Sound Distortion

Discussion in 'Support' started by Ilija, Mar 10, 2015.

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    1. Ilija

      Ilija Member

      Jagodina, Serbia
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud gig/year of loud headphone usage.
      So after having some people yell very loudly next to me I got myself some hearing distortion where some sounds caused a sickly hard part of the sponge rubbing on metal sound that really bothers me most of the time.
      So then it kicked up and now I can't listen to music or without some hearing distortion.
      As I understand it either goes or doesn't but however way you cut it RIGHT NOW I am so pissed off and angry at everything that I can't find a single thing I want to do so here I am ranting once more.
      You know in my 8 months of anguish, anger, anxiety, stress, paranoia, fear, and general high mental instability and about being done losing all of my past personality (cheerfulness, being easy going, not caring about anything much really, being happy for more than a day) my tinnitus has gotten better, MY FUCKING EARS have not.
      Sorry for the little outburst of profanity as you can imagine I am not having an easy time by any definition of the word.
      It's just more sounds no one else hears, more sensitivity and NOW DISTORTION YAY!
      I'm about 3-4 things away from being the poster boy of what ONE, I repeat ONE BAD CALL in life can do to you.
      I swear, I can't listen to music without being reminded of my condition, can't go out without being reminded of my condition, can't even talk because apparently my voice at times bothers my ears GREAT.
      But you know how it is, BE POSITIVE, STOP CARING, STOP MONITORING.

      You know I have a perfect picture depicting my current situation and what most of you here would have me do.
      You want me to go "Yeah even though I can't even listen to music and I have to wear earplugs when I BLOW DRY MY HAIR and I can't yell anymore and people around me can't yell anymore and I can't ever sleep in silence anymore and I hate my life and I hate everything around me and I'm slowly but surely losing my faith in God as my life gets progressively worse and there's still no cure still no hey you can fuck up your life if you don't wear earplugs to gigs warnings, the only treatment and I use treatment in the most minimalistic view imaginable, is expensive as hell for me, and I can't even go to a football game, can't focus anymore because I hate my life and I don't want to think about studying for that entry exam when I want to kill myself" with all that you want me to say, It's fine it'll pass it'll get better I will get better, in 15 years I won't hate my life IF there comes out a cure.
      But hey I COULD HAVE IT WORSE RIGHT, that's the beauty of this condition YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY ALWAYS HAVE IT WORSE UNTIL YOU COMPLETELY LOSE YOUR HEARING AND HAVE ULTRA TINNITUS, THEN YOU HAVE IT AS WORSE AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, and then you know what you can do? you can either fool yourself thinking it's still a life if you continue to live like that OR you can kill yourself and either that be the end or go to hell if this "God" who doesn't do shit all day actually exists.
      So yeah life is great right? yeah? GREAT I LOVE LIFE.
    2. luka

      luka Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Hi Illija,

      You really made me laugh with this picture :) I'ts really awesome..

      But I know what you mean, I've actually had even worse accident.. I've lost around 70% of hearing on one ear due to an one loud shout of some person standing next to me. You can see my audiogram in the introduction page. So imagine the distortions.. I've also acquired a exquisitely loud tinnitus sound that accompanies me all the time wherever I go.. It's 7 months since accident.

      Does this sux ? Absolutely,
      Is this fair ? Of course not..

      But you know what... life is not fair. And sometimes events occurs that are out of our hands. And this is one of those things.. You can't control the weather, so no point in being angry when you get wet when the storm occurs :) We will all be dead soon enough due to our short life span, so no point in shortening it. I believe life is like a movie, it ends quickly but it can be awesome or shitty. It's your choice..

      I think that you're now in the spiral of self pity and anger and you'll have to drag yourself out of it, because it's like a quick sand - the more time you are in it the harder is pull yourself out of it. You said that the only treatment you take "is expensive as hell" for you. If I were you I'd start making a plan today on how to improve my financial standing (Start company, get extra shifts, rob a bank (just a joke :))) ) so that you can afford the best health care (like steam cells or gene therapy. ) any maybe improve your condition. Or even fund research center that deals with hearing restore & tinnitus. We are in 21 centuries and this is not impossible anymore..Remember, if you have nothing to lose, you have everything to win. And believe me, when you are totally focused into solution you kind of forget about the problem. I've probably have tinnitus with intensity of 8 or 9 out of 10 scale, but when I'm fully focused on something I forget about it. Our brains are really awesome.

      I wish you to get out of this quick sand as soon as possible,

      Best wishes,

      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. @Ilija I hear you and understand your anger and suffering. It is a terrible affliction that none of us would want to deal with at any time. I remember when my first husband died unexpectedly in a climbing accident thinking that life isn't fair at all. A well-meaning friend told me "Hey, fare is what you pay on a bus." I have suffered many unfairnesses since then, and with this T, I have to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I want my life back too, and I have never given up on finding something that will work for me. An renowned surgeon told me to let the anger out, and that keeping it in will only make it worse. Don't give up! There is something out there that will work for you. This affliction is not a one-size-fits-all model. There are no standard recipes and no quick fixes. My heart goes out to you.
    4. bwspot

      bwspot Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Did you ever consider seeing ent or audiologist to get it checked?

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