Past Lurker, Present Poster, Permanent Victim

I'm not really sure where to start, to be perfectly honest. I hope you'll all bear with me as I stumble my way through this introduction.

If you look at my bio, you'll see that I don't really know what caused my tinnitus, initially, or how long I've really had it. Even when I was as young as 8 years old, I remember telling my parents about this ringing in my ear that nobody else could hear. But, thankfully, it has always (until recently) been such a mild case that I could never even hear it unless it was almost completely silent.

I used to have a lot of ear infections as a child. Really bad ear infections that required trips to the hospital. I remember being given ear tubes for a time (which did little to combat the ear infections, if I recall, but I think I have to ask my parents about that, as I cannot remember).

It was in October of last year, 2020, that I had a sudden spike/flare up of tinnitus. It went down a little bit, but since then it appears to have remained at a higher volume than it was at previously. As I'm sure many of you can attest, this caused a great deal of distress and anguish for me. I'm not sure if it ever subsided or if I just got used to it at the new volume, but ever since that flare up, I still notice it when attempting to sleep. Thankfully, it's still just barely tolerable enough that it does not seem to stop me from sleeping. I think it took a month before it either calmed down or I got used to it.

Two or three days ago, I had another minor (?) flare up. I cannot tell if it went back down to the base volume it was at before, or if it just drew my attention to it, but I cannot stop paying attention to it now. If I get distracted and truly forget that it's there, it's more than loud enough to remind me.

Thankfully, as far as I can tell, my hearing is not damaged. I haven't seen an audiologist in a long time, but I was always told my hearing was fine, so I don't think it's that. I am currently not on health insurance due to being a contractor that missed my open-enrollment period, and am waiting for the next one. I will likely have insurance sometime mid-October.

It's hard to describe how I'm feeling at the moment because my state of mind is constantly changing. One moment, it doesn't seem so bad. The next, I'm literally contemplating suicide and only refraining from it because it will impact my family and friends. I've been flip-flopping like this for the past 2 days and I'm not sure how to feel at this point.

I did lurk on this forum during the flareup last year, but once I was able to tolerate it/it went back down, I didn't want to keep reminding myself that I had this problem and would rarely visit the forum. As I'm sure many of you can imagine, I'm fairly desperate right now.

P.S. I nearly forgot to mention that my jaw is out of its socket or loose on my left side, which I've had since I was a teen. I am not sure if that counts as a TMJ issue that may be relevant or not, but I thought it'd be best to include that. I also saw a post somewhere talking about modulation of tinnitus by clenching one's jaw, which is also true for me (to my surprise, as I have never tried this).

 

@David Newton, sorry to learn that you are struggling. I will write to you tomorrow, as I’ve only just seen your post, and I am about to go to bed.

Hopefully others will see/read your post and reply to you in the mean time.

Steph x

 

Thanks @Steph1710.

It's no trouble, as I have been fairly busy the past few days.

 

Sorry about your suffering with us.

I don’t really have something to contribute and I guess many feel the same way since there’s little response. But I do know the feeling about flip flopping. One evening you think it will be all right in the end, because the noises feels more stable or easier to deal with.
Next morning thinking about taking the elevator to the roof instead of car park...

Hope it gets easier for you.

Perhaps check out if a dentist got any advice. Clenching, posture, TMJ and worrying is a no no!