Two Months In — Some Progress, Some Setbacks

It has been just over two months since I went to a loud dance club with friends and came home to discover my ears were ringing. Since then I've made both progress and, more recently, some mental setbacks, so I figured it would be helpful to myself and maybe others to write down my journey so far.

I am fortunate in that my tinnitus is generally "mild" in that unless I'm really looking for it, I can't hear it as long as the ambient sound is under about 40 db (ie my work office). I remember it starting as a constant noise, so high pitched that I spent the first week in denial, thinking it was just my imagination. I finally saw my primary doc, who gave me a very small dose of pred (20mg/day) but not for the ringing, but instead for some inflammation.

I started taking the pred, feeling better and thinking the noise will fade soon. Then woke up a couple days later, freaking out because on top of the high tone, there was now a secondary "wind chime" sound. I saw more doctors, who all basically said they couldn't do anything, but that if I stayed healthy, got sleep and remained positive, then statistically the noise should fade on its own.

Over the next few weeks, my moods went up and down. I saw my ENT, and got normal hearing test results, and he echoed that he believed it would resolve on its own. I felt good for a little afterward, but as I approached three weeks with no sign of fading, my worries dipped into anxiety and depression. I couldn't sleep, as every time I did I would jolt awake, sweating and heart racing. My mom was kind enough to fly up from out of state to see me, and I just remember thinking I was going to have a heart attack when I woke with panic one night and praying that I at least make it to see her again.

Seeing family again (since I live alone) helped, and along with a couple nights of xanax, I was able to sleep reliably (if only for about 5 hours at a time). Then somewhere around the 5-6 week mark, I began to notice the tone becoming a bit softer, with static-like undertones. This wasn't always the case; it was generally quietest in the morning, then would pick up and be constant by night. But this reassured me that it was improving at last, and I was actually able to sleep with earplugs in, the ringing at max volume, which I suppose is like habituating.

Life started returning to normal - I once again focused on my art, my job, looking forward to life. I saw a tinnitus specialist a few days later, who did a few tests to confirm some damage to my high-freq inner ear hairs, but believed that I had a good chance of recovery as well. She assured me that my upcoming plans (plane travel, watching a movie) were fine as long as I prepared with ear protection. (She also mentioned that there's evidence that some antioxidants supposedly help tinnitus, but she didn't know exactly which).

So I flew to see some friends, a trip long in the planning. Panicked the first night because I thought the tinnitus had spiked, but then it calmed down again, and on the return trip it wasn't a big deal. The week I got back, every day the ringing seemed quieter in the morning (though again, louder at night), but I was again feeling good about progress.

Then I saw an action movie at the cinema, with earplugs and earmuffs. It didn't seem too loud, with my phone db meter measuring it as hovering around 75 db (80-84 db peaks), which is the same as its reading when flying or driving on the freeway. Logically it shouldn't have affected me at all, as many on the board have assured me, but my anxiety afterward went up again.

The ringing began calming a few days later, but I could still feel anxiety creeping back up. My heart rate was going up at all times, and again when falling asleep, I'd jolt myself awake. The noise in my ears has started to shift more towards crickets/grinding/beeping, which logically should be a natural progression from the constant tones from before, but this "new" noise filled me with doubts about whether I'd done more damage. Then a few nights ago, as I was readying for bed, the noises spiked like crazy, and the spike remained for over a day with no known causes.

As of now, I know the main reason for the volatility is my own anxiety. It's easy to tell because whenever I have one of those jolts in bed, my tinnitus spikes for a second, then calms down again. Currently I'm back on the xanax and trying to remind myself that I have made progress, and that just a couple weeks ago I was doing fine, so I'm really hoping to return to that mental state of mind.

I know I'm one of the luckier ones around here, but the experience for me has been very difficult. I'm trying to distract myself with things I love, which are thankfully mostly quiet activities, but it has been a real roller coaster so far. Still, I'm reminding myself that on average, the ringing is quieter and more bearable than just one month before, so hopefully the next couple months will show progress as well. For now I just need to find a way to calm down again, and let the healing go forward.

Thank you for listening, and for all the support you've provided to me and others so far. I couldn't have made it this far without you.

 

I'm in the same boat. It's easy to forget how we're progressing when anxiety kicks in and removes all positive thinking. I went out last night and had cocktails for the 1st time since I got this. Wore custom ear plugs. The hissing seems louder today, but I'm thinking (hoping) it's just anxiety. Trying to avoid taking an Ativan this afternoon but I should take it and try and move on.

 

@housemzk thank you, and yes I read someone say to measure progress in months (even several months), not days or weeks since that is the timespan of recovery. From what I've read, drinking alcohol typically makes tinnitus go up, but it's only temporary, so yours should calm down in a few days. Wishing you the best and smoothest recovery!

 

I'm having the same thing, but for me it is partly my T changing in nature and me panicking about it. I also believe I have H involved which is causing me more distress than the T itself.
How are you doing now after a couple more months?