The Librarian's Tale

As a child, I loved the local library. It was just one small room, presided over by a lady who sat on a high stool and talked in a whisper, stamping out the books with a serious and important air. A sign commanded silence, and the room was filled with a reverential hush, as if the books contained wonderful treasures of which we should be in awe. It had no children's books, until they started putting a few along the bottom shelf, but I loved going there with either one of my parents, because they always seemed so happy to be going to the library.

When I grew up, I became a librarian (among other things!) As well as books, I always loved peace and quiet.

When I got constant tinnitus in my late 50s, I felt as if I had lost a little private room that had always been there in my mind. A little room where I could relax, daydream, mull things over, plan things and so on. The noise seemed to fill my head, and I couldn't find my way back into that little room.

With the passage of time, the noise reduced significantly. It was not just that I got used to it - it actually did become quieter. One day, I realised I had rediscovered the little private room.

Here is a poem I used to think about in my search for that little room! It is The Lake Isle of Innisfree, by W B Yeats.

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.

 

Thank you.

 

You are welcome!

 

❤️ This is SO very lovely, thank-you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Thank you, emmalee

 

So glad you found the path back to the cherished room @Marian C.

 

How long did it take for the noise to get quieter?

 

How long did it take for your tinnitus to reduce and did you go on about your life normally or did you protect your ears?

 

The tinnitus started in September 2013 and since the end of January 2014 it has never gone back to the level where I was really struggling with it. It carried on gradually reducing, and it is now quite easy to live with. I have not done anything to protect my ears except that I never fly and sometimes I put my hands over my ears in the underground train or an ordinary train when going through a tunnel! The reason I do that is because, although these things do not affect my tinnitus, they give me a slight pain in my ears, so, to be on the safe side I cover my ears. I also try not to take medicines if possible, or I check if they are ototoxic, which means they can be harmful to the ears.

 

You are most welcome, @Marian C.

 

Was your tinnitus noise induced? And was your tinnitus somatic meaning could you modulate the sound by moving your neck or jaw? Thank you for your story.

 

No, Mark, my tinnitus was almost certainly caused by taking a painkiller called Naproxen. I cannot affect the sound by moving my neck or jaw. I have never really spent much time among loud noise - never really liked loud pubs or anything like that, or used noisy power tools.

 

Thinking about it, I had had lots of minor problems with my ears before this all happened. Itchy ears, wax, ear infections left untreated, being temporarily hard of hearing because water had got into my ears. I had had the occasional bit of tinnitus, which would always go away on the same day it started, and that never bothered me. No school hearing test ever picked up a problem with my hearing, but I do know that right from childhood I have sometimes found it difficult, when in a group situation, to pick up everything people were saying. When I got the constant tinnitus in 2013, I am pretty sure the test found nothing wrong with my hearing. Nowadays I know I am getting a bit hard of hearing.

I have never listened to music through headphones, or gone to rock concerts. I used to do audio typing, with the little ear-plugs, but never noticed any problem with that.

Ears need protected not just from noise, but from certain medicines. The culprit in my case seems to have been Naproxen. But even Aspirin has a reputation for causing tinnitus.

As for flying, no-one told me to avoid it, but I decided to avoid it anyway since the start of the constant tinnitus, just in case it could have any detrimental effect.

 

This gives me hope, I’ve always loved to read, like you it was my “little private room” my getaway from the stress of daily life.

I have struggled so much with not reading, no matter what I’ve tried I just can’t seem to concentrate.
Hopefully I’ll be were you are one day

 

Right at the beginning I can remember being unable to even read a newspaper, just turning the pages and glancing at the headlines. At that time I was having to lie down a lot, and I took a few weeks off work. I knew I had to pass the time and tire myself out a bit to help myself get to sleep later, so I did a lot of cleaning, rubbing away at the skirting boards and so on, and I went for a lot of long walks.

For me, rest was very important. Even if sleep wouldn't come, I knew I was giving my body and brain as much rest as possible. I decided not to try masking, as I thought it might tire my brain out even more, having to contend with more noise, but I realise a lot of people find it very helpful.

Have you seen any improvement at all since you first got tinnitus?

 

I found the first months of constant tinnitus very debilitating, and I used to feel a bit like the ancient mariner, from Coleridge's poem, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

The ancient mariner tells the stranger whom he stops:

O Wedding-Guest! this soul hath been
Alone on a wide wide sea:
So lonely 'twas, that God himself
Scarce seem-ed there to be.

I felt like that. I am agnostic, but I occasionally pray, and sometimes I find that a possible solution to a problem comes into my mind. However, when the noise was very loud, I found it difficult to concentrate. I was used to praying in the silence of my own mind. It was ironic that in my time of greatest need, when I was feeling the most frightened and isolated I had ever been, I was least able to pray. I ended up speaking the words aloud.

In desperation, I would go to see a medical person, hoping it would help. But, of course, the response would be about ear-wax or the Eustachian tube, or the like!

Anyway, the nature and volume of the tinnitus gradually changed to a steady, moderate level, which I believe is quite a common pattern.