Positiveness Before I Come Off of This

So as previously mentioned, I'm 23 years old and from going through what happened in the lead up before this happened, I believe it was the alarm going off in my car where for the minute that I drove home without a seatbelt on as the noise gets increasingly louder the longer it goes on.

I have been obsessing over this forum for days looking through threads and although I think it's wonderful to not feel alone I have not let myself stop thinking about it and trying to listen out for it constantly.

The ironic thing is, that I feel like I want to be able to speak about it to someone who would just listen but at the same time I don't want to speak about it because I want to forget about it. Ironic eh?

Anyway I'm really hoping that I can start forgetting about this and was wondering if there was any positive advice you all had before I come off of the forum.

I would really appreciate it.

SA

 

Well I'm at 3.5 months now... best advice, and it ain't much help, but best advice I've received is "fake it until you make it"... with a strong dose of patience. Basically convince yourself that the tinnitus doesn't bother you. And it's tough because it's always there, I mean I'm not 100% there yet but I'm drastically different than 2 months ago based on this advice... big difference...

 

Hi @RonnieCarzatto

Thank you for the post, it really does feel nice to talk to other people on here.

I'm absolutely strucken by it. I read your profile and agree too that I really was loving life before this, a little stressed (I'm a girl so tend have it naturally haha) but still very happy.

I really do hope that I will be able to get used to this and smile and really actually smile not feeling sad behind it.

I forgot to mention perhaps the basics that my T went from my left ear to my right ear and every nice and then goes to my head. Just trying not to feel too gutted about what happened because I know I can't change it.

I have had two views, one I feel sad and the other thinking I really cannot let this stop me living my life, I mean even with you your only 31 years old and any age you get this is awful but bearing in mind I have so much ahead of me I'm just trying to cope and your advice is actually what I will be trying to do, Iv already been thinking that is probably the best thing to do.

Can I just ask how you have found it more so lately, are you more relaxed and do you have moments you forget about it?

 

Well, the first month was hell, no two ways about it. It started at the worst possible time, I was on vacation in Quebec visiting my family for a wedding, and the drive there I noticed the ringing in my right ear. I figured, eh, it'll go away. Well, the next 7 days at my grandparents' place proved otherwise. When I realised it wasn't going away, I had what I can only describe as a panic attack. I must have looked nuts to my friends, family, and co-workers. From their point of view, it was a total personality change. I called in sick all the time at work, obsessing over this loud tone in my right ear. I had a very mild head injury a few weeks before it began, but I kept telling myself it couldn't be that... but could it? Who knows at this point. I have gone to one too many concerts as well in my life and was perpetually glued to my headphones blasting Korn and Oasis at high volumes as well.

Nonetheless I obsessed over the noise, Googled like crazy, and was completely unable to sleep. I was always on edge and life seemed pointless, the darkest depression I have ever known. Anxiety was my new friend. I quit smoking, switched to decaf coffee, and cut out booze, and I didn't even indulge that much in any of those things prior. I blew money on chiropractors, acupuncture, and bio energetic testing, hoping and praying for either a cure, or relief, something! Or for the noise to just go away. It consumed my life for the next few months, and combine that with the lack of sleep, I was absolutely crushed.

They say time is a great healer and in some cases I believe that. I got my hearing tested, no hearing loss which while it drove my nuts (because I'm thinking what is causing this???), put me at some ease. I still have my hearing. Then, one night, I achieved sleep on my own. A small victory to build from (there were many mental setbacks I assure you). And I guess as time goes on, my attitude towards this went from manic, to angry, to depressed, to slightly annoyed. I think I'm at a point now where I'm almost, almost indifferent. I still hear it, but there's not much I can do about it. Your brain I think adapts to it.

To answer your question, I'm more relaxed, more like my old self (about 80% there), not obsessing as much over the noise. I had a moment today while I was walking by the beach in front of my house and it hit me, oh damn, I hadn't checked out TinnitusTalk instinctively like I always do. That was a bit of an "a-ha!" moment. I'm back to playing my old sports and I never gave up my other hobbies like movies and meeting my friends at the pub. I'm not where I want to be just yet but if it's any consolation, if you were to tell me 3.5 months ago this is where I would be mentally and coping wise, I would have laughed like an evil villain and told you to get the f*** out of my face.

Also! My doctor was useless and this reinforced why fake it till' you make it was all I have, but I would not rule out a visit. Because, there's always things like eustachian tube dysfunction that can cause it, or maybe a neuromuscular dentist to rule out jaw problems (all closely connected, can pinch auditory nerve). My doctor, he only wanted to give me clonazepam, which with a quick Google search, I refused to take. I am still awaiting on an ENT visit though, just to rule out anything else major.

 

@RonnieCarzatto

I have my referral form to ENT just need to schedule one now.

I will actually be coming off this now because I as I say I don't think it's doing me any good. It would be good to catch up with you in due course.

I hope to hear some improvement from you. It really is true that this is the type of condition you just don't know about until you get it and then with that comes the constant anxiety listening out for it.

I think all we can do is distract ourselves for now and I have actually donated to The British Tinnitus Association, as of course i now believe that in order to have some available treatment that isn't the 'just live with it' we all need to donate. Imagine just donating £1 even if we all did it just once a month would make a huge difference.

SA

 

@SA93 Yeah I've begun donating to the American counterpart. There is some exciting research on the horizon though. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm hoping another few months will fully bring back my old self.

Best luck and be patient, all will be well in due time.

 

@RonnieCarzatto

Thanks and you, good luck.

Speak soon.