Spike from Having a Partner Who Causes Too Many Arguments and Stress

Hi all,

I had a big tinnitus spike from some intense arguments with my partner over 2 weeks ago. The spike hasn’t gone down and I’m scared it won’t – I got my tinnitus originally years ago from a period of intense anxiety and stress (not argument related), which is why I’m worried these arguments with my partner has caused permanent damage.

What do you all think? Do I have a chance of it going down if it hasn’t yet?
Usually my spikes after an argument all last a few days to a week, but never over 2 weeks.

I won’t go into the details of the arguments or my relationship, but the crux of my issue is that my partner is very argumentative, stubborn and will drag me into arguments that can last hours.

I always stay calm and try and remove myself from any stressful situation with her, or when I can sense her getting more and more argumentative. However she follows me from room to room around the house and corners me (literally) to continue her arguing at me. This can go on for a while, until I feel so trapped in the corner I start to feel myself getting angry – I then finally lose my cool after my patience has run out and shout back. Obviously this makes things 100x worse and suddenly I'm the bad guy who has to apologise. This makes me incredibly worked up and upset, making my tinnitus worse – I feel like some sort of trapped animal who bites back.

She knows my tinnitus gets worse with stress or after having arguments, but when she is angry she does not care at all. She even screams and I have to put my fingers over my ears half the time. Neither does she care after she has cause the spike – she genuinely does not care.

Any advice regarding the spike would be much appreciated.

Thank you all,
R

 

The answer to your problem is not simple but, if someone else wrote this post what would you advise them to do? I think I know the answer.

 

Get rid of her ASAP...this person is not a good match for someone in your situation.
Even if your spike subsides (which it probably will), it's only a matter of time before she will cause you to have another one...and that could be the one which won't.

This person obviously does not give two shits about your well being..time to return the favour and cut your losses.
Sorry for the harsh assessment, but reading these stories makes my blood boil.

 

This is a common generic issue IMO. As in the way women argue. Its not about winning the argument they just want the last word. Since the beginning of time men and women have interacted like this. However you need to make her aware that it has a terrible effect on you and that it cant continue. I have many friends who have the same issue and from time to time I do also. A quick ultimatum that you will no longer be able to cohabit if this carries on should do it.
It should bring her to her senses.

 

Trust me there are women out there that are not like this.

I once had a girlfriend in college that stayed home all day while I went to school and then worked in a butcher shop in the evenings, I would come home exhausted and smelling like meat. I would take a shower and sometimes not dry off all the way and she would see water on my back and say, "who taught you to dry off! Damn your bitch of a mother fucked you up!"

 

Jesus christ!

 

I dated a fat girl once, she was rude about my appearance on the first date. She would often put me down and once I jokingly said one thing about her looking like something because of the way she was acting and she immediately gouged a deep scratch down my back with her finger or nail nails really hard. I noted that she was a fat girl because I have not met many fat girls who are nice. They all seem to be insecure with fragile whilst puttng others down to make their selves feel better.

I dump women who start giving me **** pretty promptly.

 

Thank you for all the advice guys. She hasn’t improved. If anything she’s got worse.

Recently, she has shouted at me for two days straight, and I have had two spikes in a row each day. The spikes have not subsided and feel very intense and I cannot sleep.

I really hope the spike goes away, but I’m so worried now about it being permanent. I hope it subsided and this one is truly horrible.

I try everything in my power to stay calm in life and keep my tinnitus at bay, but she always bulldozes though and makes things so much harder.

I’ve asked her to leave, but she refuses to move out. She’s a narcissist and refuses help.

Anyway, what do you think about the spike?

 

I recently posted about how the stress from a friendship / relationship spiked my tinnitus. I think you need to sort out your relationship problems and then your tinnitus will improve. Stress is known to worsen tinnitus symptoms. How you can sort out the relationship, I think only you can answer that.

 

Thank you @Tweaker
Yes, that I know I do. It’s very difficult.

Can I ask if your spike subsided in the days/weeks/months following your spike from that stress?

Many thanks
R

 

Move out, yourself then.

I find it difficult to believe someone arguing will worsen tinnitus unless they are always yelling but it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship anyway.

Tinnitus is already stressful enough without adding an unsupportive partner.

 

If it is your home put her stuff on the porch and change the locks. If it is a shared expense apartment or something like that then load your stuff up and hit the road.

 

I really hope you end this relationship and free yourself. Be strong and walk away. Life is too short.

 

Serve her an eviction notice and don't let her play games with your head. Begin the process and follow through.

 

It is a little weird and not something either sex could tolerate. Cortisol goes out the roof. Of course stress like this could be a trigger to spike T, your thinking and everything else. Heated debates or discussions are normal, and healthy at times, but following you room to room all the time is insane. Obviously something's off and to be fair this is one-sided. These days it seems there's about 4 main things people who cohabit together mostly argue on. Ability to work them out depends on compatibility, responsibility, compromise of some sort to handle the stressful issues. Look at @Jazzer!

Maybe you've changed from this horrible T. disease?...and unsurprisingly, both of you hate it.

 

@Rust -- Once a narcissist, always a narcissist. So says my wife anyway, who happens to be a professional counselor and is quite aware of how intractable these kinds of "personality disorders" can be. It seems clear this woman will cause you unending problems with your tinnitus--and so much more--as long as you're with her. So I guess you have to ask yourself how soon you should take all the necessary steps to get this person out of your life? I'm in line with others on this board whose message for that timetable is: "Pronto!".

 

Hi Kasart - I saw my name flagged up but couldn’t quite see my relevance to this story?
Can I help here...?
xx

 

Wise words!

 

Yes it improved within days but unfortunately work related stress has increased it again. Stress seems to affect my T more these days than it did at the beginning.

 

Hi @Jazzer - You came to mind because of your wonderful connection with your wife over many years AND also suffering with tinnitus. Thought maybe you'd have some helpful suggestions that you do or use in the relationship dept. as a de-stressor? But then again, it does require a patient, compassionate partner and some things are just not meant to be. Sorry, I couldn't be of much help.