Tinnitus and Love Life — Worried About Relationships & Dating

Discussion in 'Support' started by SebastianWJ, Jan 5, 2019.

    1. SebastianWJ

      SebastianWJ Member

      Location:
      Denmark
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Cocaine
      I have a question that's been worrying me since I developed tinnitus.

      With my tinnitus I am unable to sleep without television as background noise, and I’m worried about what it’s gonna do once I get a girlfriend in the future when it’s time to go to bed. That it might annoy her or cause trouble in the relationship.

      What do you guys with a girl/boyfriend do. I’m all ears for suggestions and help.

      I’m really worried it’s gonna put an end to my love life. Hope you can help me.
       
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    2. Michael B
      Supportive

      Michael B Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Earbuds
      The first thing I thought of saying is that if she knows of your situation and likes you, she'll accept the TV. On the other hand, it's not unusual for people to sleep with sound machines if that's a possibility for you.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. Arseny
      Wishful

      Arseny Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Possibly from problems with blood flow
      I think sleping with television as background noise is more of a habit. Have you tried other sounds like waterfalls/rain? Nature sounds? They are much more tolerable for other people than TV.
      Check out https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/

      My sister has been married for more than 20 years now and her husband can't sleep without TV on. It's a constant struggle for both of them. Typically she just stays up working until he falls asleep and then she turns off TV and goes to bed herself.

      I honestly think that if your only worried about noise from TV at night then you'll be fine. It means that tinnutis probably doesn't affect affect your social life in a great way. That's good! Don't feel discouraged! Go get it!)
       
    4. Fabrikat

      Fabrikat Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1973
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Otosclerosis then volume then viral infection
      Not just your love life Sebastian, but maybe also your health. If you Google the effects of blue/green light emanating from screens and phones etc., on the brain at night time, you'll find a bit of research indicating that this kind of light interferes with the body's circadian rhythm and melatonin production. The last thing a tinnitus sufferer needs! It literally messes with your hormones and it's even speculated to lead to all sorts of illnesses. Maybe another source of sound would be better for you and your girlfriend.

      https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/blue-light-has-a-dark-side
       
    5. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      You could always get a girlfriend who has tinnitus too. I know someone whose partner slept with the radio on and it rarely bothered her.
       
    6. hans799
      Mellow

      hans799 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Hungary
      Tinnitus Since:
      Born with it
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Worsened Dec 2016 by headphones
      I've had tinnitus all my life and had no problems with girlfriends. I explained to each of them that I have this constant noise and it sometimes makes me anxious and I can't go to loud places, and every one of them was very supportive. Cutting out parties and concerts wasn't a big deal, either - they either went with their friends or were actually glad for an excuse to not have to go. :)

      I sleep with earplugs so no suggestions with the background noise.
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    7. Striveon

      Striveon Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      How do you date with tinnitus?
      What places do you go to?
      What restaurants?
      How do you tell them you have tinnitus and how have they taken it?

      Any tips???
      Suggestions?

      By the way, I'm a female, people on here think I'm a male lol.
       
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    8. Striveon

      Striveon Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Where do you usually go to on your dates? Places or recommendations? Without earplugs.
       
    9. hans799
      Mellow

      hans799 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Hungary
      Tinnitus Since:
      Born with it
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Worsened Dec 2016 by headphones
      I avoid parties and concerts completely. This isn't a problem because I don't date girls who are into partying anyway - we'd be terrible fits. :) I sometimes do have to attend a wedding but in that case I politely explain the situation and get out before the loud dancing part begins around midnight.

      I like dates at tea houses, wine bars, shisha (waterpipe) places. These are all conversation-focused so tend to be pretty quiet.

      Earplugs shouldn't be a problem, either. I have custom-molded musician's earplugs which attenuate all sounds equally, which means I hear everything, just quieter. I can take part in conversations normally and they're unobtrusive, too.

      Finally, the cinema's OK, too. I always take a calibrated decibel meter but there must be some regulation on cinemas where I live because sound pressure is always in the safe range (70-80 dB). (I use the plugs anyway.)

      Overall, my choices in dating venues are pretty standard. Every girl I dated so far has accepted earplugs and even the decibel meter as a harmless quirk, by the second date it's already routine.
       
    10. hans799
      Mellow

      hans799 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Hungary
      Tinnitus Since:
      Born with it
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Worsened Dec 2016 by headphones
      I'm completely matter of fact about it. I tell them that even though my hearing is normal I have this incessant ringing in my ears, and although I can function normally, I must be extra careful to avoid making it worse.

      The reaction has always been understanding, sympathy, and a conversation around tinnitus. Most people only experienced T as a temporary thing after concerts or whatever.

      In fact you can sell it as a demonstration of how mentally tough you are. I sometimes did that, too. ;)

      Overall, I don't think having T decreases anyone's attractiveness or harms any dating prospects.
       
    11. PeteJ
      Depressed

      PeteJ Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma?
      I knew you were female. :)

      Go to a nice park and bring a dog if either has one. If one of you has a car, go to a drive thru. Bring the meal to a park for lunch. Again avoiding potential loud noise as much as possible. A museum might be quiet so that might be another option.

      Maybe one of those suggestions might interest you?
       
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