Tinnitus — Learning — Experience — Knowledge — Support

I remember telling myself years back that I'd make a post on here about what I've experienced if I ever got better. I loathed this condition so deeply that I wanted to help anyone who had to endure it.

My intention is to try and sum up the last 5 years in a concisely and alluring manner. But first, a prequel: I remember one night when I was 21 and going to sleep, I was so exhausted and mentally drained from the day. I was deeply excited to lay my head down for the night and then I woke up around 1 AM unbelievably hungry. I went to Denny's because I love breakfast food and after eating plentifully, I went back to sleep around 3 AM.

Now, imagine how thrilled my body was to finally be in bed for the night on a full stomach. I remember being so excited to finally go to sleep. I peacefully lay my head down and a slight subtle buzz appears in my head. I've never experienced this before but my only thoughts were, "I cannot believe I'm finally in bed for the night." I went to sleep completely rejuvenated the next day never to have to manage tinnitus again for another 2 years. That was my first encounter.

About a year later, I was finishing up my bachelor's. I had 2 semesters left and life was getting pretty difficult. It was the beginning to the hardest time ever. Life was stressful, I was busy with school (the most busy I had ever been), sleep deprived, struggling in my spiritual walk, and I wasn't able to get any alone time with God which helps me with my daily struggles. I was restless due to all the frustration. I didn't know how to manage it all. Life was only to get worse. I started having headaches which made school much more difficult. I was struggling with sin now and only feeling more guilty and restless.

After about a year from battling all this, I'm finally graduated (still to this point, it was seriously a work of God that He got me through it considering all the obstacles.) My health was in a very poor condition and I needed a job to start paying back loans. I end up getting a job working for people with disabilities (the first one I could find and capable of even doing.) It involved long work hours and overnights a times throughout the week. I was able to go to sleep during these overnights but the sleep hours were basically 12A-6A.

It was a battle to stay awake and work as much as I did. I was deep in dealing with depression and anxiety. Life was dark and grim during the day hours. Still, I can't believe I couldn't see the obvious signals and what things I needed to change to get better. A month or two into the job I develop a loud ringing in my head. It came on suddenly. It was just there one day; either a day in February or March of 2015. I dealt with the deep recesses of depression and tinnitus for another 3-4 years. Battles. Ups. Downs. Learning. Trial-and-error. Praying. Pleading. Anxiety. Loathing. I lost my love for life. I remember the simple word 'happiness' was stripped from me. I wasn't happy anymore. I felt no happiness in my life. I remember missing and longing to feel that word again. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

Today, the 22nd of September in 2019, I've learned a lot about tinnitus. I'm still here too! I struggled with suicidal thoughts in my early 20's and I'm so happy that I'm still here. After all my experience with tinnitus, I don't know how different the forms are from each other but mine was related to basically this: I didn't take care of myself. I didn't take care of my head. I didn't sleep, rest, and relax enough. My body felt like crap the year preceding tinnitus and those were my signals I should've heeded. I didn't and tinnitus was what resulted.

Today, I still have it. It doesn't nearly affect me to the degree it did in my early 20's nor does it show up as often. I believe I could completely get rid of it but I discovered coffee a couple years ago. I drink it consistently and I think the stimulant prevents my nervous system from consistently calming down. But, clearly tinnitus doesn't bother me nearly as much if I'm willing to drink coffee which keeps the tinnitus around every once in a while. I think if I got off coffee though, allowed my nervous system to wean away from the stimulant, and I gave myself the needed rest and relaxation to completely allow my head to rejuvenate; my tinnitus would slowly regress back down to the abyss. Tinnitus is a normal physiological symptom, I believe. I think if you relax, allow the blaring noise to come, take care of your head, and just persist to rest and relax - the blaring noise will slowly regress in due time as your health improves.

Much love and keep persisting, friends.

-Andrew