Starting All Over Again

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by ct1, Jan 15, 2013.

    1. ct1

      ct1 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Hi all,

      I'm feeling pretty down at the moment with my tinnitus so I thought I'd join and hopefully get some support. This forum looks to be a nice place.

      I'm 28 and I've had tinnitus for about 3 years I think. I'll apologise in advance for the wall of text.

      It all started when I went to a gig one night with my brother. He lives in a different city and came home one weekend to see a band play in a local cafe/bar.

      I'm not a big gig goer or clubber or whatever. I probably only been to 4 gigs ever and clubbing really isn't my scene.

      Anyway, we went to this bar where the bands were playing really loudly. Most likely well above safe levels, but I didn't think that at the time, and everybody else there seemed to enjoy themselves so I stayed.

      When the band he wanted to see came up, we went up a bit closer. The lead singer then started encouraging everyone to gather up closer to them, so then everyone in the crowd started shuffling closer, including myself... We were pretty much standing right next to the band.

      The set only lasted about 10 minutes and we left straight afterwards. I noticed that my ears felt they were under water. All sounds were muffled and I also had some ringing in the ears. I've had this before after the rare times I've been clubbing so I didn't think much of it.

      The next day I still had the ringing, but I also noticed though that there was some blood or something similar on my pillow; I must have perforated my ear drum.

      Everything also started to sound extremely loud - I was sensitive to everything. Popping holes in a microwavable meal made my ears feel they were going to explode.

      I also noticed my balance was out. Standing in the shower I would sometimes stumble backwards a step. I would also subconsciously bite down a lot. I don't know if that is normal or not!

      A couple of days after that night, with the ringing in my ears still there I started to really panick. I had heard of tinnitus before when I was much younger and I remember thinking to myself 'that really, really sucks, I hope I never get that'. The irony.

      Day after day, week after week I hoped with everything I had that the ringing would just disappear, but it didn't. I got false sense of hope every morning where I found that just as I woke up I could hear silence, but the noise soon came back. I felt so down.

      I booked an appointment to see a doctor and he had a look in my ear, but he could find nothing wrong, not even signs of a perforated ear drum, but I guess it had healed by then.

      I confirmed to myself that I definitely had tinnitus.

      It really, really sucked, but I decided one day that it is what it is and I should get on with my life. I don't know how long it took, but I got used to the ringing and I habituated (I think the term is).

      I knew the sound was there, but it didn't bother me that much, even in a quiet room. I could listen for it for a few seconds and think to myself 'yeah, it sucks' and then straight away I would think of something else.

      I believe the ringing was only or predominantly in my left ear and there is definitely a volume decrease in that ear. The right one I considered my 'good' ear.

      Life was fine. I didn't even mind noisy environments like the cinema. I even went to see Jenson Button do an F1 car display with no further effects! Not so long ago I went on holiday and had a brilliant time.

      The main reason I'm posting though is because of something stupid I did about two weeks ago.

      I was at work and had to go to another site to do some work. I jumped into a work car and started the engine. I normally have the radio on like most people do, but it wasn't playing so without looking at it I started dialling the volume knob up. Suddenly... 'boom'. It took a little while for the radio to kick in for some reason.

      Straight away I turned the volume all the way down. It was literally only for a split second, but I guess that's all it takes.

      Now my tinnitus is dialled up and I believe my right ear is also hearing it. The sound, which I used to be able to ignore is now a much higher tone and louder. I can hear it over music I play on my laptop with a volume I used to be comfortable with. Of course I'm hearing it very clearly now while I'm typing this.

      The radio in the work cars are aftermarket ones with sat nav and bluetooth built in. Honestly I don't like them because they are really not user friendly, and now I hate them!

      At first the tinnitus was only slightly louder, but as the days went on it got progressively louder. I could feel some slight pressure in my right ear, and it's slightly sensitive although not as bad as the first time around. I'm subconsciously biting down again (don't know if it's related).

      My left ear sounds the worse, and the right, I'm sure is hearing it too.

      And that is where I am at the moment. I was at a point where I was fine with my tinnitus, but now I'm back to the start, possibly worse all because of a stupid mistake.

      I hope to habituate again. I've done it before and I hope I can do it again. The ringing sounds so much worse though. I don't know if it is the same as when I first experienced it and if it ever decreased. I really don't know. I remember thinking the first time that the sound was unbearable, but I got used to it.

      Has anyone ever done something similar to myself? Will the ringing go back to the previous level?

      What worries me the most is that I'm 28 (hopefully with many years ahead of me). If I manage to habituate again will I make another stupid mistake? Will I go back to the start and make it even worse?

      Anyway, apologies again for the wall of text. I actually feel a little better getting it out there. Only my brother knows that I have tinnitus and I haven't mentioned it since I first told him.

      Around my friends and family (even immediate family) I'm totally normal. They have no idea I have it. I don't want to bring them down.

      Thanks very much for reading.
    2. erik

      erik Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012 or earlier?
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      Hi and welcome to the forum. I think the level should go back down again. Sometimes it takes a little longer. I think the fact that you habituated once will make it that much easier again. There are always set backs in life with many things so tinnitus is no different in that respect. You are already familiar with it, you know it can't harm you and it is a minor nuisance at best.
    3. Paul D

      Paul D Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      When I was younger I had a few episodes that seemed to last and last. But looking back, it was only a matter of days or weeks, not years. I'd say you have a good chance of things getting back to normal, with only occasional bouts with tinnitus; like when everybody's ears stop ringing within a half hour after a gunshot, concert, or crazy ball game crowd, yet yours continue to ring for hours or even a day or two. That's how it was with me. Mine didn't become acute until later in life. If I were you, I'd simply assume that this thing is going to just go away on its own in the next day or so, maybe a week. Keeping the anxiety level down and letting it run its course is normally the best course of action when mine really flares up.
    4. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      ct1 -
      I know three doctors who have had tinnitus since they were kids. Reasons they got it,
      1. As a kid, bicycle tire exploded when he was pumping the tire.
      2. As a teenager, hit in the head by a soccer ball
      3. As a teenager, from shooting rifles
      Somehow each of these men "came to terms" - habituated - with their condition long ago. It doesn't seem to bother them any longer.
    5. AUTHOR

      ct1 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Thanks guys. I feel a little bit better today.

      Hopefully once the slight pressure in my right ear goes away it'll be easier to habituate again.
    6. gevanko

      gevanko Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      playing in loud bands to long
      Man can I relate to having to do it over, I had beat it then got addicted to pain medication and 5 years later I am paying a heavy price it's louder than anything in my life. I use to be able to shower to mask it, not now I hear it in the shower. Point is I can relate and I am hoping just like you that we can habituate to it again.

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