S

Scruffiey

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  • S
    And after a horrible few days I come to my once a month easily manageable morning buzz day (natural hormone fluctuations I guess) where I sleep like the before times and my pain and pressure settles for a few hours... I could easily live a normal happy life and feel very much like my old self, until the crushing realisation if I did I'd just end up without these brief reprieves.
    I bizarrely find my self having to keep them secret too because everyone's positivity bias creeps in and they assume it's getting better.
    S
    Just cannot be fucked with the spikes, aches, pains and sensations from something as simple as a normal volume conversation when I already spend all day indoors, it's been over a year, can't live a normal life I consider enjoyable or worthwhile, not interested at this point... where this idea we have to keep going at all costs came from is beyond me.
    SpiralPath
    Hey! You perfectly describe the feeling I have. When you can continue your life but it's colorless and joyless. I think I'm not cut out for that too. This is just against all my live principles. It feels like some highly intelligent creature created this condition with all it's sadism and cleverness in order to punish us and see we suffer. This condition is too evilly smart.
    S
    Sorry to hear you've joined us on this crappy journey... your introduction story remarkably reminds me quite a lot of my life. It doesn't sound like your tinnitus is too horrendous but Yup! I don't intend to reach old age living like this, it may be okay for some but it's not for me. At the moment, I'm just enjoying what time I have left doing everything I still can within my means.
    D
    I cannot agree more with that statement. Add to the mix ear fullness, spasms, dysacusis etc, and you've got the perfectly evil punishment.
    S
    Oh Goody, my left ear has suddenly joined the party unprompted with the standard high pitched eee to join the cacophony on the right, now I can have hear it above everything tinnitus in stereo and pick which sound I want to be driven mad by.
    S
    Habituation is real, life is good again!
    Wait... no, my mistake, this is still dreadful, life ruining and daily torture.

    Although I have rediscovered drinking & smoking and that they have no effect on my tinnitus whatsoever so bring on a quicker end!
    S
    Ahh... two minutes strolling round the peaceful garden to get a bit of vitamin D and decompress... Oh, hello mister helicopter wonder where you're flyin-OH MY GOD MY EARS HURT!
    S
    Why do you torment me loud dial tone frequency, the times you are gone I cope so much better and then you bring physical sensations to make yourself known.
    F
    Take life one day at a time and pray a lot. The Lord hears our prayers, He may not give you an answer, but He hears our prayers. As for fearing death, most everyone fears death. It's normal to be afraid of the unknown. Prayers have helped me to cope.
    S
    Thanks, but I'm afraid I am not a religious man and this sort of torment is unlikely to change my views on the matter...
    S
    I can't go on with this indefinitely, I'm just not cut out for it, what life is it to just carry on existing for fear of death. How can something so cruel have not just no safe treatment, to take the edge off, but the potential to worsen without a moments notice.
    I've always been depressed, but at least I could hope for something better... this has stolen my hope.
    kingsfan
    I'd say you're more likely to habituate and find your life again in time. Don't let us unfortunate few pull you down into our depths.
    S
    @kingsfan Wish I had a life to go back to! Spent the last 5 years as a carer and I lost the life I had before then.

    Throw in some fairly nasty tinnitus, a pinch of hyperacusis and a host of weird physical sensations with a life time of anxiety, depression and aural abuse and I think I AM one of you unfortunate few.
    S
    Realising the hearing regeneration I'd pinned my hopes on probably isn't going to be suitable for me is really crushing me right now... The hearing loss isn't even really an issue, I just want the tinnitus & hyperacusis gone so I can go to the shops without ear plugs. A life of solitude & suffering is no life at all.
    S
    Okay explain this one... past couple of days my bad ear seems to be losing hearing, or at least the hyperacusis is quickly dying down, but my droning tinnitus tone is simultaneously getting quieter with it?
    I had a literal air raid siren & cacophony of squealing brakes 5 months ago, the hell is going on in there.
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    S
    @vilebubbles It is, in a way, this is downright liveable, but I've now been through so much and have zero idea of what's actually happened that I don't know how I'll reclaim life without fear of worsening it...

    I hope you do too, I'm sure once the benzo taper is over you'll eventually get some improvement though :)
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I hope it continues for you. I was having similar progress in December 2024. Since my last setback the "drone" has been terrible, along with the high pitched reactive T. Going past month 3 of that setback and onto year 2 of T. Not to scare you, but all I can say is be careful, its easy to feel complacent when things are going well, and one thing can undo all your progress and then some.
    S
    @Tryn2BHopeful Nope! The drone came back of its own accord this afternoon... but having a lay-in this morning with just my 'ear against the pillow electric'... better than sex.

    Oh I'm well aware, but I'm quite content living the quiet life as long as I can get out in nature a bit now and then... wouldn't mind a holiday one day but we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it.
    S
    Feel like the first person to ever have a positive ENT trip... didn't change matters, but he agreed with my self-diagnosis, told me to protect as much as possible and was honest that an MRI would be too noisy and probably not find much that would change matters.
    Plus I got to look up my nose just for fun.
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