tired of being a moody paranoid freak.

Hello, my tennitis consists of several tones. One is a hiss which pulses with my heartbeat. There are some sound like I'm under water with boats above me. One seams a low humm. There's also a brassy sound.

I can't remember exactly when the ringing began, but I think it was caused by a very high fever when I was in kindergarten. I can remember trying to explain it as a kid, but never seemed make anyone understand. The florescent lights in school made it hard to understand voices, but yearly hearing tests said my ears were fine. I became known as that kid who refused to listen. Once was even called a liar in front of the whole class. It's amazing how cruel people can be confused kid trying to explain hearing something that's not there. Elementary school was a special kind of hell.

In junior high, I discovered wrestling. The intense focus needed for the sport didn't allow me to acknowledge the beast. It also acted as an outlet for the frustration which was driving me crazy. Finally, something that I could controll! This was my life for the next 6 years. Thinking back, the impact of the sport probably didn't help the ringing.


After highschool I started to seek help. Didn't get any answers. I got doctors telling me to learn deal with it. This is when I lost hope.

Art had always been part of my life, but after highschool I really jumped into it. Once again I had that intense focus which allowed some excape. It's funny, as an artist people kind of expect you to be a moody freak. It's a good feeling to use something so horrible to create beauty. Every piece is big FU to the beast.
My son( born deaf, so jealous) loves bikes. This got me into bikes. Prefers bmx racing, skatepark,downhill and dirt jump. This has become great therapy. Once again, its that intense focus.it helped sharing it with someone who doesn't judge me.
Recently I went to an audiologist as a step toward figuring out where to gol for help. He was no help. Was ignored all 3 times I asked if He could refer me to a specialist. He asked what I do for a living. When I said artist, He started talking about van gogh. He said that I'm lucky, maybe the T would make a great artist. I responded with " are you serious? Do know how that story ends?" At this point He seemed angry with me, gave me a bottle of ryboflavenoid and said" if it helps let me know, if not there's no reason to call back." Was then rushed out( after paying of course).
At this point I'm exhausted mentally. I'm tired of being a moody paranoid freak. Sick of dealing with beast alone so the people around don't feel uncomfortable and go away. The thought of it being there for the rest of my life is unbearable. Not really sure what I expect achieve from this. It's good to see all these people who understand.
Any advise is appreciated. Thanks

 

Try to keep your allergies of any kind in check and you'll see a 50%-90% reduction in volume, but that's unfortunately not as easy as ABC and you'll need to change life style for sure. Don't worry! there are so many people on board this boat.

 

Hi Mobilistindy,

A lot of audiologists are like that as are ENT, its because they know nothing of T so have to make smart remarks and be dismissive to cover up their lack of knowledge. I've been told by a doctor, whilst I was crying in her office, 'if it doesnt go theres nothing you can do about it. Tine a radio off station'. Just plain mean and she didnt even know there are sound machines instead of a radio.

Do you definitely not have a hearing loss now?

There's a lot of info and support on here. And there are some options; some drugs, hearing aids, TRT at the very least.

Take care.