Tinnitus Is Like Water Torture

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by mock turtle, Feb 3, 2012.

    1. mock turtle

      mock turtle Member

      puget sound
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/26/1992...habituated after 2 years; 11/04/11 new outbreak
      Hello to everybody at tinnitus talk
      nice site youve got here...thanks to all who make it happen, especially Markku

      ive been lurking here for about a month...im a long time tinnitus "sufferer"...20 years or so

      but truth be known amazingly, i somewhat "recovered" from my first bout with T, after two years of initial onset, ,,,but now ive been thrown back into the fire.

      yes from time to time i had flare-ups but for a long time i felt like id made adequate progress... that i could get along with my life

      my initial affliction , if i that is the right word, occurred because i was taking what turned out to be an ototoxic drug, (back then i didnt even know what that meant!) and was subsequently exposed to what in the past had been very minor noise....small firecrackers and the sound of a 22 firing at a practice range while i was wearing insufficient ear protection

      my ears rang like mad, and in fact i had about three sounds going on at once. there was this steam like hissing sound, and then also a pure tone of about 4000hz and then on top of all that was what sounded like morse code... yeah, all happening at the same time...sheesh i was, emotionally, backed up against the wall

      then i read a book by a doc named, i think, hallam and i was introduced to the idea of "habituation" and got the plain scoop that this wasnt going away any time soon...i felt like doing something very drastic and dismal if you know what i mean

      somehow, over a period of about two years of misery, i got to a point where my T didnt completely wreck my life anymore even though i could still "hear" it

      of course, along the way i tried every treatment i could find...some so ridiculous that im ashamed to mention here. i did find that a benzodiazepine, klonopin was of some help and i was very careful not to abuse it.

      during the next decade i got better and better to the point that i could only hear my tinnitus if i paid attention or listened for it...the tinnitus was in the background.......but

      but.... if i exposed myself to any degree of loud noise my ears would ring even louder for three or four days, like when i went to the movies and the surround sound speakers were really loud. so early on i made it a habit to carry ear plugs and i learned quick how to chew on paper and make a large spit ball and stuff them into my ears... a pretty decent ear plug in an emergency

      ok so fast forward to today...so many years later...ah yes, well i was recently mis diagnosed as possibly having cancer and had a few other medical problems that drove me emotionally to the edge. even after i told my doctors that i had Tinnitus and wanted to avoid all risk of ototoxic drugs, still, i was prescribed meds, over and over, that upon my research, i learned were a risk for a person such as myself

      i turned down some meds early and others i took for a day or two and when the tinnitus got louder i took appropriate action.

      despite my best efforts i could hear my tinnitus slowly getting louder, and then one day my ear protection fell out while i was running the vacuum cleaner, and the next day i got a flu shot only to find out later that it had gentamicin in it

      by the end of that week my T was back in full force. i want to be clear here, i...dont.. know... the... cause.. of my amped up tinnitus. could it have been stress?, the flu shot? the minor noise exposure? the antihistamine i took? advancing age? who knows,…. i sure dont

      but now, today, after many years of getting better, my... tinnitus... is OFF_THE_HOOK !

      damn i feel so guilty, or is it stupid? or what ever, for having done, or not done what ever it was i did or dint do, that pushed me back 10 steps

      so here i am. now all i can do is carry on as i did many years before, and hope for some kind of treatment thats in the research pipeline...like we all do

      thanx for listening to my story

      best wishes to all
      mock turtle

      a little personal info...i live in the puget sound region and i enjoy outdoor recreation especially hiking around mt rainier
    2. Tha_b_man

      Tha_b_man Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      That's a crazy story. I am guessing stress is the culprit right now to your increased T. Seems like you have a lot going on right now, medically, and I am sure your stress and anxiety are through the roof. If I were you, I would to try and take at least 30 minutes a day for some meditation, deep breathing, outside if possible. That helps me sometimes. And a .25 xanax never hurts either.:)
    3. mock turtle

      mock turtle Member

      puget sound
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/26/1992...habituated after 2 years; 11/04/11 new outbreak

      thanks for the re

      yeah i think you are right...the stress was something to behold...i learned stress can do unbelievable bad things to a persons health

      at one point when the docs said it appeared i had a brain tumor, i couldnt eat for several days...constant nausea and fear waiting for the day of the brain mri an the "final" diagnosis

      i certainly weakened my system with fear and anxiety.... kinda poisoned myself

      but something else is happening here also cause i was kinda cumming out of it (less stress) when the big T got amped up, way high

      delayed reaction? or any of a number of things, i dont know

      my prime suspects....a prescription of tylenol3 i was on...or a recent flu injection that had a very small amount of gentamicin in it (an aminoglycoside..notorious for ototoxicity)

      well what ever...ill probably never know for sure

      best wishes to you
      mock turtle
    4. Don H

      Don H Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Very definitely stress, so get that under control and your T will settle down again to the manageable point. No vacuum or flu shot would spike you up that drastically. As far as i'm concerned T is the symptom of stress. I have depression and when I recently went through a bad spell the T was loud. I got the D under control with a variation in meds and the T was almost instantly better. My 2 bits from Western Canada.
    5. mock turtle

      mock turtle Member

      puget sound
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/26/1992...habituated after 2 years; 11/04/11 new outbreak
      Don, thanx for the reply

      you may well be right, as the stress was crushing

      still i worry about the antibiotic (gentamicin) in the injection, and i had been exposed to other ototoxic drugs as well

      in all probability it was a combination of events with stress likely a big part...much sadness

      well, i habituated once before...many years ago, took more than a year, maybe i can do it again...hoping
    6. joe

      joe Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2011
      Mock Turtle, your mind is racing, you need to calm a little, I think this is why your T is at its peak, take it easy,dont stress, and I dont think that flu shoot, has anything to do with any elevation. If you take things a little calmer, I am sure you will make youre T dormant again. It takes time and patience;)

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