, 20 books ! You inspire me as always, will start reading more ! thank you.

 

[Eric]

When I try to meditate with everything quiet around me, then I hear the T even more and that stresses or upsets me, to think of it as a nice object of mindfulness, wow will start giving that a try ! Thank you so much, Eric ,take care.

If you plan to use meditation for your t, here are a couple of advice:

If you do and feel stress during your meditation (usually at the diaphragm level) just make sure to acknowledge it, take a deep mindful breath and let go of the stress with your out breath with compassion for yourself (like the feeling you have when your child is crying and you want to comfort him). By acknowledging your stress, a real physical response at the level of your diaphragm, you will come to see that this awful feeling does not come from T itself, which is to you, only sound, but comes from your desire for T to go away. With concentration, you will be able to realize this when you observe yourself like a scientific with his subject. You will be able to see what happens at the moment it happens:

-T is.
-T becomes the subject of your awareness.
-T is associated with many negative things
-Our internal evaluator tells us that we want to get rid of that, this is not good.
-The physical response is send to your body for you to react.
-You realize that you cannot get rid of it. You stress more.

You will also be able to ask yourself:

-Is this the T that affects me or the desire for it to go away? T is only a sound like any other.
-Is it in my control? No.
-Can I do something about it? Sure but obviously if it still stresses me out, it is not working with perfection.

-Observe it again, breath and let it go.


With more concentration, because you have practiced to let go during meditation, you will more and more be able to let go of the desire (to get rid of the T) induced stress during normal life and will be happier. With practice you will also be able to catch the desire before it rises to cause stress and just go back to whatever you were doing before you noticed your T.

With time, you may even be able to use your T as a grounding manifestation in stressful situations. I can always count on my T to be there, full blast even in the noisiest situation.

 

[Sherri786]

Wow thank you so much Eric ! Love what you wrote above ! Will start practicing and see how it goes. I'm going to
Note it down in my journal.
Thanks once again. Best wishes.

 

[Leah]

Thank you Eric, how do you mediate? Do you use a record script?
Fantastic post today is so so screaming

 

[Sherri786]

Leah sometimes a very long walk and a very very long and hot shower quietens my T .

 

[Eric]

Thank you Eric, how do you mediate? Do you use a record script?
Fantastic post today is so so screaming

Leah, I do not use a record script or anything like that. But I do set an intention, especially if I want to resolve something with my mind. For instance, I will set an intention to meditate twice a day for 45 minutes for 2 months and set the intention to be mindful of the problem I want to solve.

As for the how I meditate, I am not sure of the essence of the question.

I feel that the original thread was hijacked. I am sorry for that. In which section of the forum should a "T and meditation" thread should be started? alternative treatment or support?

 

[Leah]

It sounds so promising why not both?
I guess I am asking what worked for you to learn meditaion.
A web site? CD,DVD instructions if you will.
Thanks Eric

 

[Leah]

Leah sometimes a very long walk and a very very long and hot shower quietens my T .

Thank you Sherri, will give your suggestions a try. Need some coping techniques for these bad days.

 

[Eric]

It sounds so promising why not both?
I guess I am asking what worked for you to learn meditaion.
A web site? CD,DVD instructions if you will.
Thanks Eric

I want to warn you that meditation is only a single aspect of balancing your mind in front of T. Meditation in itself will give you the ability to concentrate but that is pretty much it. Like a skier needs good legs, he will go to the gym and strengthen his leg. But going to the gym and strengthening the leg will not make you a good skier. There are other aspects.

For that the approach is more important than meditation itself. To realize that the source of your stress or irritation toward T is not T itself, is more important than meditation. Meditation alone won't reveal this. This can be realized without meditation.

That said, don't fall into over-complicating meditation.

-Find a timer (I use my ipad with a meditation timer)
-Find a quiet time to meditate (even if quiet is a weird concept with T)
-Find a quiet room.
-Find a time when you are awakened. You don't want to doze.
-Find a up straight sitting posture. I sit cross-legged on a zafu an a zabuton.
-Have no expectation, only intention. The intention to do nothing but what you set your meditation to be. If it is awareness of the breath, keep your awareness to the breath, if it itches, go back to your breath, if you think about something important, back to the breath. Your mind WILL fight with your will. Make your will the winner, not the monkey mind.
-Set the timer for a reasonable sitting time and stick to it. 10-15 minutes at at time at first, until you feel comfortable to go longer
- Close your eyes and observe your breath. And no matter where you mind brings you, go back to observing your breath. (this is the weight lifting for your concentration)
-When the bell rings at the end of the session, take the time to thank yourself for taking care of yourself.


