POSITIVE UPDATE!

Well, let me first off state that this update isn't all completely positive. I'm currently sitting in my bed missing school because tinnitus and anxiety kept me up from 3am to 10am. Finally got an hour of sleep.

So, I think sometimes it's important to read positive things about tinnitus. We always read scary and depressing posts about it and how horrible it is. Which this is exactly what this support forum is for, but I'm just hoping with this I can help someone feel a little better about their situation.

Last week, I had a brain MRI to look for a tumor. Obviously I was extremely nervous. And they told me I was having an MRI two weeks before it was scheduled, so I had two weeks of freaking out and creating scary scenarios in my head. I was also terrified that the noise would irriate the tinnitus. But to my surprise, it ended up being completely okay! The nurses were super supportive and helped me stay calm throughout the whole thing. It lasted about an hour. The results came back and I am completely healthy (besides being deaf in my ear). No tumor. Huge relief !

There was a school Halloween dance last Saturday. I was so so nervous that I would hurt my ear in the dance that I almost backed out. Last time I went to a party it left me in a panic attack and a spike in tinnitus. But I have missed seeing my friends because of health issues that I decided to suck it up and go. I took my Valium medication before I went, and I ended up having a blast! Weirdly enough, my t almost seemed quieter after.... has anyone ever had that happen to them? I have been able to attend two parties and so far tinnitus has always seemed quieter after. I always remember to wear earplugs and stay away from speakers. I'm fine dancing and enjoying the party in the back. I also take regular breaks to go to the bathrooms to get away from noise.

Anyway, I guess by writing this post I just wanted to say that I spend so much time worrying. Worrying that I might not ever have a normal life again and that the t is gonna rule my life forever. But then I have to tell myself I am control of my life. Not tinnitus. ME. Sometimes when I read such depressing things online I tell myself that because other people are feeling that way that I automatically am going to feel that way too. But the more you focus on yourself and take less of the internet you feel better. That's my conclusion. What are your opinions? Also- not saying I don't have terrible days. I have had plenty of them. Like today. Can't seem to get rid of my anxiety and mind off of the annoying tinnitus.

Here's me after the Halloween school dance with one of my best friends. HAPPY!! Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be. I wasn't focused on the tinnitus so much.

 

You are still so young and so much life ahead of you. Are you wearing hearing aids at all? Would they help with the deaf ear and tinnitus?

I noticed that when I spent time at the mall or places where it’s active and noisy, the tinnitus seems to be calmer afterwards as well. I am not sure if it’s because I’ve got my attention focused elsewhere or the brain is filled with constant bombardments of activity that it’s not focus on the tinnitus itself. I have no clue. But your Halloween pics look beautiful! I hope you keep your hopes up and that one day, you find strength in all of this.

Does your dr give you valium to take to help dec the anxiety or he thinks it'll help with the tinnitus?

 

Just like to ask. Which girl is you in your profile pic?

 

Thank you so much for your response. I am going to get my hearing tested again in December and if I show no improvement I will get fitted for a hearing aid. In a strange way I am excited for that. So weird. Although I feel so much deafer today I can see a change- not sure if it was from a party I went to yesterday but i'm pretty freaked out. I hope someday I can live a happy life without the worry and fear of my health. Doc gave me medicine for my dizziness when I first had gone deaf because I couldn't keep my balance at all. I never really took it so I have a lot left over that I use for anxiety on occasion.

 

Blonde....

 

It's terrible that you've gotten hearing loss at such a young age. At what rating of how loud would you say your tinnitus is?

 

Really happy to read this!

I am a student and don't go out a lot, because I am scared to damage my ears. It is really a pity, because I really like to go to bars, a party, etc. , but when I go, I am so anxious afterwards, for at least 7 days..

I hope someday I will be less scared to go!

 

It is so nice to hear positive post about you with hearing and T. I'm glad you enjoyed your Halloween evening. The hearing aids will help you they help with masking and hearing. Keep anxiety under control it would be easier for you going on with life.

 

Definitely changes depending on the day. I would say on a normal day maybe a 3-4 unless it changes to high pitched which is like a 6.

 

Trust me, if anyone understands it's me...

Just be patient with yourself. I COMPLETELY understand the anxiety after going out. Seems like everything is so much worse after, even if it is just in your head. The best advice I can say is take it slowly and day by day. Find out what is most important to you in the moment. Right now, what might make you happiest is staying in and taking care of your ears. Which is completely fine! You may feel differently in a couple months and you can try go out then. Or not. Your anxiety level is extremely important right now. I think surrounding yourself around people who are compassionate towards your situation is also crucial. But seriously, you will be able to enjoy the things you love again. It might be different. You might not listen to music as loud as before or go to as many bars as you used to, but it doesn't mean you can't still enjoy those things. I've found that earplugs help my anxiety a TON. I carry them with me all of the time, even if i'm just going to school or out on an errand. It helps me feel like i'm protecting my ear. Also, it's not the most ideal situation, but when going to really loud places i've worn earplugs and noise canceling headphones. You might feel dumb, but what's more important? Looking cool, or enjoying a situation stress free and protecting your ears? Only you have to deal with what's going on in your head. Anyway, i'm rambling. I just relate completely. If you ever wanna connect or talk feel free to hit me up! Sending love and positive vibes your way.

 

Thank you for your kind message!!

My case is a little strange: I really think that I have tinnitus for years. I remember when I was around 17 (I am 21 now) that I would hear sometimes a beep when I was in bed. I thought it was because I have been to a couple concert (front row) but the beep didn't make me anxious or something. Then, January 10, 2016 (I was just 20) I laid in bed and I heard a beep again. I realized the beep was kinda loud. I wasn't really panicking, I just realized that there was a beep (just like when I was 17, but it seemed a little louder). The next couple days I googled and read about people who couldn't live with their tinnitus. I realized that the beep I heard made some people suicidal and I panicked. From that moment, there isn't a day I don't think about my T.

Since 6 months, I am doing great! The beep doesn't really bother me and it is probably related to my jaw, neck and shoulders.

The only thing that is really bothering me, is that going to a party or bar really is a problem (as you understand). I wish that after 1 year and 9 months of T, I would not be scared anymore, but it is still in me. I have been to a couple of party's, but just as I said, I am so anxious afterwards. I wear custom made earplugs, so that is really good.

I know some people in real life with T and they go out without earplugs. But the other day I read a thread about someone who went out after a month he had T and his T became a lot worse... Such stories make me feel like I take a really big risk by going out. I know it would be better to just stop going to places where the music is loud, but going to a party, bar, club, etc. makes my feel so happy, even weeks after I still smile when I think about the night I went out.

I just need to find a balance, but it is really hard.

Again: thank you for your kind words and you can always message me!!