arcanesystem

arcanesystem

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Member 28 From USA
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  • arcanesystem
    It's so weird how when my right ear is louder than my left, I'm more at peace with it because that's what I'm used to.
    arcanesystem
    I had a terrible spike in my left ear again the past two weeks. But today it seems to be better.
    arcanesystem
    The rumbling sound I had a year ago in my ear came back last night and it's still there. I'm so agitated, I'm shaking.
    arcanesystem
    Docs always say to avoid coffee with T (no pun intended), I don't know why. It's one of the few things that helps me think clearly anymore.
    arcanesystem
    I remember saying a while ago that having hope without seeing progress really screws me over. Well, I feel really screwed over right now.
    arcanesystem
    I want to visit another country once COVID is over. It's too bad flying is a phobia of mine, so that's never going to happen.
    arcanesystem
    I wonder how Drachen is doing. It's for the best he's been away from this place.
    B
    • B

      buttercake

    I am sure he is fine. He gathered all the info he needed and probably continued with his life.
    kuromi
    I'm in contact with Drachen on other platforms. Seemed to be having a difficult period over the last few days, but to the best of my knowledge he's coping.
    I'm trying my best to keep in touch with him, I really feel for him.
    arcanesystem
    Everything at once happening this month. Super stressful.
    Bill Bauer
    What else besides fx322, and also when?
    arcanesystem
    @Bill Bauer I'm in an accelerated nursing program, so we have a super condensed schedule. Many use the analogy that it's like drinking water from a fire hose. Clinicals are rough with COVID and I have all my finals, projects and competencies clustered through the next three weeks. Then there's my birthday coming up. I'm trying to take it one day at a time without freaking out.
    arcanesystem
    @buttercake That sounds a bit like the spike I was having in my left ear. Mine is more like a rapid, high pitch shimmering sound.
    B
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      buttercake

    Mine is very quiet though, much lower volume than my baseline. It chirps every now and then. I used to have something similar in my right ear, but that went away. I used a nasal decongestant and it _seems_ to be gone. Might be related to the slight cold I have? Who knows :/
    arcanesystem
    I had a couple of good days lately. Not paying attention to the new sounds in a quiet room anymore and getting sleep. That's all I ask for.
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      buttercake

    Me too. When I am alone it is hard, but I am working on that. Good job, anyway! You will improve more and more.
    arcanesystem
    I keep imagining, what it would be like the day when there's a definitive cure for this hell and we all become free from this misery.
    arcanesystem
    Thinking that day is coming gives me hope. On the other hand, waiting for a good sign and never getting closure really screws with me.
    arcanesystem
    It's silly, but I started a diary a few days ago to keep track of my daily activities. I want to track down the reason for my spikes.
    arcanesystem
    I noticed I get recurring spikes around this time of the year. Maybe it has something to do with the weather?
    Steph1710
    I'm sure the heat spikes mine. :-/
    Ilias T
    @arcanesystem It could. I got my spike yesterday and I turned of the heater to have silence. My spike improved and when I launched my heater again it completely stopped.

    @Steph1710 I remember the summer 2020 and mine spiked but it was half as bad. The cold might cause inflammation. Unlucky me I live at the top of the house and I get 32°C in my room :(
    arcanesystem
    Even if hearing silence again was somehow a possibility, my life is never going back to what it was before T. I think about this often.
    View previous comments…
    arcanesystem
    Thank you guys. I really appreciate the positivity from fellow members as we suffer through this together. This condition really is a neverending nightmare, but knowing there are others out there who are toughing it out is probably the best encouragement. Thank you.
    Ilias T
    @arcanesystem We are not trying to be tough. The reality is no human is tough. We all get hurt we all make mistakes. I think we will have a cure in our lifetime.
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      buttercake

    We need to force ourselves to be positive (at least until a treatment is found, that I truly hope will happen sooner than later). It's funny because I have always been the negative dude that everybody avoids; I read Cioran and Zapffe throughout my whole youth... and now I am forcing myself to be positive lol :)))
    arcanesystem
    I think the spike finally receded. I'm glad I can tolerate the silence again but I still prefer having background noise.
    arcanesystem
    I was able to briefly sit in a silent room and not think about it while working. Counts as progress, I guess?
    Drachen
    That is *exactly* the sort of progress you are after, as it almost certainly leads to the next improvement!
    B
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      buttercake

    Of course it does!
    Steph1710
    Amazing! I'm also having a lot of those moments. I can actually forget about my tinnitus for nearly an hour if in silent room, or hours and hours if in a room with low noise levels. You will most certainly be where I am soon. :)
    arcanesystem
    It's crazy how anxiety makes me lose perception of things. Sleep deprivation, balance, productivity, hunger... it all comes crashing.
    Drachen
    I wish this were a mental health issue that was taken much more seriously by the medical community. Throwing pills at it and telling you to blow money on session after session of therapy isn't a universal solution.
    arcanesystem
    @Drachen I know it's unhealthy to think like this, but there are days where I would rather be afflicted with something more serious than this. At least then there would be guaranteed treatment, or at least sleep! Now that I got that one off my chest, I'm shooing away that negativity because we all need to stay upbeat!
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