Meditation is not a miracle. It won't make your T disappear. It is not magic, nor mystic. It is you observing yourself, developing one-pointedness concentration. That is pretty much it.

You might experiment many hindrances during your meditation. But with the right effort and right intention, you will be more and more concentrated.

I learned meditation in "mindfulness in plain english".

Hope this helps.

 

[Sherri786]

Thank you Eric, appreciate it !

 

[object16]

hi, i'm a fellow Canadian, and real bad tinnitus is very dreadful, however, your tinnitus will get much easier to tolerate by using sound therapy. you need to go around all the time with an MP3 player or something, and I use the soundtrack called Restful Rain, that you can buy as a digital file. Just keep the volume slightly lower than the tinnitus, and also play it all night through some speakers in your bedroom, or even try a sound pillow, they apparently are also good. Don't worry about taking meds short term - these will put you to sleep which is essential for healing to take place. I'm actually on 5 meds, but I don't worry about it, because at least i can keep going. I just cope whatever way I can, and I actually needed meds or i would get zero sleep, which is bad for me if i need to work (and i do). over a period of several months or even up to 2 years you gradually get habituated so don't worry about the short term, each one day is a victory, and most always it gets easier to take with time. Make absolutely sure you get no harmful noise what so ever. I went for dental work, and the tooth grinding process almost finished me off, the tinnitus was so bad afterward. that was 2 weeks ago, and today, while not completely better, i'm a whole lot better.

 

[jazz]

Cher and Sherri --- I can relate to that, too, about being able to read again. I've always been an avid reader, but after the tinnitus struck, I couldn't stand to sit quietly, and to read anything at all was a real struggle. Now, however, I am back to reading again, and I'm proud to say (I keep a list of the books I read), I've completed 20 books in 2013!! I've just finished reading "Wuthering Heights", which I never read in high school.

The message here is: Yes, you CAN do the things you used to do before tinnitus. It may take time, but things will improve!!

Quite inspiring! And your love of reading has undoubtedly helped your tinnitus--not just your response to the tinnitus. From what I've read, exercising your mind helps to decrease your tinnitus awareness. It lowers the volume. Reading and other mental exercises are part of a "top down" approach to tinnitus treatment--using your consciousness to help extinguish the signal from your awareness.

I'm also not surprised that you're so well read!

 

[Karen]

Thanks, @jazz!

Over these past three years, one of the things that has helped me survive has been mental exercise: Reading, writing, working crossword puzzles, playing internet games, etc. On the days when my tinnitus was at its worst, I was unable to read, but I did manage to handle games and puzzles. They helped me keep my sanity.

I really believe that mental, and physical, exercise helps with habituation.

 

[ShiningStar]

Hang in there. I PROMISE that it gets better. Find my post in the introduce yourself forum, I shared there all that I did to get through those horrible first few months. I am 5 months in and I can honestly tell you that while I still have T, it is virtually a non-issue for me. Honestly, I rarely if ever notice it!

 

[Cher69]

Amelia I've just read your posts again the worries with your children must have given you so much stress and worry that with your own sinus problems you battled I'm sure it all added to the T you now have. Lots of reports on here about stress and T and the anxiety it causes makes it all worse ! Keep strong and I'm sure the ENT will reassure you and maybe even you could find it goes away some people report this I'm hoping mine does one day !! Keep us posted on the ENT appointment and I'm happy to read your children are better from your post

In a way replying to your post has also given me a reminder about how to get through my wobble with sleep at the moment and my T being an annoying pest so your helping me too !! Cher x

 

[Leah]

Hang in there. I PROMISE that it gets better. Find my post in the introduce yourself forum, I shared there all that I did to get through those horrible first few months. I am 5 months in and I can honestly tell you that while I still have T, it is virtually a non-issue for me. Honestly, I rarely if ever notice it!

Wow, I live for that day. Thanks for posting a positive story on T.