What Is It About Tinnitus That Upsets You?

What is it about tinnitus that upsets you?

 

Mostly the color and the fact T won't clean my bathroom. Other than that, T rocks.

 

In my case I mainly fear an aggravation of my tolerable T.

 

Exactly.

 

It reminds me constantly that I am an absolute weapons grade asshole.

 

The hearing distortions/reactive t/h are even more upsetting than the constant T tones.
it was caused by the actions of others.
it was preventable in multiple ways.
it took away my favorite thing in an instance.
it hasn't gotten better.
it can get worse.
it's always there, masking is pointless, some of my constant tones are unmaskable, and sound sources cause additional tones over top of the sound.
its a constant reminder of how incredibly bizarrely bad my life has gone.

 

I used to run almost everyday. It irritates me that I stopped because I was afraid it was making it worse and my thought were focused on on tinnitus when I did. In general, it consumes a good portion of my thoughts just by being there. Seeing doctors about has been a waste of money, and even though I want thorough tests done I fear that those would be another waste of money.

 

If i could make music, I would just live with it. Currently I cannot make music. Which is killing me.

 

So far what bothers me the most is the misunderstandings.
My boyfriend doesn't understand that watching the hockey game is usually too loud for my ears.
We used to fight a lot about me not being able to hear him but he's started to make adjustments so that this doesn't happen.
What is hard is being with my co-workers or out in public. I don't want to try to explain to people 1. that I have some pretty fierce tinnitus and 2. that every noise makes it worse. and 3. that I can't hear what they're saying because of it.
Tinnitus is something that I definitely over-looked before it became a part of my daily life.

 

Losing music, AND losing meditation in one swoop, and those things being replaced by a bunch of horrible intrusive sounds. I have tried really hard to meditate with it, and yes i've tried lots, focusing on it, or not, or using various methods to even "distract" from it during meditation, but it still always is invasive, and I can not mentally/physically deal with it long in meditation so far with all methods i try.

And losing both of those things at once has an exponential impact on the rest of my "life". Unreal, why would that happen. Having to go from primary focus being music to being unable to listen to music, but also bothered in silence, but external sound like music, white noise, traffic, anything, also showing up additional tones, more intrusive than the constant T tones. Can't meditate, I can just barely read (and actually absorb what I'm reading),

Most sounds outdoors in the modern world are now also too loud, but really the fact that everything sounds wrong is more bothersome than it simply being too loud. No matter what I try to do now, I constantly get pulled back into noticing the hearing crap, and realizing i'm not doing what I want to do, I can't do what I want to do, this is bad, do something else, oh no it interferes with this to, this makes me focus on it, this has music in it the music sounds horrible, this is depressing do something else this is bad too, everything reminds me of what I'm trying to distract myself from.

 

and then trying to sleep and then it all starts over again.

 

11 years and the fear is still there huh? The spikes constantly remind me.

 

This forum is probably my primary "effective" distraction from my hearing...isn't that depressingly weird? I do find it different from reading even very interesting books, even with those, I still am either bothered by the constant T, or the sound around me, or the sounds on top of the sounds which sound horrible, and then I can't read, and then I get frustrated I can't read because of the T etc.

I used to do Qi Gong too, and now struggle with it similarly to meditation, for similar reasons.

 

The thing about T that bothers me the most is I am a control freak and have no control over it. T just does what it wants to do and I live with it 24/7. For the most part I have habituated to it and have learned to except it but the first few monthes I was a wreck. Now going into my 14 month I go hours at a time and am not aware of it. I do try to avoid very noisey or quiet places. At night I play nature sounds with water falls and or birds chirping and can sleep fairly normal again. My life has returned to pretty much the way I was except I wear ear protection when in a noisey environment. If i get a day that it gets on my nerves I pop a xanax but not often. In the beginning I was on two 0.5 a day but weened off of them in a few monthes. You got to do what you have to do.

 

not being able to make my music dream come true. (this was a huge thing for me)
not being able to enjoy live music (this was a huge thing for me)
not being able to go out with my friends as i used to (this was a huge thing for me)
the fear of traveling by airplane (this was a huge thing for me)
the fear of it getting worse.
the frustration of people treating me as a hypo, not even my family understands me.

thats it

 

Does travelling by plane make it worse? I'm a newbie and while I find certain things make it worse, I also find that as soon as that trigger is removed I'm generally okay - and by okay I mean my t is definitely still there, just not to a point that I want to rip out my ear drums. I'd like to think that I would continue living a normal life even if it meant a tinnitus "exacerbation" but who knows.
I DO however, understand not enjoying going out with friends in the same manor. I felt so bad for my friend the other day because I could barely hold up a conversation while visiting her after a 12 hour shift (I find my level of fatigue to be a HUGE factor) I've noticed that I don't read as much as I'd like to now. I do find practicing piano helps because I'm so focused on the sounds of the song and playing correctly but initially learning a song can be very frustrating because I can't focus enough to play the correct notes, tempo ect.

 

@devonlee

It's mostly bad it you have ETD or are sick at the time. Ear infections/sinus infections are terrible to fly with. The last few flights I went on I was sick with bronchitis but my ears felt it real bad. My right ear couldn't pop and over pressurization with valsalva is sometimes dangerous. Popping by yawning is probably the safest. It took me a few hours to pop it.

I think a user here ladydi i think? got T from flying with a sinus infection.

At best you really shouldn't fly when your sick.

 

That makes sense but the original poster makes it sound like flying without being sick is something he can no longer do. That's sad.

 

Flying for me is a horrible experience , if I fall asleep and awake in a plane I get the worst tinnitus I have experienced.

 

@RaZaH That's unfortunate. I really want to see your country one day.

 

Firstly that I cant control it or lessen it - control freak
Secondly that I cant listen to music like I used too.
My heroes - Pink Floyd, Bowie etc now all sound odd and annoying.
Still I guess I had 50 good years...!

 

Fear of it getting worse. I've been able to cut a lot of my negative emotion by doing weekly audiographs on my tablet. There is something quite comforting when you are in the middle of a spike and can do an audiograph test and prove to yourself that no, your hearing levels aren't actually getting worse, it's just your perception in the moment.

 

So far that at times my Tinnitus seems to be gone and then comes back with a vengeance. Yesterday was a perfect example. For most of the day and evening my Tinnitus was 100% gone and silence was just that silent. Then around 8PM it came back and has not stopped.

 

The loud high pitched tones are just horrid sounds that irritate me and keep me awake at night.
Not being able to just relax in the quiet.
It makes me feel terrible.

 

I miss the ability to experience silence.

 

I miss silence
I can't concentrate
People who have never had intrusive T dont understand
The sheer unpredictability of it is overwhelming. One day acceptable. The next off the scale

I could go on, but I won't....

 

Is yours maskable?

 

The humming at night especially if it goes pulsatile

 

No, not at all. It's reactive to noises too. Yours?

 

Music sounding like shit and loud environment being a no go like can't go to gigs... Even people talking loudly create distortions like an detuned radio. This sucks big time.
T on its own would be ok...