What I've Learned So Far

I got sudden onset tinnitus 2 1/2 months ago. My hearing doctor said that I listened to only moderately loud music and that I have great hearing, so he's not sure what the cause is. But that's not the point. I handled it terribly at first, wanting to actually die. Just thinking about those times that barely ended just less than a month ago makes me anxious, but I was in the boat of wondering how I would ever deal with this. Going to the hospital for suicidal ideation, being in and out of counseling, driving my wife insane. But in the end, I found a way to deal with it - I can't say that anyone reading this will, but I'm at least okay now.

I tried my hardest to deal without psychotropic medication. But I wasn't eating; I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks from constant depression and anxiety. Racing thoughts, generally a personal hell. I had no hope because all of my hope was in whether this would get better, when all signs point to "no". And coming here, to be honest, dashed all sense of hope. You can't take anything on the Internet with a "grain of salt" like my doctor told me to if you're in fight or flight mode. Every negative post and worst possible scenario seemed like it would apply to me. Ringing getting worse, my life in shambles, killing myself like so many others did. So I sought help from counseling, mental health services - since I couldn't control what was happening to me, I could at least try to control how I was reacting to it. If you have chemical imbalance-induced depression, you deal with a constant negative thing in your life and need medication. If you have constant chronic pain, the same applies. Both are distracting and oftentimes debilitating. This feels no different.

After receiving 20 mg Celexa and 4 mg Abilify, I am at least temporarily better. I have been better for the past two weeks. I'm going to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy sessions, about to maybe get Tinnitus Retraining Therapy going (depending on if I can save up for it), and have physical therapy for my neck tension and TMJ-related symptoms from all the clenching I did when I was stressed. I have been able to help my wife around the house, not talk about the ringing constantly, and even the hyperacusis has died down a little. I can get through the day and at least mostly enjoy what I used to do, like programming and video games, and going to a friend's house without bumming them out. I miss my old life, but I don't dwell on the negative anymore. Or at least right now. I would be happier without the ringing, without needing medication, but I would also be happier with a million dollars. I am at least at that point. Beginning to accept it, because it's not driving me insane.

My tips are:
1. Get yourself distracted. You have to try to do things you used to like.
2. If you're a complete emotional wreck and no coping skills seem to work (like me), you need medication. It might take a while, these meds might even wear off for me, but if you can afford it, please at least give them a try. When you do take the meds, try to work with it.
3. Give it at least a few weeks before trying meds - your brain is different than mine. But if you're feeling suicidal, it's best to try meds right now and slowly taper off with counseling and CBT/DBT.
4. Remember, this isn't about unfairness. This is unfair, but so is being homeless, or with chronic pain, or being mentally, physically and/or sexually abused. There are things that scar people every day and make their lives overall much more difficult every day.
5. Don't be afraid to try medication. Mental health has a huge stigma surrounding it. I even feel shameful when I walk into a mental health clinic, but I shouldn't. They're there to help. Just be thankful people will help.
6. Don't read too much into "tinnitus causes this/that". Of course, avoid known common ototoxic drugs like aspirin or pepto bismol, but if you absolutely need it, it's probably worth the temporary spike.
7. If you're a more anxious person, you will probably have it worse - physical symptoms included. The more you stress out, the worse it gets.

As far as the ringing getting better, it's better when I'm not stressed out. The less concerned I am about it, the less my subconscious amplifies it in my head. I hear it when I lie down, and there's still an overlapping wine glass sound to all sounds, but it just is the way it is. It still pisses me off, but I am getting better at recovering and knowing when I'm "slipping back" into a deep depression.

I would have put this in the Success Stories thread but it's not exactly me using sheer willpower to get through this like many of you long time users on here. I am mentally (relatively) weak compared to those of you that just "deal with it", and I'll admit that - that's how I was born, that's how my brain is. I can change my brain with counseling, reframing, and DBT/CBT but until then, medication is what my only option is. It's better than offing myself, that's for sure.

 

Great tips man and i share your issues regarding to that reactive sound. Keep in touch.