Tinnitus for 4.5 months now

[Martin69]

Hi all,

Here is my story...

I am an IT support guy living and working in Germany.
Starting in September 2013, I had permanent headache for about three weeks.
I was worried so much that I finally thought I have something really serious, for example a brain tumor.
So I visited different doctors, had an MRI scan and many other health checks.
Everything was ok, but I developed different problems like dizziness, migraine and finally a super loud Tinnitus (ultra high pitched in the head).
My head was ringing like crazy. I could not sleep for four nights and really had the worst thoughts.
So it was not noise induced or coming from a cold or infection, but stress was the trigger.

Went into hospital for cortisone injections and got diazepam to calm me down.
This helped a little bit, but my tinnitus was still there.

I stopped working, stopped doing anything at home, stopped nearly everything.
So I had the whole day time thinking about my new head sound.

Since the doctors said (as usual) "You have to live with it", I started reading each and every line about tinnitus on the web. Was looking primarily for success stories, but of course also found horror stories.

After around 6-7 weeks I started realizing things do not improve, but will stay until end of my life.
So panic attacks started and my wife and kids had a really difficult time with me.
Finally I decided going into a TRT clinic here in Germany. I was there for 7 weeks and they told me everything about tinnitus, that it is just "Music of the brain", how the limbic system works, that the sound is produced by nerves in the brain etc.
I had a daily visit with an ENT who herself has tinnitus and lives a happy life with it.
But it was and still is difficult for me accepting this high pitched sound in my head.

What I know in the meantime is that I had a "burnout" that time and my body, mind and soul were fully exhausted. Too many commitments at work, at home and in private life. So my body stopped me completely.
Others would get a heart attack or a stroke, I developed tinnitus.

The usual things (like many others here) started: Anxiety, depression and some other symptoms.
This forum here was a great help so far. In particular statements from billie48 and JeffM helped a lot since they seem also having a high pitched (like an old TV) tinnitus. But also many postings from others. They gave and give me hope.

At the moment I take 22,5 mg Mirtazapine for sleeping and as AD.
Sleeping is luckily no problem for me. I am trying doing all things I did before and not staying isolated at home. Only my job is problematic since it is a complex (high tech) work. But I want to go back to work asap.

What else do I do?
- White noise generators (look like hearing aids) do not really help, but I have them available on loan.
- Hearing aids since I have some hearing loss in the high frequencies. Sometimes they help, sometimes not. Since most sound (for example speech) is in the lower frequencies, I can hear my tinnitus always, so I cannot really mask it and hearing aids only help when I listen to birds or water sound.
- Listening to music or nature sounds (primarily birds)
- Started exercising (running) again, but every meter is a challenge
- Trying to concentrate on other things, but still difficult
- Going outside for walks or sitting on the balcony listening to nature sounds
- Sometimes listening to the self-made Neuromonics sound (generalfuzz thread here in this forum).
BTW, the Neuromonics company (ANM) here in Germany stopped their business (bankrupt) last October (Neuromonics is not really popular at the tinnitus clinics here).
- Taking my life day by day and hoping things will improve towards habituation.

I am now 4.5 months in with my Tinnitus. Have good days and bad days.
I hope I will cope in the near future.

So that is me.

Best regards from Germany,
Martin

 

[Jake]

Welcome Martin! You came to the right place. Wishing you the best, man! Stay strong.

 

[Martin69]

Thanks Jake. I have read here for the past months nearly each and every word. This is a great forum. There is nothing comparable in German. Yes, I stay strong. Same to you.

 

[DebS]

H, Martin!
I also have high-pitched tinnitus and for almost as long as you. I have good days and bad days, too. This forum is helping me cope on the bad days. Sounds like you are doing all the right things now; we just have to take one day at a time and hope tomorrow is better. I've stopped masking the tinnitus for the most part, unless it is very upsetting. When it's bad, I try to think of it as a migraine without the horrible pain, and that helps me get through it. Best wishes!

 

[Martin69]

Hi Deb.
Thanks for your words. I have read many of your posts.
Yes, this forum is a life saver.
I really cannot mask since I hear it all the time. If I try hard, I can even hear it in the shower.
Only when I am distracted, I do not notify it.
So I try living my life as much as I can.
For example just drinking my first Coke for a long time. Although with caffeine, it doesn't affect my T.
And if it would become louder, I don't care for the moment.
Best wishes.

 

[DebS]

Hi Deb.
Thanks for your words. I have read many of your posts.
Yes, this forum is a life saver.
I really cannot mask since I hear it all the time. If I try hard, I can even hear it in the shower.
Only when I am distracted, I do not notify it.
So I try living my life as much as I can.
For example just drinking my first Coke for a long time. Although with caffeine, it doesn't affect my T.
And if it would become louder, I don't care for the moment.
Best wishes.

LOL...I gave up Coke for a long time too and finally had one about 2 weeks ago...it tasted so good and didn't seem to affect my T! But I really try to stay away from soft drinks. I drink water mostly.

 

[LadyDi]

Hi @Martin69: Sounds like you are doing everything right. Is anxiety still a serious problem for you? If so, you could try medication for a bit, to see if that helps, or psychotherapy like cognitive behavioral therapy. But you are doing a lot of good things to help yourself already, so maybe all you need is just some more time. I know, its hard. But it will get better.

FYI: I started out with very high tinnitus in the beginning. But now, about nine months later, my pitch has dropped quite a bit. I still pretty much hear it all the time. But I can mask it with sound.

It also might help to go back to work, if you are up to it, even if part time. Work can prove to be a great distraction from your T, as long as you are in an environment that is not too noisy or stressful.

There always will be good and bad days for those of us with tinnitus -- but then, there are good and bad days for everyone in life. As time goes on, you will have far more good ones than bad ones. Hang in there.

 

[Martin69]

@LadyDi: Thanks for your helpful words.

I did psychotherapy and CBT in the TRT clinic. It is all about accepting the sound, which is not simply done.
They also tried helping me how I could change my life. For example buying a house in Florida and listening to the waves the whole day.
Just kidding. Was more about my work, personal life etc. But I think I have a good life. Nevertheless it is difficult seeing things positive once you have a depression (caused by burnout and tinnitus).

Work is on the one side no problem since I can work from home. On the other side, I don't know if I want to do the job much longer. 18 years in support for high complex problems was already a challenge. And things become even more complex in future. On the other side, my company helps me as much as possible. And at the moment, I don't feel strong enough looking for another job.

I can start with 2 hours for some weeks, go to 4 hours and so on. I still have many days vacation, so I will try finding out what works best for me.

Regarding anxiety, they gave me some drugs some weeks ago. But my liver was not so happy about it. And honestly I didn't want to take anything besides the AD. So I stopped again. But there was an interesting experience: When I took the drugs, two days later my T was for two days so quiet I never had before. I don't know if it was the drugs or something else. But at least you can learn from it once you loose anxiety, things can improve.

I am really looking forward to the future where T is no longer an issue and I have habituated.

Thanks again and all the best for you, too.